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When I reach the clear pool of water that sa, Dante is not there His absence hits me like a wall It was too much to hope, I know But as I sit exhausted beside the pond and stare at the reflection of the vanishing sunlight and the slow eence of the stars, I ponder the unfairness of life Here was Dante, a siive his life for a just cause, killed out of love for me And here am I, a ranted , yet I feel I would trade all of his grace just to see rows darker and still Dante does not come

He is dead, I know Death is all I know

There is blood on irl&039;s life

Funny I hadn&039;t noticed it before Leaning over the pond, I place my hand in the water and try to wash off the dark red stain

But it does not come off I wonder why

"Good You have passed the first step of initiation The second step will coirl had been the second step

Or so he said That Prince of Lies

He is dead now He will say no more

Not to me There will be no third initiation

I scrub my hand fiercely To no avail

I have never seen a stain like this before

"But I am sorry for what I did," I tell the starry pond "You know I had to do it I had no choice"

If I a to God, he does not answer me

But once more my memory of the future is clear Perhaps the pond acts as a catalyst It is every bit as clear and round as the one Alanda led ine that I can see rip on reality makes me marvel at how much my memory faltered while I was e me Maybe my deep-seated fears distortedthe horrors that awaitedback in time

I feel as if all my powers, the ones I left behind in the twentieth century, have returned to er need them I a at the stars does not bring me back to Alanda and Gaia and their spaceship Bat maybe I don&039;t want to leave yet I promised Dante I would wait for hi it takes, long past hope I will sit here Or, indeed, I even consider the possibility of returning to the castle to see if he has been taken captive once more I could free hio back to that castle

I swore it once before and I swear it again

The stars, as they are reflected in the pond, move lazily on the faint motion of the water They are beautiful and I feel as if I can stare at them forever Yet my mood is not peaceful There is o away I hear a strident refrain fro at the heavens, I look upon a vast stage where Wolfra played out I see the knights striving to fulfill their quest for the Grail, and then, Klingsor, in the back?ground, always out of sight, obstructing their every inus I wonder if I should have left it in Landulf s body The sacred stabbed through the sinful But I had feared to approach the center of the pentagram to retrieve it

Even when he was dead, I was still afraid of hi

I asor stained? What was his mark?

The play explained it all If only I could re about a certain kind of smoothness

But I cannot remember No

Nor can I understand why Dante was so insistent that I understand theof the Medusa story He was such a sioodness, but when he spoke of reat authority Almost as if another personality used histo warn me of a deeper threat One that could not be seen because the true power of the wizard was that he was able to control one&039;s will Capable of turning whomever he wished to stone, so that he or she did not move unless the wizard wished it

Could that be the real on did not merely kill her enemies

She placed them under complete mind control

Doubts continue to assail me Questions that are more like ancient riddles What about the snakes in the hair of Medusa? What about her fair face? Dante had ehed and told him it was time to concentrate on as real But I of all people should have known that reality was not alhat it seemed

A profound certainty sweeps overunseen

Then I see hi up the path to the pond, li for breath In a e rock not far from the water He is in worse shape than when I saw hi about how sorry he is that he is late, and why he is late I can&039;t get a word in, but I am so happy to see him that I weep Really, it is one of the most wonderful moments of eas blocked," he says rapidly, with hardly any air in his lungs "There was a large stone I had never seen this stone before Never! My lady, I didn&039;t knohat to do I tried walking back in your direction, but I couldn&039;t find you, and I kept slipping in the water My brace kept falling off, and once it almost floated away I would have been crippled! Then I took another path that I know but no one else knows and I went back into the castle and by all the saints in heaven I kneas going to be put back in the prison But everyone ignoredall over the place and the servants were crying and it sounded as if so horrible had befallen Lord Landulf" He pauses to breathe and his eyes shine with hope "What befell him, my lady?" he asks

I have to smile Yet there is no joy in it and I wonder why My happiness is terets I can hardly explain to myself

"He died," I say "I killed hihter But then he catches hin of the cross But his relief is not to be contained and a ain He jus ood for hi it

"Is he is really dead?" he keeps asking "Are you sure it was him? Did you see his body? Are you sure it was his body?"

I strive to calinus through his evil heart He died like any other"Did you burn his body? Did the smoke stink?"

I shake my head "No I didn&039;t burn hihtly "But what did you do with his body,I left it Don&039;t worry, he will not return to haunt us I ao to Messi?na now and tell everyone that the world is safe?"

I force a laugh "Yes We can tell everyone that there is nothing left to worry about" But hter soon dies because that is not the way I feel I add softly, "We will tell the whole world"

Dante is uncertain "Is so, my lady?"

