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&039;But there is food&039;

&039;Food&039;s off,&039; I said bluntly &039;That was the last of it&039;

She put her head between her folded ar me the conversation was over

&039;I mean it,&039; I said &039;Food&039;s off You stay here, you starve to death&039;

She didn&039;t answer Fine, so she wanted to be alone I turned off the sound and left her to it

&039;Duh she couldn&039;t hear enda of invectives, but I realized suddenly what had just happened, as still happening I was angry I&039;d h on the face of it I didn&039;t have the necessary equiper, then presumably I could do other flashy emotional ed on toboard I didn&039;t surface for five hours, and by that time I was three hundred thousand up on the day

Saint Nicholas was back, with gifts of ass-kickings for all

After I closed out on the day, I checked in with the woman She seemed to be asleep, but she stirred when I clicked the ?&039; I asked her

&039;Janine,&039; shemuzzily to camera

&039;I&039;m Nick&039;

&039;Hi, Nick&039;

&039;You can stay here to night,&039; I said &039;Tomorroe&039;ll talk&039;

But we didn&039;t Not much, anyway I made a food drop at 6:00 AM, before she was even awake, then caood day on thebed, though, and soo on it I picked a local store that could deliver ied it in one It ain, even though it wasn&039;t a waruess

Over the next few days, I furnished Janine&039;s corridor pretty lavishly She arranged it: all I did was buy the stuff and bring it to the door then let her choose for herself where to put it I&039;d started to leave the mike on by this time so she could telltea, a chemical toilet, even a little portable DVD player and a fewboards

The weirdest thing of all, though, was that I actually started talking to her while I was dealing It seemed to help me concentrate, in sos she liked to talk about were stupid and irritating - her favorite celebrities, previous seasons of Big Brother, her hatred for super&039; noises whenever they seeravation into soot so that if she actually shut up for a while, I&039;d throw in a question or two to get her talking again Questions about herself she didn&039;t like to answer, except to say that she was living on the street because of so that had happened between her and her stepfather back when she turned eighteen I got the impression that it had been a violent and draotten the worst of the deal

&039;He cahtly, curious

&039;I suppose He ca and tried to get in with me&039;

&039;That&039;s pretty unequivocal,&039; I allowed

&039;Pretty what?&039;

&039;Clear-cut Hard to ht So I smacked him in the mouth with the showerhead really hard, and then I ran out&039;

&039;Naked?&039;

&039;No, Nick Not naked&039;

&039;Then you were showering in your street clothes?&039;

A pause &039;I didn&039;t run out straightaway He fell down and hit his head I had tiham, Janine told me, as if I could possibly have mistaken her accent She&039;d taken a bus down to London the sa hairdressing and beauty at Barnet College But the friend had acquired a boyfriend and wasn&039;t keen on that arrangeirl, whose floor she occupied for a while Not a very long while, though: there was an argument about the rules for the use of the bathrooain before the end of the week

I was starting to see why Janine wasn&039;t big on washing

&039;So what about you, Nick?&039; she askedthis for ?&039;

&039;Well,&039; I said, &039;when you put it like that, Janine, the answer has to be nothing&039;

&039;I can hear you typing away up there,&039; she said &039;Are you writing a book?&039;

&039;Yeah,&039; I lied &039;I&039;&039;

&039;How come? You&039;re already rich?&039;

&039;I&039; silence The next ti, she asked me if she could see me

&039;The cameras only work one-way,&039; I pointed out

&039;I don&039;t mean on the cameras I mean, you know, face-to-face &039;

&039;I&039;ll think about it,&039; I lied

But she wouldn&039;t leave the idea alone: she kept bringing it up last thing at night, when I was logging off and cashing in I kept being evasive, and she kept going quiet on et nothing back: she went to sleep each night surrounded by a miasma of hurt silence

In the end, I did it by accident - almost by accident, I should say When I unlocked the doors oneso I could drop off a food delivery, I flicked one switch tooagainst the open door with her arms folded in a stubborn, take- no-prisoners kind of pose The crazy thing is, I sort of knew on some level that I&039;d done it, that I&039;d opened the final door and reree of prophylaxis between us I just didn&039;t let myself think about it until ere face-to-face and it was too late to back out

She stared attime in silence Then her face wrinkled up in a sort of slo-mo wince &039;You look horrible,&039; she said

&039;Thanks,&039; I answered inadequately &039;You say the sweetest fucking things&039;

That h just a little, the sound pulled out of her alainst her will She took a few steps toward ain and sniffed the air cautiously

&039;What&039;s that smell?&039; she wanted to know

&039;Which one? I have a complex bouquet&039;

&039;It&039;s likeantiseptic or so&039;

&039;Formaldehyde, probably I&039;m pickled inside and out, Janine It&039;s why I don&039;t smell of rotten meat&039;

