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THE HOUSE LOOKED s, in life, about the roof; that it needed re-shingling I re disturbed about the outside of the house which needed repainting The bushes around the house usually needed pruning, the garage straightening up

Yet, compared to what I saw before les were cracked and dirty,The paint on the outside walls and on the doors andfraed, parts of the walls defaced by long,cracks The bushes, like those on the hill, were brown and dry, the garage a disht, its oil-stained floor covered with blown in dirt and leaves All the trash barrels were overflowing, two of the sight of h the rear doorway of the garage which had no door now Through the opening, I saw the el toward the hill

Ann’s Honda was parked in front of the house At first, I felt surprised to see only her car and looked around for the others, especially the camper

It came to me then that this was her particular limbo and could only possess what she expected to see in it

I walked to her car and exaht made me queasy She’d always been so proud of it, kept it so immaculate Now it looked old, its chrome pitted with rust, its paint faded, s streaked with dirt, one side dented, one tire flat Is this what everything is like here? I wondered

I tried not to think about it but turned toward the front doors

They looked old too, stained, their knobs corroded The glass cover on the porch light was broken, shards of glass lying across the porch A section of the slate floor was ain, that sense of bleak depression I fought it off And I haven’t even gone inside, I thought, the idea chilling rotesque to knock on the door of my own home-- well, it looked like my home albeit a distorted form of it-- but I kne abrupt appearances alar home at an unexpected tied froasped in shock and, literally, recoiled, saying, "Oh! I didn’t hear you co her

No one answered I stood on the porch for what see up, I turned the knob and started to open the door Its bottoes ht I stepped inside The slate floor in the hallway looked as bad as the one on the porch I shuddered as I closed the door It actually felt colder in the house than it had outside, a cla in the air I clenchedroom No matter what I saw, I vowed, I wouldn’t let it dissuadethere

I’d always loved our living roo, the built-in bookcases, the heavy, earth-tone furniture, the enor the back deck and swi and bookcases were cracked and luster-less, its furniture worn and faded The carpeting, which I recalled as being forest green, was, now, soe, ocherous stain near the coffee table and the table itself was scratched and splintered, its oak tone completely flat

I’d had that table hand over to it, I looked down at the chessboard and men Ann had hadpiece of craftsree, the men hand- cast in peith bases of turned oak, all iy and five of the pieces were , al myself that this was not the chess set I had lived with It was hard to keep that inlooked so familiar The bookcases were as I remembered the books The shutters were as I recalled--except that one of these was broken off and lying on the duty, sun-bleached cushion of theseat

I gazed out toward the deck and saw the fruitless mulberry tree No, this wasn’t the sa The deck was littered with dry leaves and the pool looked stagnant, a sli back--there was a crack in the sliding door I noticed as I did--I stepped over to the baby grand Its case, once a glossy broas now drab I touched the keys The sound they evoked was tinny The piano was completely out of tune

I averted my eyes from the dreary room and called Ann’s name

There was no answer

I called repeatedly, then, when the silence was unbroken, walked through the bar roo the day--it seeo--I’d walked this same way in our earth house, the day of my funeral, before I’d realized what had happened