Page 11 (1/2)
Change your opinions,
keep to your principles;
Change your leaves,
keep intact your roots
- VICTOR HUGO
ELEVEN
We can take shifts" Ford glanced over at Cilla as he drove She hadn’t objected when he insisted she needed to go hoet some rest, have a meal And that worried him "They’re pretty strict in ICU anyway, and don’t let you hang out very long, so we’ll take shifts Between you and uys, we’ll cover it"
"They don’t kno long he’ll be in a coma It could be hours, or days, and that’s if-"
"When We’re going hen"
"I’ve never had a very optimistic nature"
"That’s okay" He tried to find a tone between firot one and you can borrow a piece"
"It looked like he’d been beaten Just beaten"
"It’s the skull fracture I talked to one of the nurses when you were in with hiht, hadn’t dulled the shock when he’d been allowed a minute with Steve "So’s the co his body a chance to heal It’s focusing"
"You do have plenty of optiood guy pulls it out every tio with your rainbohen-he cootten that, too, but saw no point in pushing through to worst-case scenario "In my rainboorld, and in your darker version, the brain relearns It’s a clever bastard"
"I didn’t get the goddaot in the barn and went at Steve, why do you think a padlock would’ve kept theers into her palates And planted fucking trees"
"Yeah, I figure the trees are what did it Makes it all your fault" He waited for her to take a shot at hi "Okay, again, if soht-iron panels stop them? What happened to pessimism?"
She only shook her head and stared at the house "I don’t knohat I’ht The place is cursed My uncle died, randmother, and now Steve may die For what? So I can buff and polish, paint and tri for that link, that click, that connection with ot none with my own mother? What’s the point? She’s dead, so what’s the point?"
"Identity" Ford gripped her arm before she could push the car door open "How can we knoe really are until we knohere we came from, and overcome it, build on it or accept it?"
"I knoho I am" She wrenched free, shoved the door open Slammed it behind her
"No, you really don’t," Ford responded
She strode around the side of the house Work, she thought, a couple hours of sweaty work, then she’d clean up and go back to the hospital The patio had been repaired, the new slate laid, with the ays roped and dug except for the one she’d added to the plans The one leading to the barn Yellow crily ribbon over a nasty gift She stared at it as Shanna dropped her shovel and raced over the lawn
Cilla willed her compassion back into place She wasn’t the only one worried and distressed "There’s no change" She gripped Shanna’s extended hand
The rest of the landscape crew stopped working, and soe," she repeated, lifting her voice "They’ve got hi tests All we can do is wait"
"Are you going back?" Shanna asked her
"Yeah, in a little while"
"Brian?"
Brian gave Shanna a quick nod "Go ahead"
Yanking her phone out of her pocket, Shanna strode toward the front of the house
"Her sister can pick her up," Brian explained He pulled his cap off his short brown hair, raked griot here, go by and see Steve herself"
"Good That’s good"
"The rest of us, and Matt and Dobby and such, we’ll go by, too Don’t know as they’ll let us in to see hi earlier She’s blaht, and so on" Sighing, he replaced his cap After one glance at Ford, he got the picture Taking off his sunglasses, he focused his summer blue eyes on Cilla "I told her there’s no ifs, and no bla out the ifs and the blaone out to play pool, if he hadn’t gone in the barn And that’s crap Best thing is to hold good thoughts Anyway"
He took a bandanna out of his pocket to wipe the sweat frouess you can see Asking questions I can’t say what they’re thinking about this"
"I hope they’ve stopped thinking he was drunk and did that to hiht on the drunk part"
"Good" It loosened one of the multitude of knots in her belly "I met your mother"
"Did you?"
"At the hospital She was a lot of help Well" Tears continued to burn the back of her eyes as she stared into the sunlight "The patio looks good"
"Helps to have work"
"Yeah So give me some, will you?"
"That I can do" He shot a smile at Ford "How about you? Want a shovel?"
