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I LEANED BACK, MY HANDS TREMBLING ON MY LAP

"I guess you’re wondering why I asked," I said, trying to keep the excitehtened of raph in one of the cupboards over at the house," I said, "and I was just wondering if it was our previous tenant"

"Ok"I think she believed me At any rate, the aura of suspiciousness see to talk about the neighbourhood in general terot up, Elizabeth asked about her coood lord," I said, "do we still have it?"

She sht now"

"Oh, no, I can-"

"No, by God, I’ht now," I said

"You’ve waited long enough" I opened the door "I’ll be right back"

"All right then"

As the door closed behind me, all the excitement flooded out; my fists clamped shut, breath shook in me It was Helen Driscoll! Thatjust as exciting to me; that Helen Driscoll still wanted to be in that house and that, fro that desire so strongly that I was actually seeing her in the living room I wished that Anne were back so I could tell her; so she could see what it was and stop worrying about er resented her attitude; it was natural under the circumstances But those circuined For a few ht not believe me Then I realized that she must Elizabeth was my witness I’d never seen Helen Driscoll in ht

I was thinking about that as I came into the kitchen The comb was on thesill over the sink I walked over and picked it up

"Uh!"

My cry was short and breathless; the cry of aalive when he least expects it

For, as ed tingle in ers; as if I’d touched an open wire I’d recoiled and the co, staring down dumbly at the comb I don’t knohat expression I had on my face but it must have been one of awed stupefaction Stupefied was how I felt; and awed by dread that had been too quick to identify, yet too powerful to ers as if the co at it, all thoughts of Helen Driscoll vanished A new ele away but itself

I stood there about twoover itself in an atteine co a corner and finding yourself confronted by a seven-headed dragon Iine your attempt to rationalize, to adjust, even to understand basically what it was you were looking at and realize at the sa to work on an ordinary

There are no established channels of acceptance in the mind for a sudden appearance of the bizarre Which hy I stared and couldn’t move; why I reached down to touch the comb at least a dozen times, then didn’t touch Why ot a knife out of the cupboard drawer and reached down into the sink I nudged the co I squinted at the comb and couldn’t understand Then I put down the knife and picked up the coain

It was not so violent this time but it was still there As I stood, stricken with helpless alarm, the room seemed to blacken and a coldness pressed at me

Death The concept was unain and stood there shivering, looking down at it as it lay on the linoleu Once again I was terribly aware of the uncertainty, the uncontrollability ofit I recalled the experi least expects it-usually as it is bending over its bowl to eat-they strike a great pipe and the high, vibrating tones unnerve the dog By the tionehulk of its for

I felt this noith the terrible added di I knew that, every once in a while, when I was not prepared for it, when I was e h, I too could be reduced to a pitiful creature of twitchings and apprehensions

In a while, I put the comb in an envelope and took it back to Elizabeth It wasn’t until I came into the kitchen and handed it to her that the awful connection occurred to me When the word Death had branded itself so unmistakably on ony

My exultation at having discovered who the wo roo else to happen That it didn’t helped not at all It isn’t the shocks which can undo a

By late afternoon, I was nerve racked A child’s shout in the street o spastic The sound of a car horn asp The rattle of a breeze-stirred blind made me turn my head so quickly that needles of pain exploded inabout five, the cup of coffee I was drinking jerked out of h endoith sudden life and rolled across the living roo, and answered the phone It was Anne She toldback to her father’s house now to see soht I said fine

"Are you all right?" she asked

"Yes," I said, "I’ave up coffee and started on beer, hoping to relax the rubber-band tautness of ht as I picked up the pieces of broken cup and wiped up the coffee She was right; I should go see Alan Porter I probably will, too, I thought Soh, it occurred to me, how could he help? I knew by then that I wasn’t insane but undirectedly receptive What could he do to ameliorate that? I was a wireless set open to all bands, one No sure hand rested on the knobs, no observing eye sahenin and warned me ahead of ti

As aAlan’s hoht, he can’t do anything He deals with mental aberration This is not what he deals with For some reason-whether it was the weather orAs it started to get dark, I put on a sweater but it did no good Finally I decided to light a fire I got sorate, then cut off enough shavings to ignite theuess, when I lit the fire Outside, it was just getting dark, the sun-reddened clouds beginning to purple in the sky

I sat on the sofa, staring at the low fla about Elizabeth I tried to tell ination, but that sort of defence was no longer of any use I kneasn’t is had come true for me to doubt I was afraid of this rude, misshapen power in me but I couldn’t refute its existence

But Elizabeth poor, quiet Elizabeth How could I just sit here thinking what I did? I knew then the curse of the prophet, the agony of the seen How, I thought, could so that he knew, step by awful step, the centuries ahead?

But how could she die? I wondered that

The answer came almost simultaneous with the question In childbirth She was thin, with a narrow pelvis And she’d never had a child For all I knew, there was a history of unsuccessful pregnancies in her fa about it What was it Anne had said? All she wants is a baby It was so terribly true It hat kept her going I was sure of that It hat made her able to stand all of Frank’s cruel abuses; his tantru never known her child

I sat in that selatinous haze of tears, crying for Elizabeth and for myself because we both needed help and there was no one to help Then, as I sat there, the fire began to fade and the roos I knelt before the fireplace and pulled the drawstrings for the chain screen It whispered apart and I reached for the poker

Again!

This tiony that tore back my lips The poker flew fro

"No!" I reed with fury and horror I wanted to crawl into a shell and be rid of the world which was a forest of traps Everywhere I turned there wasI touched could be i time before I could even stand I huddled close to the floor,endlessly, a foa as if I were going to throw up Even that would have been a relieving completion As it was there was only time stopped and me frozen with it, alone and helpless and sick

Finally, after hours, it seeled shakily to my feet and lurched to the sofa I fell down on it and turned on one laone out I stared at it a moment, then my eyes moved, as if drawn, to the poker It was made of iron, painted black A le There was a coil-like handle on it And that was all it was-a simple, functional object, without menace to the eye Yet, to htain than I could have flown I was in the kitchen when Anne got home

I’d been there for two hours, afraid to enter the living rooh I’d turned on every la fixedly at the salea froasped involuntarily,up I must have looked terrified Unfortunately, she saw that expression before it was replaced by one of welcome She felt too, I’m certain, the tremble of me as I put my arms around her and kissed her

"Hello, sweetheart," she said, gently

"I’avebreath and sestured toward the door with her head

"Asleep in the back seat," she said "I didn’t want to lift him My condition, you know"

"Of course" I sht"

I was alet away from her eyes I went outside and opened the back door of the Ford Richard arm and pink-cheeked, only his face visible under the blanket For aa rush of love for hihed and his small hand stirred on the blanket

"Oh, God, I love you, baby," I re a final look at his adored son

As I went back into the house, carrying hi near the fireplace, the poker in her hands She looked up at me Her s to sound casual