Page 11 (1/2)

"AMEN TO THAT," I said "I’ve seen rim when I said it for Albert’s expression beca to learn, I know," he said, "that every thought we have takes on a forh the sa?"

He nodded "Everyone does"

"Your life flashed before you?" I asked "Fro?’’

"Not as rapidly as yours did because I died of a lingering illness," he answered "And yours was not as quick as that of, say, a drowning man His removal from life would be so rapid that his subconscious memory would flood out its contents in a few seconds-- every impression in his mind released almost simultaneously"

"What about the second time it happened?" I asked "The first time wasn’t bad; I just observed The second time, I relived each moment"

"Only in your mind," he said "You didn’t actually relive theh I did"

"Yes, it seereed

"And painful"

"More so than it did originally," he said, "because you had no physical body to dull the pain of your re-experienced life It’s a time when ing"

I’d been looking at the ceiling as he spoke At his final words, I turned to face hiatory?"

"In essence" He nodded "A period during which each soul is cleansed by a self- inition of past deeds--and misdeeds"

"Self iment then?"

"What condemnation could possibly be er possible?" he asked

I turned my face away from him and looked out at the countryside Its beauty sees all theAnn "Is anyone ever happy hat they reexperience?" I asked

"I doubt it," he said "No matter who they are, I’m sure they all find fault in thean to stroke Katie’s head If it hadn’t been for my memories, it would have been a lovely moment: the beautiful house, the exquisite landscape, Albert sitting across froers

There were the h

"If only I’d done more for Ann," I said "For my children, my family, my friends"

"That’s true of almost everyone, Chris," he said "We all could have done more"

"And now it’s too late"

"It isn’t quite that bad," he said "Part of what you’re feeling is a sense of incoet to appraise your life as fully as you should have"

I looked at hiain "I’rief and your concern for her kept you fro "Take co, Chris It means you really are concerned about her welfare If you weren’t, you wouldn’t feel as you do"

"I wish I could do so about it," I told him

Albert stood "We’ll talk about it later," he said "Sleep now--and, until you knohat you want to do, plan on staying here with me There’s plenty of room and you’re more than welcome"

I thanked hi now," he said "Katie will keep you company Think of me when you wake and I’ll be here"

Without another word, he turned and walked froh Albert, I thought Cousin Buddy Dead since 1940 Heart attack Living in this house I couldn’t seehon the floor beside the sofa "Kate, old Kate," I said Her tail thu tears that afternoon we’d left her at the vet’s Now here she was, alive, looking at hed and looked around the roo the French Provincial roo held captive by soht I noticed, then, there was no mirror in the room and realized that I had not seen a ht, aain How did one locate the separating line between i it or was the light in the roo more subdued?

Ann and I were in Sequoia National Forest Hand in hand, we ers linked withof our shoes across the carpet of dry needles on the ground, smell the warm, aromatic odor of the tree bark We didn’t speak We walked side by side, surrounded by the beauty of nature, taking a stroll before dinner

We’d walked about twenty minutes before we reached a fallen tree and sat on it Ann released a weary sigh I put an arainst me "Tired?" I asked "A little" She smiled "I’ll be fine" It had been a strenuous if pleasant experience for us We’d pulled a rental trailer up the steep hill to Sequoia, our Ra twice We’d set up a tent with six cots inside, stored all our supplies in a wooden chest so the bears couldn’t get them We had a Coleman lantern but not a stove so had to round Most difficult, we had to heat washing water once each day for lan’s diapers; he was only one and a half at the time The ca on lines in all directions

"We’d better not leave the," Ann said after we’d rested a while The woman in the campsite next to us had offered to keep an eye on the children but we didn’t want to over-do the imposition since Louise, the oldest, was only 9, Richard 6 1/2, Marie not quite 4, and even our "watch dog," Katie, less than a year old

"We’ll go back soon," I said I kissed her slightly damp temple and squeezed her "Just rest a few more minutes" I smiled at her "It’s pretty here, isn’t it?"

"Beautiful" She nodded "I sleep here better than at home"

"I know you do" Ann’s nervous breakdown had come two years earlier; she’d been in analysis a year and a half now This was the first major trip we’d made since her breakdown; at the insistence of her analyst "How’s your sto?" I asked

"Oh, it’s--better" She answered unconvincingly She’d had stomach problems ever since I’d met her; how incredibly unaware I’d been not to realize itserious Since her breakdown, the condition had improved but still disturbed her As her analyst had told her: the deeper buried the distress, the further into the body it went The digestive systeo to hide

"Maybe we can buy a caested it thatmeals a lot easier Make the whole experience easier"

"I know, but they’re so expensive," she said "And I’for television," I told her

She squeezed my hand "I know you will" She lifted the hand to her lips and kissed it "The tent is fine," she said "I don’t hed and looked up at the redwood foliage high above, bars of sunlight slanting through it "I could stay here forever," she er," I said

"I wanted to be one," she told irl"

"Did you?" The idea er Annie"

"It seemed like a wonderful way to escape," she said

Poor love I held her tightly against myself She’d had so much to escape from too

"Well" She stood "We’d better"The path curves around, we don’t have to go back the sao then"

We started to walk again "Are you glad you came?" she asked

"Yeah; it’s beautiful here," I said I’d been dubious about taking four young children ca as a child so I had nothing to judge by "I think

it’s working out great," I said I didn’t know it then but Ann’s desire to ca new at a time of such mental stress-- was to open up a world of lovely experience not only foron, we reached a spot where the path divided At the head of the right path was a sign that warned hikers not to go that way