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"Matthehat do you want"

There was no question at the end of Pam's sentence That bitch She knew she had me by the balls because she had Hannah

I spit aover the rail I needed a bottle of beer Better yet, I needed a bottle of Woodford Reserve

"You knohat I want What does she think? I' h--"

"She loves it" Pam stifled a yawn

Okay, Pa cared She deserved this She ratted me out to the reporters Her and Bethany, ured they were all in on it They knew about me and Hannah They tore us down on purpose

Why, I didn't know, and it didn't rowled "Tell me more"

"She she really eate"

"Why?"

"I don't know, Matthew We work together, we don't do psychoanalysis"

"Oh, fuck you Pam"

I ended the call Fuck her I drainedit roll across the porch What a gorgeous fucking night Cool and dark, windy and quiet All I needed was a cigarette Or that bottle of beer My A like a balloon rising and expanding in my head

I woke up drunk

Jesus, why did I sleep on the porch? I was fucking freezing, wearing only a pair of boxers, and sore as fuck, sluh my phone Huh, I'd talked to Pa night She was always calling, always harassing me

I shuffled into the cabin and took two shots of bourbon I gulped down three glasses of water Daone, stomach settled, hands steady

I refreshed Laurence's water and topped off his food dish

"Perfect ood to drink I' by halves

Myas I brushed my teeth, popped a Xanax and a Lexapro, and collectedeverything by hand Only fucking way to write Why did I ever use a coodly

Thea fes open and the front door unlocked Uncle's cabin was in the ravel road to hbor, a little faretables and buy eggs My typist was the far out my own stuff, and this lady looked like she could use the change I paid her ten dollars per typed page

We had a rough start--she kept fucking up the for--but after about a es to Wendy, I bought soes, I paid Wendy, I es to Pam, rinse and repeat

I never went online I didn't even bring ossip about me, and it was part of how Bethany took me down And it was how I ra like ato another world could only bring es forsweetly

She was crouched in a ring of wirearound her When she saw me, she wiped her hands on her jeans and climbed out

"Yeah, fifteen or so," I said

I hovered near the pen I didn't like to look Wendy in the eye Hell, I didn't like to look anybody in the eye Eye contact is too intiot me She also didn't care about the perpetual booze on es and rubbed ht hun," she said "Would you look at these little guys? Just look at 'em"

"Yeah, they're sweet God, they're cute" I ran a hand through my hair I needed a shower I should have taken another two shots "I'll look at the anihed

"Matt, I told you to stop asking You come see 'em any time I'll be in the house"

"Mm, thanks Thanks Wendy"

I watched as she ht fell across the white clapboard Here and there the paint was peeling The grounds were unkerass and dirt

Perfect This place was perfect I stepped into the chick pen

"Hey guys" I crouched and reached for the chicks They swarh "You little jerks You're all fat You're all going to be ugly in about a ray Co of the chicks was breaking ot into the barn That's what I usually did

Finally, I captured one of the chicks I cupped its body to ht Soft war the anioats and looked into their weird rectangular pupils I stroked 's leathery back