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1 The Old-Fashioned Family and the Beastly Baby

Once upon a tihby: an old-fashioned type of family, with four children

The eldest was a boy named Timothy; he elve Barnaby and Barnaby were ten-year-old twins No one could tell the because they had the same name; so they were known as Barnaby A and Barnaby B Most people, including their parents, shortened this to A and B, and many were unaware that the twins even had na with eyeglasses and bangs She was the youngest, just six and a half, and her name was Jane

They lived in a tall, thin house in an ordinary city and they did the kinds of things that children in old-fashioned stories do They went to school and to the seashore They had birthday parties Occasionally they were taken to the circus or the zoo, although they did not carethe elephants

Their father, an impatient and irasciblea briefcase and an u Their o to work Wearing a pearl necklace, she grudgingly prepared the meals Once she read a book but found it distasteful because it contained adjectives Occasionally she glanced at a ot that they had children and became quite irritable when they were reold, as many old-fashioned boys do, but he hid it behind a somewhat bossy exterior It was Tiaame of chess now," he occasionally said, "and the rules are that only boys can play, and the girl will serve cookies each time a pawn is captured"); how they would behave in church ("Kneel nicely and keep a pleasant look on your face, but think only about elephants," he told them once); whether or not they would eat what their ht announce, and they would all put down their forks and refuse to open their ry)

Once, his sister whispered to him privately, after a dinner they had refused to eat, "I liked it"

But Tie You are not allowed to like stuffed cabbage"

"All right," Jane said with a sigh She went to bed hungry and drea older and ame she liked or eat any food she chose

Their lives proceeded in exactly the way lives proceeded in old-fashioned stories

One day they even found a baby on their doorstep This happens quite often in old-fashioned stories The Bobbsey Twins, for example, found a baby on their doorstep once But it had never happened to the Willoughbys before The baby was in a wicker basket and wearing a pink sweater that had a note attached to it with a safety pin

"I wonder why Father didn’t notice it when he left for work," Barnaby A said, looking down at the basket, which was blocking the front steps to their house when the four children set out oneto take a walk in the nearby park

"Father is oblivious--you know that," Tim pointed out "He steps over any obstructions I expect he poked it aside" They all looked down at the basket and at the baby, which was sound asleep

They pictured their father taking a high step over it after htly out of his ith his furled black umbrella

"We could set it out for the trash collector," Barnaby B suggested "If you take one handle, A, and I take the other, I believe we could get it down the stairs without much trouble Are babies heavy?"

"Please, could we read the note?" asked Jane, trying to use the self-assured voice that she practiced in secret

The note was folded over so that the writing could not be seen

"I don’t think it’s necessary," Tim replied

"I believe we should," Barnaby B said "It could possibly say so the baby," Barnaby A suggested "Or it ht be a ransom note"

"You dolt!" Tim said to him "Ransom notes are sent by the ones who have the baby"

"Maybe we could send one, then," said Barnaby A

"Perhaps it says the baby’s name," said Jane Jane was very interested in names because she had always felt she had an inadequate one, with too few syllables "I would like to know its name"

The baby stirred and opened its eyes

"I suppose the notedown at it "It an to whied to a yowl

"Or," said Barnaby B, holding his ears, "how to keep the"

"If the note doesn’t tell the name, may I name it?" Jane asked

"What would you name it?" Barnaby A asked with interest

Jane frowned "So with three syllables, I think," she said "Babies deserve three syllables"

"Brittany?" Barnaby A asked

"Possibly," Jane replied

"Madonna?" Barnaby B suggested

"No," Jane said "Taffeta, I think"

By now the baby aving its fists, kicking its chubby legs, and crying loudly The Willoughbys’ cat appeared at the front door, gazed briefly down at the basket, twitched its whiskers, and then dashed back inside as if it was made nervous by the sound The baby did sound a bit like a yowling kitten; perhaps that hy