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In spite of theher I reat I'd say et back to work The med deli

I tried to write over the next two hours No dice I tried to eat solue Finally, I tried to sleep

I must have drowsed, because I ith a jolt at 12:50 Shit, I had to go Now

I was in the parking garage when I realized my attire was definitely not "businessman" Not even "casual Friday business"

Fuck I dashed back to the elevator

One o'clock came and went as I scrambled to dress

At 1:00 p in front ofsentences toon a Brooks Brothers suit for the purposes of ht I was a business Bethany's stuff fro to really hateover ed up the sidewalk to the Mediterranean deli I eating profusely and I couldn't stop the tremor in my hands

I spotted Hannah at one of the tables outside She beaot closer, her smile faltered

"Hey," she said uncertainly

"Hey bird Looking sharp"

We hugged and she held ontopencil skirt went a long way toward distracting me, but I couldn't suppressHannah tore at "

I pulled away from her

"Yeah Yeah, I--" I collapsed into the chair across froht now I held lassy eyed and ashen, with dark sleepless bags "I'm hot as hell, too" Better to point that out before Hannah noticed the sweat beading on my brow Too bad it was another lie I was in a cold sweat; my skin felt clalanced up Ibrown eyes, full of concern

"Work is stressful," I h day I'm fine I couldn't park for shit, I"

At least I was saying a few true things

Hannah reached for my hand and squeezed it Such unconditional affection came across from her And I was trash I was filthier than trash

I slidto eat, yeah?"

"I'ry" I pulled a fifty from my wallet and tossed it across the table "Get whatever you want"

"Matt, I a--"

"Just take it!" I slammed the table The umbrella shook above us

Hannah clutched the bill and shrank in her chair A few people paused to look at us God, I was losing it

"Sorry Hannah, sorry It's work" I gestured vaguely "How's hoork for you, by the way? Paazed at her lap "Um she's fine Impressed, I think"

"Has she asked about oing to work right now "Hoe know one another or anything?"

"No, Matt And don't worry, I didn't ask her about you either I'ht back"

I watched her walk into the deli

When I saw her ordering, I gathered my jacket and bolted

I couldn't do this anyht

I had to call Bethany

And maybe I wouldn't tell Bethany the whole truth, and maybe I wouldn't tell Hannah the whole truth, but I had to tell one it was over, and I had to tell the other it was starting

When I got to ot called away I'm sorry I yelled at you I'll be better toht I'd rather be with you but I have to do this Let o into the mountains Say yes

CHAPTER 18

Hannah

"You're home early"

Chrissy raised her eyebrows and watched me expectantly

Chrissy just happened to be in the kitchen when I got home from work Mom too Maybe it was a coincidence, but it felt like they were lurking, waiting to see whether I came home after work or went to Matt's place

At least mom didn't beat around the bush

"You haven't already lost that sweet boy, have you?"

"He's twenty-eight Not exactly a boy" I ru eyes and looking for comfort food "Also, he's not that sweet He's kind of a douchebag soue