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Mason (5:32PM): I ht about Mason since I had instructed Max not to tell hi him to take me to places where I didn’t have to think about the cruel fucking world that we lived in sounded te But I decided that it was best if I didn’t see Mason I knew that I would have to tell him what had happened and I really wasn’t ready to do that yet I couldn’t just down right ignore his text He probably would’ve gotten worried and co for me At least I liked to think that he would’ve I didn’t want to make up a lame excuse either, but I didn’t knohat to say

Me (5:36PM) Can’t tonight Evie’s parents came in town today

Mason (5:37 PM) That’s cool Will call tomorrow

That was the best I could come up with that wasn’t a lie He seemed to acceptquestions if I avoided him for more than a couple of days

A half hour or so passed and I continued to stare into nothingness I decided to do so process I hoped I would co that would perhaps make feel a little better, or at least reassurewas somewhat normal As I surfed froht e was to offer free tools and support for anyone grieving a loss of so place" There were pages of inspirational quotes and writings, suggestions of ways to honor the lost loved one, and other ideas and exercises to assist in surviving loss However, one section of the site was completely devoted to butterflies and their symbolism of transformation, rebirth, and renewal The butterfly was explained to not only represent the deceased, who in their ultied from their human body to the eternal soul bound for heavenly bliss, but also the bereaved, who struggled to deal with loss and unwelcoh the some of the material when I came across a quote that really spoke to me It reminded me of both Evie and th and the hope to believe

In tie from my cocoon…

Transformed

Kirsti A Dyer, MD, MS

I read those five lines over and over until an idea crept into my mind, and suddenly, I knehat I needed to do After a quick Google search of nearby tattoo parlors and directions, I juht bag Minutes later, I was out the door

I pulled into the parking lot of a strip center that was only about tenthe decision to get a tattoo the day after the most important person in my life died, probably wasn’t the best idea But I was there and I refused to back out, I needed to do it for so many reasons The tattoo would not only be to memorialize Evie, but also to res did indeed exist and irl to a young woman forced to deal with love, lust, and loss ~ my own metamorphosis

A couple of hours later, I was a couple of hundred dollars poorer and my left calf was on fire, but I couldn’t have been happier at the ie that stared back at et to Ash’s place to show him, I kneould be shocked to see what I had done I hoped that he wouldn’t mind that I had used his sketch as the basis ofhiht away, I was sure he’d be flattered that I had loved it so much The tattoo artist had done a wonderful job of translating the photo on e permanently inked into my skin I pulled into the driveway, ran up the ay, and knocked fire look on her face

"Scarlett, hi! Are you okay? Did you try to call? Is everything alright?" She looked back over her shoulder down the hall

"Yeah, I just reconsidered y’all’s offer for coht I’d come stay here, if that’s okay? My dorm is a little cramped compared to this house and I really just don’t want to be there" I walked into the house and noticed that neither Jess nor Ash was in the living roo chewed nervously on her lip "Jess is at Jacob’s and Ash is in his roo up," I said as I walked to his closed door I contemplated whether I should tell hi it took him to notice

"Scarlett, wait…" she started to follow me, but it was too late I opened Ash’s door to find a topless blonde straddling his naked body on his bed

"Ohon the floor I wasn’t sure if it wasthe hardwood that alerted the in the door, the blonde dove for an article of clothing and Ash’s horrified eyes locked ontofor everyone involved thatwas still in place and I hadn’tyet, otherwise, I may have literally killed someone

"Scarlett, please, this isn’t what it looks like," Ash tried to explain as he covered up his body with his comforter Blondie had rolled off the other side of the bed and was hiding fro to redress

"Showrespect and don’t feed me that God-forsaken line!" I sputtered "I’irlfriend, so you don’t owe ive your dick one fucking night off, to ht you considered your friend, or at least be there for your other friends while they pay their respects! But obviously I rong At least I knohere I rank It’s probably best that I figure this all out noays because I didn’t have very far to fall to feel the rocky botto," he pleaded "Butterfly, don’t…"

"DON’T fucking ‘butterfly’ ain Because of you I will cringe every tiain for the rest of uess I’ll be wearing long pants every day for the rest ofrerabbedoff of the floor I didn’t even turn around to utter the last words I would ever say to the guy that I loved, "I would have gone to hell and back for you, Ash Anything I would have done anything, but instead you broke , out of the house and directly into the car I drove around the block just to get out of sight of the house and I pulled ers hadout?