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He broke theus both more coffee When he cas to Like with a shrink, I suppose You took my money and now you have to listen"
"All part of the service How did you decide to be a piet into a business like this?" He chuckled, then stopped and thought for a moment "I had this friend," he said "A white boy froo"
"I've heard of it"
"I had this act for hihetto, that I'd done it all, you know? Then he got killed It was stupid, eren't near the line, he got drunk and a jeep ran over hi those stories anyot hoe"
He walked over to the"And I had this girl over there," he said, his back to o over to her place and sive herfantasies ofher back Stateside I wouldn't have done it, but I was thinking about it, and then I found out she wasn't but a whore I don't knohy I ever thought she was anything else, but aher, but shit, I didn't want to do that I wasn't even that angry What I did, I stopped sh"
"Just like that?"
"Just like that And I asked myself, Okay, what do you want to be? And the picture filled in, you know, a few lines here and a few lines there I was a good little soldier for the rest of my hitch Then I caht yourself?"
"Shit, I invented myself Gave myself the name Chance I started out in life with a first name and a middle naave myself a name and created a style and the rest just fell into place Pi is power You just act like you already got it and the woive it to you That's all it really is"
"Don't you have to have a purple hat?"
"It's probably easiest if you look and dress the part But if you go and play against the stereotype they think you're so special"
"Were you?"
"I was always fair with them Never knocked them around, never threatened theo ahead and God bless"
"The pi But I cared for them And I had a heavenly dream for a life, man I really did"
"You still do"
He shook his head "No," he said "It's slipping away Whole thing's slipping away and I can't hold onto it"
Chapter 31
We left the converted firehouse witha chauffeur's cap A few blocks away he pulled over and returned the cap to the glove compartment while I joined him in front The commuter traffic had pretty much thinned out by then and we made the trip into Manhattan quickly and in relative silence We were a little aloof with each other, as if we'd already shared es at the desk I went upstairs, changed ot the32 froun I seemed unable to fire? I couldn't see any, but I put it in ht a paper, and without thinking too much about it I walked around the corner and took a table in Ar's My usual corner table Trina ca tier and a sot a sudden flash of a lass I could see it, I could s of a lemon twist I could feel the bite as it hit bottoe for a drink passed as suddenly as it had come on me I decided it was a reflex, a reaction to the at here for so long, I'd been eighty-sixed here after my last bender, and I hadn't crossed the threshold since It was only natural that I'd think of a drink It didn't mean I had to have one
I ate my meal, drank a second cup of coffee afterward I read o over to St Paul's
The qualification was an alcoholic version of the American Dream The speaker was a poor boy froe, rose to a vice-presidency at one of the television networks, then lost it all drinking He went all the way doound up in Los Angeles drinking Sterno in Pershing Square, then found AA and got it all back
It would have been inspiring if I could have kept ht about Sunny's funeral, I thought about what Chance had toldall over the whole case, trying to make sense out of it
Daht
I left during the discussion, before it was ht I walked back to 's for aup without leaving a e and called Jan
No answer Well, she was probably still at her o out for coffee afterward, probably wouldn't get ho until it ended, then gone to coffee with some of the others I could join the out wasn't all that far away
I thought about it And decided I didn't really want to go there
I picked up a book but couldn't ot undressed, went into the bathroom and ran the shower But I didn't need a shower, for Christ's sake, I just had a shower that , and theChance working out eights What the hell did I need with a shower?