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DEJA vu CAN be a ghastly ter on theoppression that Iahead Release ht now

I have been here before, the further thought assailed me It didn’t help that Albert walked beside me this time Despite his presence, I was isolated with my private fears as I walked into the church As before, the peere filled with people As before, their forray and faceless As before, I drifted down theto understand why I was there I didn’t knohat church it was I only knew that, this ti because Ann was dead

They were in the front row, sitting close together The sight of thenition I could see their faces clearly, paled and drawn by sorrow, tears in their eyes and trickling down their cheeks

E, I moved to them and tried to put my arms around the toward the front of the church The agony I’d felt at my own funeral returned, doubled now because I knew the funeral was Ann’s

I looked around suddenly, a thought occurring to me I’d been an observer at my own funeral Was it conceivable--?

"No, Chris," Albert said "She isn’t here"

I avoided the sight of my children, unable to bear the expressions on their faces, the knowledge that they were alone now

"This woman was beloved in many ways," I heard a voice intone

I looked toward the altar and saw the vague fory Who was he? I wondered I didn’t know hih he did? "As wife and mother, friend and companion Loved by her late husband, Christopher, and by her children, Louise and Marie, Richard and Ian"

I turned away froht did he have to say--?

The thought evaporated as I sahat Albert was doing

He was standing in front of Richard, his right hand on Richard’s head as though he were bestowing a wordless benediction on ?" I asked

He raised his left hand, saying nothing, and I kneanted silence I stared at him In severalhis hand on her head in the sa directly at his solid (toit struck

Then I turned away again, too agonized to face the sight of Marie

How had I failed to notice it before? A sense of sick despair enveloped ht At least the children were spared that

Another thought ca me, at my funeral, that I could look inside the casket if I tried Was that, also, true now? The despair grew deeper No, I thought I didn’t want to see her that way Her real self was elsewhere Why look at the shell?

I forced an, instead, to pray for Ann Help her to find peace, please help her to be co to the children Oncetheht to Albert I couldn’t bear this any longer Staring at the stricken faces of my children, helpless to comfort them, unable to reach them in any way

Albert had his hand on Ian’s head Suddenly, he turned, a quick smile on his lips "Be thankful for your Ian," he said

"I’