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We were so close Her knees bumpedand falling under a loose beaded tank top
Everything else disappeared
The world was me and Hannah and the electricity between us I sahen she felt it, her brow knitting in confusion It took all of ainstto h the drywall Instead, I sarette and studied the picture of myself and Bethany in Miami Beach I made myself stare at it I made no excuses
After all, I could tell myself whatever I wanted about Bethany--that she was suffocating, that she was like a secondether--and it would neverto do okay
I had wanted Bethany once I wanted her enough to move her into my apartment and live with her for two years But I wanted Hannahelse to say
I showered slowly, suffering through a hellacious case of blue balls I didn't put on any cologne I brushed , choosing a dark pair of jeans and a black V-neck t-shirt
At every opportunity, Ithis You want her You're taking her
I paced to cal, I wanted to be that calm, confident as escalate so quickly?
By the tie, an hour and a half had passed Hannah had called twice and texted once
II wanted to listen to I drove in silence, killing another half hour on Denver's fae my mind If I did this, I didn't want it to be a mistake
I didn't want Hannah to be a ht, I put Hannah's address in my GPS and drove out of the city I was sorry to leave it behind Denver's chill vibeout of control
Desire
Anger
Confusion
Fear
I found the house easily The street was dark Fro, set far back on a big lawn and surrounded by trees I killed the ignition
God, now I felt super creepy, parked uninvited outside Hannah's house
But she wanted to meet me And she missed me And she did say they have an open door policy, which hopefully didn't expire after ht be asleep The house was dark So wereday
I thought about Hannah in her bed Hannah stretched out on her back, sleeping in a cas crooked apart Or Hannah on her stomach, her heart-shaped rump in the air
I could cli hers
I felt a throb betweenhorses," Ia girl I'dto my dick?
I flipped down the visor and checked h I was freaking out on the inside, on the outside I looked typical: bored, annoyed, and severely impatient And one hundred percent asshole
I sht," I said "Got it"
I pulled out my phone and sent Hannah a text
CHAPTER 8
Hannah
I COULDN'T SLEEP
I was tired and wired
How does that work?
I got up at the butt-crack of dawn, took out Wyoht with a super strong Long Island Iced Tea I should have been asleep beforemy calls And then there was the weird encounter outside of the bar Call an to feel like I had broken my Matt spell with that intense jolt of attraction
Like I said, calluys at the bar, so to do with thein my ear
Fuck
No one ever made me shiver with desire the way Matt did with his voice alone--until a stranger outside a barspecial about Matt It wasn't Matt and I together, insane che horny God, I couldn't stand to cheapen that feeling that feeling I got when Matt's voice faltered with need
I have to I can't help it Hannah god, do it Co I opened Safari What was that weird phrase Matt said on the phone? Optiled "optima latin phrases"
There it was Optiit The best days are the first to flee
My eyes began to sting
Why would he say that? Was it so to drop me like a bad habit when I reached Colorado? The best days the first to flee
Matt said he was scared to have me close He told me not to make plans Suddenly, I kneas over Whatever it was--our silly flirtation--was over
I looked at the webpage again The quote was froraph in My Ántonia by Willa Cather
Huh Cather Why did that na raphs"
I knew it The epigraph to The Silver Cord was a Willa Cather quote: "Whatever we had ether the precious, the incommunicable past" And it was from the novel My Ántonia What a weird coincidence