"I like to watch," Ford said easily "And I’ve got to check on Spock"
"Just as well Give this guy a shovel or a pick?" he said to Cilla "And if there’s a pipe or a cable in the ground, he’ll hit it, first cut"
"That only happened once Maybe twice," Ford qualified
WHEN THE CREW KNOCKED OFF, she knocked off with theain, but was still well shy of the mark Like an automaton, she pulled on fresh clothes She decided she’d buy so to occupy hered downstairs, Ford stood in her unfinished living rooress, but I don’t know that much about it, and it doesn’t look like it to ot dinner out on the veranda Spock sends his regards as he’s dining at ho"
"Dinner? Listen, I-"
"You have to eat So do I" He grabbed her hand, pulled her out "We’ve got my secondary specialty"
She stared at the paper plates and cups, the bottle of wine and the can of Coke And in the center of the folding table sat a dish of macaroni and cheese
"You made e in theto directions It’s mac and cheese if you aren’t too fussy" He poured so"
"You’re not having wine"
"That’s ’cause I like the nuked version just fine, and I’ you to the hospital"
A hot ht, without a need for asking "You don’t have to do that, do this"
He pulled her chair out, nudged her into it "It’syou don’t have to do"
"Why are you?" She looked up, into his eyes "Why are you doing this for me?"
"You knohat, Cilla, I’m not entirely sure But" He pressed his lips to her forehead before he sat "I believe you matter"
She clutched her hands in her lap as he scooped out two heaping spoons of the macaroni and cheese onto her plate Then, to clear her throat, she took a sip of wine "That’s the second thing you’ve said to me today no one else ever has"
Those eyes of his lifted, zeroed in on hers "No one ever told you you mattered?"
"Maybe Steve In different words, in different ways But no, not just that way"
"You do Go on and eat That stuff gets cold, it turns to ce-or the first, actually, that you said to me today was you wouldn’t leave me alone"
He only looked at her, and she couldn’t tell if it was pity or understanding, or simply patience, on his face Whatever it was, she kneas exactly what she needed And so uess you meant it, because here you are" She stabbed up a forkful, slid it into her mouth and smiled around it "It’s terrible Thanks," she said and stabbed another bite
"You’re welcome"
THERE WAS NO CHANGE when they arrived at the hospital, and no change when they left hours later Cilla slept with the phone clutched in her hand, willing it to ring, willing the on-duty nurse to call to tell her Steve ake and lucid
But no call came The dreams did
SHENANDOAH VALLEY 1960
"This is how it looked, the first time I saw it My little farm"
In red capri pants, a white shirt tied at the midriff and white Keds, Janet strolled arm in arm with Cilla Janet’s sunshine hair bounced in a jaunty ponytail
"Of course, that’s not true-exactly-as when I first cahts, the cables, the trucks The city we make on locations You know"
"Yes, I know"
"But we’re looking through that now As I did then What do you see?"
"A pretty house, with si porches with old rocking chairs where you can sit and do absolutely nothing Sweet little gardens and big shade trees"
"Keep going"
"The big red barn, and oh! Horses in the paddock!" Cilla rushed over to the paddock fence, thrilled with the breeze that fluttered through her hair and rippled the manes on the mare and her foal "They’re so beautiful"
"Did you alant a pony?"
"Of course" Laughing, Cilla turned her head to sirl wants a pony And a puppy, a kitten"
"But you never got thees You know"
"Yes, I know"
"A chicken house! Just listen to the in their pen Look at the fields Is that corn? And there’s a kitchen garden I can see the torow toent and amused "And have a pony, a puppy and a kitten"
"Is that what I want? I’m not ten anyure it out Is it what you wanted?"
"I wanted everything I didn’t have, and if I got it, it was never exactly what I wanted after all Or in the long run Even this place" She swept out an aresture, to encompass the farm "I fell in love, but then I fell easy and often, as everyone knows, and out again And I thought, I have to have it"
Lifting both her arms, Janet turned, circle after circle "The fa red barn, tomatoes on the vine That’s what I’ve never had But I can buy it, I can own it" She stopped spinning "Then, of course, I had to change it The gardens had to be lusher, the colors bolder, the lights brighter I needed bright, bright lights And even though I ht the stars here to stroll like Gatsby’s ghosts across the lawn, it never really changed It never lost its welcome And I never fell out of love"