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THERE WAS NO DREAM THAT NIGHT

It wasn’t needed; Anne and I both knew that what Phil had started was still veryRichard was still asleep He’d woken up the night before e’d taken off his paja with hi up for the lost sleep now Anne and I sat drinking coffee in the kitchen before I went to work

"Are you going to a doctor now?" she asked

"Why?"

I sa she atte so you want?" she finally asked

"It’s not as if I asked for it," I said

"That’s not the point," she said

"Well" I stirred my coffee idly "It’s also not as if I were sick You adht"

She hesitated Then she said, "Yes, I adh"

"The rest?"

"You knohat Iat my skull, the queasy unsettledness in my stos unknohich ht, I know," I said "I still can’t believe it’s a-a har my mind?" she asked "You already have, a little What if it becomes wholesale?"

"I don’t-"

"Hoould you like it if you were- exposed toto-to probe at you You know that The few little things I’ve picked up were inconsequential"

"Like last night?" she asked

"We’re talking about you, honey," I said

"All right," she said and I sensed that she was al

"All right But if you can pick up those other things you can pick up what I think too" I tried to joke but it was a mistake

"What’s theto hide? Maybe a-"

"Everyone has so to hide!" she burst out "And if they couldn’t hide it, the world would be in a lot worse mess than it is"

At first I felt only stunned I stared at her, taking the fallible course of wondering if there was so hidden behind her words Then I knew that there wasn’t, that she was right Everyone has to have a secret place in his ht," I said, "you’re right But I think I’d have to concentrate before I could-read your s?" she challenged

"They were different They were feelings, not-"

"Won’t you ad?" she asked

"Honey, this-pohatever it is, ht I’m not anxious to kick it aside just like that"

"You’d rather torment me with it, is that it!"

"Torment you?"

She looked into her coffee and I could tell from the taut, fitful way in which she breathed how upset she was I knew in other ways too

"All right," she said "All right"

"Oh couilty for this thing Is it my fault? It was your idiot brother who started it off"

I’dof the male-that it should be a sort of joke It didn’t come out that way Certainly she didn’t take it that way

She pretended not to take it at all "Then you’re not going to a doctor?"

"What in God’s nary at ot up and put her cup and saucer in the sink She stood looking out thebleakly He is sick I knew that hat she was thinking

"I’ the final word so she’d think I was just repeating ht

She turned to face ht," she said, "when you wake up shuddering" As I drove up to the house late that afternoon I saw Elsie watering her lawn She earing tight yellow shorts and a yelloeater several sizes too s down her sprinkler on the srass between our driveways She straightened up, put her hands on her hips and took a deep, calculating breath Her sweater, had it been wood, would have creaked

"There," she said "That should do it"

"Without a doubt," I said, nodding, and pulled up the garage door Already I felt that trickling of intrusion in ether and turned back to the car

"Hey, what happened last night?" Elsie asked "I called Dorothy today and her father said she’s not baby-sitting anymore What’d you do-hypnotize her?" A twisted thread of thought froined I’d done I felthappened"

"Oh?" She sounded disappointed

I got into the car and drove it into the garage As I got out and sla out there, hands still pressed to her hips, shoulders designedly back, waiting I started to walk toward the back garage door, then realized that would be too overt a rebuff and, with a sigh, I went back out the front way and reached up to lower the overhead door

"I’ht," Elsie said "Why don’t you and Anne drop by? Might be fun"

"We’d like to, Elsie," I said, "but we’re having dinner at herdrive" Anne’s mother lived in Santa Barbara

"I know," I said,such a poor lie The door banged down "We don’t see her very often, though" Oh, well, I thought, we can always eat out and go to a drive-inhands over her shorts

"You sure you didn’t hypnotize Dorothy and tell her not to sit for me anymore?" she asked There was a mince to her voice too; the kind she had in her walk

"No, that’s Phil’s depart away "Say hello to Ron for ht"

She didn’t answer Sheconversation There was no help for that I just couldn’t take much exposure to herout of the kitchen "Daddy!" he cried As I swept my son into my arhtened his small arms around my neck Inchoate, wordless affection seemed to pour intoof trust and need and unquestioning devotion Sometimes I think the whole experience-with all its hideous points-orth it for that brief moment

"Hello, baby," I murmured "How are you?"

"Hi," he said "How you?"

I pressed ainst his warm neck Then Anne came out of the kitchen and the sensation dwindled I walked over to her and kissed her It wasn’t returned

"Hello," I said

"Hello, Tom," she answered, quietly That sense of withdraas still in her I kissed her again and put my arm around her She tried to smile but it was strained