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"Annie--"

"No, let me finish I’ve had this little talk planned for days and I’ to deliver it The least you can do is stand here and listen"

He closed his eyes and nodded

"I’ve decided to haunt you"

"What?" His eyes flew open

"That’s right You won’t be able to go into a restaurant without believing you seebehind every corner I’ll follow you down every street And as for enjoying another bowl of chili, you can forget that, as well" By now her voice was tre

"I never meant to hurt you"

She abruptly turned away fro the tears from her cheeks with both hands

"Be happy, Annie"

She would try There was nothing else to do

Chapter Eleven

"Have you had a chance to look over those brochures?" Muriel asked Maryanne teeks later They were sitting at the breakfast table, savoring the last of their coffee

"I was thinking I should find myself another job" It was either that or spend the rest of her life poring over cookbooks Some people travelled to cure a broken heart, some worked--but not Maryanne She hadn’t written a word since she’d left Seattle Not one word

She’d planned to send out new queries, start researching new articles for specialty azines So up a storm Cookies for the local day-care center, cakes for the senior citizens’ hoh flour in the past week to take care of the Midheat crop Since the holiday season was fast approaching, baking see to do

"But, sweetie, Europe this time of year is fabulous"

"I’ just doesn’t interest ht now"

Herdoes Maryanne, you can’t bake cookies for the rest of your life"

"I know, I know If I keep this up I’ll look like the Goodyear blihed "That obviously isn’t true If anything, you’ve been losing weight" She hesitated before adding, "And you’ve been so quiet"

When she was in pain, Maryanne alithdrew into herself, seeking what co She was struggling to push every thought of Nolan froet out of the kitchen and rejoin the world Soon she’d write again Maybe there was a ht wryly It would be a place to start, anyway, to regain her enthusiasain Even the sale of three articles hadn’t cheered her She’d stared at the checks and felt a vague sense of disappointment If only they’d arrived before she left Seattle; then she

"Is it still so painful?" Muriel asked unexpectedly Nolan and Maryanne’s time in Seattle, were subjects they all avoided, and Maryanne appreciated the opportunity to talk about him

"I wish you and Dad had known him the way I did," she said wistfully "He’s such a contradiction Rough and surly on the outside, but gentle and coh you’re describing your father"

She pondered her mother’s words "Nolan is a lot like Daddy Principled and proud Independent to a fault I didn’t realize that in the beginning, only later" She laughed softly "No rier than Nolan" Nor could any s he evoked as he kissed her She came to life in his arms

"He drove me crazy with how stubborn he could be At first all I could see was his defensiveness He’d scowl at , as if he couldn’t wait to get me out of his hair He used to look atbut trouble Then he’d do these incredibly considerate things" She was thinking of the day she’d hborhood teens to haul her boxes up four flights of stairs How he’d brought her dinner Thehe’d fixed her radiator Even the time he’d tried to find her a more "suitable" date

"There’ll be another man for you, sweetie, someone who’ll love you as much as you love him"

A bittersweet smile crossed Maryanne’s lips That was the irony of it all

"Nolan does love me I know it now, in my heart I believed hi It’s just that he was in love with soo and he was badly hurt," she said "He’s afraid to leave hiain To cohter If I weren’t, he o of his insecurities andout"

Maryanne understood that her mother’s words were meant to comfort her, but they had the opposite effect Nolan wasn’t the only one who’d lost "I realize that and I think in some sense he does, too, but it’s not much help"

Her mother was silent

"You know, Mo herself with a sudden streak of enthusias off to Paris, but I think a shopping expedition would do us both a world of good We’ll start at the top floor of Sak’s and work our way straight down to the base They arrived home at dinnertime, exhausted yet rejuvenated