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UNEXPECTEDLY, ALBERT SAID: "Chris, I have to leave you for awhile There’s some work I must do"

I felt embarrassed "I’m sorry," I told hi up time needed elsewhere"

"Not at all" He pattedwith you And, while you’re waiting--you asked about water--take my hand"

I did as he said "Close your eyes," he toldup Katie

The instant I did, I felt a sense of rapid ined

"You can open theht nificent, forest- rie expanse of it, its surface calm except for tiny wavelets, the water crystal clear, each ripple refracting light into spectrum colors

"I’ve never seen a lake so beautiful," I said

"I thought you’d like it," he said, putting down Katie "I’ll see you later at ripped one Like that No flash of light, no indication of departure One instant, he was there, the next, he wasn’t I glanced down at Katie She didn’t seeaze at the lake "It reminds me of Lake Arrowhead," I said to Katie "You reed her tail "It was nice but nothing like this" There, browning foliage was always visible areen, debrishovered above the surface of the lake This lake was perfection and the forest and air, perfection Ann would love this, I thought

It disturbed me that, surrounded by such beauty, I should still be conscious of distress regarding her Why was I unable to let go of it? Albert had told me repeatedly to do so Why, then, did this anxiety persist?

I sat beside Katie and stroked her head "What’s wrong with me, Kate?" I asked

We looked into each other’s eyes She did understand; I could doubt it no longer I al sympathy from her

She lay besideof the ti the year and, for as long as a o there with the children I was doing well in television at the time and, in addition to the condo it stored at the North Shore Marina

Many a su, after breakfast, we’dsuits and drive to the Marina, Katie with us We’d speed to a favorite cove of ours at the south end of the lake where the children--Richard and Marie, Louise when she and her husband visited--would put on water skis and be towed Ian was too young at the tiht him a ski sled which he’d christened Captain Zip Ann liked to ride it too because she had trouble skiing

I thought about the sight of Ann lying on that sled, laughing breathlessly as she bounced across the dark, blue waters of the lake I thought about Ian riding it, grinning with delight, especially when he was able to stand up on it

For lunch, we’d anchor in the cove and eat our sandwiches and chips and cold soda from the ice chest The sun would be warm on our backs and I’d take deep, unspoken pleasure watching Ann and our lovely, tanned children as we ate and talked and laughed together

HappyTheythose tunes could never be recaptured I felt an aching loneliness inside me I missed Ann so; missed the children so Why hadn’t I told them, more often, how I loved them? If only we could share this lovely place If only Ann and I--

I shook myself impatiently Here I was in heaven,I’d survived death; all ether again What was thequickly "Let’s take a walk" More andto appreciate what Albert had said about thethe shore, I wondered, momentarily, if Albert had ht me so this "someone" could locate me Then, I realized that, whoever the so ofit The sand was soft underfoot, no stones or pebbles anywhere in sight

Stopping, I knelt and picked up a handful of the sand It ithout grit, firm in consistency yet soft to the touch; while undeniably cohesive, it felt like powder I let soers and observed the delicately ranules as they fell I lifted my hand and looked at them more closely In form and color, they resembled miniature jewels

I let the rest fall to the beach and stood The sand didn’t stick to ain, I had to shakea lake Blue sky overhead

"And people doubt there’s afterlife," I said to Katie "I did myself Incredible"

I was to say and think that last wordto the edge of the lake, I stared at it closely, watching the delicate purl of surf The water looked cold Reerly

I sighed as I felt the water It was barely cool, ey I looked down at Katie She was standing in the water next to one in water in her life; she always hated it Here, she seemed completely content

I walked into the lake until the level reachedover, I putup ood, huh, Kate?" I said

She looked at e of happiness seeing her look as she had in her prihtened up, a palmful of water cupped in low and I could feel its energy pulsing into ertips As before, when it ran offif it would do the saed until the water was up to my waist Katie didn’t follo but sat on the beach, watching et the impression she was afraid to follow, siy and kept walking until the water was up to subtly I wish I could describe the sensation in h an invigorating, loatt electric charge were soothing every cell in s buoyed up and lay in the water, rocking gently, looking at the sky Why was there no sun? I wondered It didn’t disturb lare to bother the eyes I was just curious

Another curiosity struck me I couldn’t die; I was already dead No, not dead, that word is the prie What I mean is that I knew I couldn’t drown What would happen if I putover deliberately, I looked beneath the surface It didn’t hurt h the water Moreover, I could see everything clearly, the bottorowths At first, restrained by habit, I heldon

Instead, my nose and mouth were bathed by a delicious coolness I opened my oratingonto my back, I closedto think about the tiether Every summer--especially on Sundays--we’d enjoy "family days" as Ian used to call them

We had a slide and Ann and the children loved to co into the water I sht as she shot down the curving decline, holding her nose, her legs and body arcing out into space, landing in the water with an enor volleyball net and played long ga each other Then Ann would bring out dishes of fruit and cheese and a pitcher of juice and we’d sit and talk, then, after a while, play volleyball and slide again, dive and swiht the charcoal in

the barbecue and grill chicken or ha and lovely afternoons and I remembered them with joy I recalled that Ann had been unable to swi time after ere married She was afraid of the water but, finally, braved enough swiet herself started

I remembered the time she and I were in the Deauville Club in Santa Monica; we’d been members for a while It was Sunday afternoon and ere in the base

It had been a terribleto do withnment in Germany and been more upset than I should have been Financial insecurity had always been a dread to , the depression years Anyway, I overreacted and Ann overreacted, telling ht to discuss the details of our separation It seeht vividly: so and eating dinner, both getting indigestion as we calmly sifted over the particulars of our divorce Item: would we keep the house in Woodland Hills? Iteo on Even as I trans

We came so close; within a hair’s breadth Or so it seemed Maybe it had never been that close It seemed inevitable at the time however Until the penultimate moment The moment past the cal clothes and driving off, leaving Ann behind Then it collapsed Literally, it was inconceivable to us; as though, by divorcing, ould voluntarily permit ourselves to be torn in half

So this day at the Deauville was the first day after we had reconciled

The pool seemed enormous because, except for us, it was unoccupied Ann started across the width of it near the deep end She’d done it several tied her when she’dher--no doubt ten tiht ordinarily have done because of our reconciliation

Now she was trying it again

She was halfway across when she sed some water and started to choke and flounder I ith her and grabbed her quickly I had flippers attached tohard, was able to keep us both afloat

I felt her arht around my neck and saw the expression of fear on her face "It’s all right, honey," I said "I have you" I was glad I had the flippers or I couldn’t have supported her