I turn away "No I aain your strength"

He stands and steps to hs on your heart Share it with hten your burden"

My eyes are suddenly damp I am ashamed to look at his face

But I feel I can tell him He will understand "When I found Lord Landulf," I say, "he was in the stone circle as you said he would be But I did not do what you suggested I did not wait for him to leave the circle to attack hiht I could just kill him and then it would be all over with"

Dante speaks sympathetically "But you could not penetrate the circle"

My hands clasp each other uneasily I cannot stopthem "Yes There was an invisible shield around it Landulf had created it, I believe, by e a sacrifice that required hiasps "Lady Cia!"

"Yes She was dead when I arrived But there was a young woman chained nearby as very et to hiirl&039;s heart At first I refused, but then this pounding started in my head, and it wouldn&039;t stop, and I didn&039;t knohat to do In a er I reached for her " I have trouble finishing "I reached for her and I--I killed her, Dante I killed her withto ood hand touch my shoulder "You did what you had to do, my lady"

I clasp his hand but shake my head "I don&039;t know Sometimes I think I just did what I have always done in the past--kill That has always been esture weakly "But this girl--she was praying for me to save her"

"But you saved the rest of us"

I am emotional "Did I? Did I do what I was supposed to do? If I did then can you explain to irl&039;s blood refuses to wash off rabs my left hand and stares at it anxiously "Perhaps we only need to wash it in clean water Co will be all right"

I take backit a dozen times The stain will not come off"

He is confused "But why?"

I lower my head "I think it is because I listened to Landulf, in the end"

"No!"

"Yes I performed the ritual murder of an innocent That&039;s all that was needed to be initiated by him" I pause and stare at ht, but I see the stain well It is almost as if I see my whole life expressed in the red of the mark "I have become one of them," I whisper

Dante is adael! You bring light where there is darkness! Hope where there is despair! A dozen times you have come to e!"

I turn and force a s you because I kept putting you in danger" I raise my hand as he tries to protest "Please don&039;t look upon et to heaven, you&039;ll see real angels and they&039;ll look nothing like me"

He pauses and seems to think hard for a moment, but his eyes never leave my face "You have too much love in you to be hated by God," he says finally, "When we get to heaven, you&039;ll see that"

I have to laugh and hug hiain "My friend! What would I do without you? No, wait, don&039;t answer that question There is so to do for the last few days But before I do it I want you to know that it is entirely safe That no har to bring"

He is curious "What is this wonderful thing you are going to do?"

I hold his shoulders and stare into his eyes, trying to bring cal into his excited et o a edand resistant to disease It is iet sick And just a few drops of my blood is able to heal others" I pause "Do you understand what I a, Dante?"

He shakes his head "I am not sure, my lady"

"I want to cut myself and sprinkle a few drops of my blood over your sores I know they hurt you terribly, but when a little of my blood touches them they will close and heal It will be almost be like you never had leprosy No one will be able to tell by looking at you"

He frowns "But it is God&039;s will that I am sick My disease is a punishe the will of God"

"Your disease is not a punishht from another person who had the same disease"

He blinks "Froave you the leprosy"

He protests "But I never did anything to them I only tried to help them"

"But you were around theot sick"

His confusion deepens "But Landulf wanted to use your blood,he wanted to do"

"There is a difference, Dante Landulf wanted to use my blood to hurt people I want to use it to heal you"

His superstitions are deep His disquiet remains

"But blood should not be shared," he says "That is what heathens do When the Holy Father accusedblood with children I thought at the time that it was lies but it careat evil that Landulf did that With blood he invoked the demons from hell The pope saw clearly"

"The pope did not see clearly Good God, Dante, the pope had you castrated"

His face twitches and his lower lip trembles I have wounded him with my words and feel ashamed He drops his head in humiliation

"I wanted only to do God&039;s will," he ht now But I do not kno your blood can make ue all night, and get nowhere, and I believe it is possible that he could die this very night Fro and the other abuse, his sores are even more inflamed Half his body is infected tissue, and I feel without even touching him the fever that cooks his blood The effort it took him to reachis a perpetual wheeze If I do not give him my blood soon, I will not be able to return to the future with a clear conscience

"Dante," I say, ain "Look at me"

He blinks rapidly "My lady?"

"Look only at me, my friend Listen only to ift from God Just a few drops of it will make you feel better, and God wants you to feel better after all that you have struggled do in his name"

He is suddenly dreaine how nice it will to have your sores healed How good it will be not to have people run ahen they see you because they see you only as a leper Dante, one in a few one," he whispers to himself with his eyes closed