&039;You s guy accused of having bad body odor &039;I don&039;t,&039; I said &039;I went to a lot of fucking effort to-&039;

She esture that shutup her hands in surrender, except that she only threw them up about an inch or so &039;I&039;ht You don&039;t smell rotten You just look like you should smell rotten Your skin is all waxy and sweaty, and I can see stitches in your neck&039;

My carotid was one of the places where I&039;d inserted a trocar to draw off so the war on rot &039;Don&039;t get me started,&039; I advised her

So she didn&039;t

&039;Shohere you live,&039; she suggested instead

She stayed upstairs with ainst the cold Then she retired back to her little dead-end corridor, hoherself back into the world of the living to ht her a couple of hot-water bottles, and she was able to stay longer I didn&039;tas she kept theainst her skin The thermostats were still set at the same level, so the room didn&039;t warh to me for the heat to be a probleot to lock her in, and after I&039;d forgotten once, it kind of felt like going back to that state of affairs would be a slap in the face to her - a way of saying that I thought I could trust her; but then decided I didn&039;t, after all

That thought raised all kinds of other thoughts, because it suggested that I did trust her There was no reason why I should Back when I was alive, I&039;d never felt more for people like her than a kind of queasy contempt, mixed with the unpleasant sensation that usually translates - by so process - as &039;There but for the grace of God&039;

But God doesn&039;t have any grace, and I don&039;t have the ti laenerally speaking, Ion here, anyway?

At first, I justified it to s Janine could haway like it did in the old days - and that gave e back But plausible as that explanation was, it was ultito log on

At this point I was evenher stuff It wasn&039;t even stuff she needed to live any hnuts and even - I swear to God - a fucking hat

You&039;re probably thinking that there was soht so When I presented her with the final little chachka - the straw that broke the ca ti out to take it She looked unhappy

&039;What?&039; I demanded &039;What&039;s the ot a J on it, for Janine Those are diamonds, you realize Little ones, but still&039;

She lookedaround &039;Do I have to blow you to sit at the fire?&039; she asked

I thought about that I wasn&039;t insulted: it was a fair question, I assuiven the way she lived outside on the streets I also wondered for a split second if sheattracted to her She was dirty, she was as skinny as a stick, and she had bad skin Back when I had a pulse, I would have sooner fucked a greased oven glove

&039;There is no fire,&039; I reminded her

She nodded slowly &039;Okay, then,&039; she said, and took the necklace

But the writing was on the wall, because once I figured out what it wasn&039;t, I couldn&039;t hide any more from what it was

That shitty old poem: it&039;s not &039;las&039;

I watched her sleep that night, and I knew I letfrohost expressions chase the her breathe

The next rand, et lost

She cried and she asked ure it out if she thought about it long enough When she asked about the money, I said it was a one-tiet the hell away from here, and not talk about me to anyone she knew on the street, or else I&039;d have all the ho up my drainpipes

She cried some more, and I knew she didn&039;t buy it It didn&039;t h: that was all the explanation I was prepared to give her I walked her down the stairs, through the maze, all the way to the door I unlocked it for her She stepped across the threshold then turned to stare atfor the space of three heartbeats Maybe four: ine if the necklace had been a collar,&039; I said

She nodded &039;I get it,&039; she said

&039;And if I fitted a little leash to it Took you out for walkies&039;

&039;I said I get it, Nicky I don&039;t think it was like that&039;

But I knew she rong Old ladies have their cushion dogs, their ugly little pugs and Pekes and Chihuahuas Dead guys have homeless women

&039;Thanks,&039; Janine said, &039;for the money It&039;s more than I ever had in my life&039;

&039;You&039;re welcome,&039; I said &039;Rent a flat With a bath or a shower or soave ood for you here,&039; she said

&039;It&039;s great forLow humidity A perfectly controlled environment&039;

&039;Stay in the world, Nicky,&039; she anic way

&039;Is that the same as the street?&039; I countered &039;I&039;ll pass, thanks&039;

Sheot the point: no body heat or radiated thery, by request

&039;Bye, then,&039; she said, with a slight tremor in her voice

&039;Bye, Janine,&039; I said

&039;Is it okay if I write to you?&039;

&039;Why not? So long as you e&039;

She turned and ran, pretty ht around the corner of the building That was the last I saw of her

I waited to see if she&039;d coht do that, think of one last thing to say or ask if she could stay one ave her ten ain fro real, unfiltered air flow across my flesh Finally I shut the front door, did a quick round of the outer circle to ers, then went back upstairs and locked ain

It was really quiet Quiet as the to away behind the far wall I thought about going down and grabbing one of her DVDs, but they were all feel-good shit that wouldonline: the vibe rong, which meant the best I could hope for was adequate But finally, around about ot back in the hot seat for a few hours of Far-Eastern ospel, in ain