Page 16 (1/2)

"I&039;m sorry, I&039;oczy "Comte, I am so, so sorry" She clutched her pillow and held it close to her, the bedclothes in disruption around him "I want to ReallyI wish I couldI shouldn&039;tI never intended " The light fro the chill fro its illusion of warainst her lips "No, Hero, it is I who should apologize to you It is too soon still"

"It isn&039;t," she said, shaking her head in self-condemnation "Or it shouldn&039;t be I shouldn&039;t make youYou have been reasonable and patient and understanding I couldn&039;t ask for more kindness, not from anyone I don&039;t knohy I should be this way, and to you, of all men" Had Fridhold lived, she would not have expected such syiven her She touched his hand tentatively, then released it, as if even so little connection as this was unbearable

"I am sorry that you have had to suffer your loss with so natia, of Demetrice, of Acana Tupac, of Xenya, each with her own unquenchable grief, and he did his best to convey his concern "You are trying to hold your sorrow at a distance while you wait to see your sons"

"I should be with them, no matter what my father-in-law permits; he could hardly turn me away if I should travel to Scharffensee I should have insisted as soon as we returned froo there, but I didn&039;t know the rains would cohtened her back and interrupted her weeping "In the spring, I will not be put off: he will receive me whether he will or no I will see ht to be withcame over her; she pummeled her fists into her pillow as if she wanted to strike her own body "I don&039;t knohat&039;s wrong withno effort to stop her

"I should hter is dead," she exclaimed as she threw the pillow across the room "She died without me to care for her"

"She did, and that is lamentable, but you could not have known she would die"

"Fridhold&039;s father waited so long to tellThat is how the Graf has been since Fridhold died He didn&039;t want me to know about Annamaria He doesn&039;t want to tell me about any of theet that you are part of your children&039;s lives," said Ragoczy, striving to keep his remarks as neutral as possible, so that Hero would not feel she had to defend von Scharffensee for the sake of her children and her dead husband

"Their lives and Annamaria&039;s death," Hero interjected

"He believes he knows best, asin his trust, largely because he deeoczy remarked "He fears you will influence your children-and he is correct: you will"

"My father-in-law doesn&039;t care about them, not really He thinks only to supervise thean to weep in earnest, her expression filled with chagrin

"He, too, lost a child," said Ragoczy

"But Fridhold was grown, not eight years old" She tre for her aroczy

"Whatever the case, it offered hi at her upper arers "If he has no compassion for me, well, that is his way But he has none for my children, and that worries me"

"Understandably"

"He thinks of me as a rival," she said suddenly, "and he a jilted suitor He blaoczy was still appalled at the apparent unconcern von Scharffensee had shoard Hero, and found this explanation as reasonable as any "I wish I could ease your hurt"

"You mean you wish you could drink my blood, don&039;t you?" she countered, and clapped both her hands over herstricken eyes upon him, offended by her own temerity

"Yes," he said quietly and cal and it would provide the inti to allow me to touch you in more than your flesh"

"I shouldn&039;t have said that," she whispered

"Possibly not," he agreed without condemnation "But there is truth in it"

She shook her head "I didn&039;t mean it, Comte I didn&039;t ," he said as he took her hand in his, holding it palm up "You said it to drive me away, for just now intimacy is more than you can bear"

"II suppose so," she confessed, her eyes welling with tears "But I don&039;t want that, not really"

A thousand years ago he e in that ade: what it gained in the moment, it lost over time He sat on her bed while she wrestled with her emotions, then, as she looked at him directly, he said, "But you aren&039;t ready to make love yet, either; to you it feels like a betrayal of your child You thought you were ready, and you miss my companionship, but now that you , too raw"

She nodded twice "You do understand"

"In aze, she pushed back from him, and to add to her remoteness, she asked, "How is that? How can sonized her ploy as an attempt to distract him, but answered her, his voice low and steady "It is nearly four thousand years since I came into ood-bye, and every one of those losses left its rief, but sorrow and I are old companions" He touched her arht our closeness When only our skins touch, there is little to bind us together"

"But skin is the best we have," she said ently as he could, his dark, penetrating eyes on her "I a to wait"

"Until I arandchildren?" She cla at all

"If that is required," he said "Time is more inexorable for you than for me"

"Because I as e," he said, unflustered "Age takes a toll on the passions asto nore what he revealed in his eyes "That is intended to cheer ht it would reassure you, so you will understand-"

"That you are patient?" she challenged "Or is it easier to wait for a willing woman than have to search out another one?"

He re her tempestuous emotion worry at her "You must not despair, Hero You are not condemned to a lifetime of dejection and loneliness, much as you are convinced it is so now Loss is alith us, but so is restoration"

"No? Can you be sure of that?" She pulled her night-rail htly around her "You have never lost a child"

"I know you cherished hopes for your daughter, and all of theoing to be a freezing night tonight"

"And you, with your cool skin, will you keep me warm? Or is it I who should keep you warm?" As she heard herself speak, she was almost overcome with mortification that she should be so unpardonably caustic She tried to think of so iize" That seeain "I don&039;t knohat&039;s come over me I never intended "

"But you do, you know: you intend to cut yourself off from all pleasure and succor because you dee of either" He said this softly but he held her attention "You want to inflict pain on yourself"

She fixed her eyes on hiuish? I deserve it"

"Do you think so?" He shook his head slowly "No, Hero, you need not flagellate yourself hips or recrie done as easily as I es are very hard" He gave her a moment to speak; she remained silent "But time will separate you from those you miss more than distance Each day , alive with the recollection of those he had lost

She studied hi for any trace of duplicity Finally she clasped her hands in her lap and stared down at them "Would you like me to leave?"

"Leave? No, certainly not," he said, aware that her despair was once again threatening to overcome her

"Then what? You can&039;t want to continue in this way, can you?"

"No, I would rather not have to carry on with soupon us" He sown "But I see no reason to cut our dealings short in hoe to your self-condemnation"

Her face went pale "What do you mean?"

He rose from the bed and paced her bedchamber in a measured, deliberate tread "If you believe you must immolate yourself on the altar of family sorrow, you show neither your sorrow nor your faony in order to keep your daughter with you, made real by the pain of her death You are convinced that if you set the agony aside, you will lose the hter But that approach, if continued, will turn thealways painful, and she deserves better than that, as do you Let her go, Hero, let her go; for you cannot keep her with you, and let all your thoughts of her be joyous ones, as they can be, in tiave his whole attention to her; his voice became more musical and his de, perhaps I would not be moved by your affliction; but we have a Blood Bond that will continue until the True Death claiuish in this way What you endure is hard enough without increasing the wretchedness you want to put behind you"

"Is that what I a?" She had no part of softness in her question "You have decided how I a you how I have learned to deal with centuries of losses"

She looked past him at a picture of a narrow stretch of river over which a broken stone bridge rising out of the current stretched unsuccessfully toward high banks; at present it appeared to be a reflection of her state of ain, my father-in-law He will send my boys away, or tell me it is inconvenient to visit, or plan another journey for thehed once "You and I will yet visit Scharffensee, or whatever place he has taken your sons"

"You will do so much for me?" She sounded more tired than annoyed "Why would you do this? I haven&039;t done anything to ain with those I love, particularly not about what you need" He went to put another s on in the fireplace "There is no reason to keep the room so icy Let your body be warmed, by the fire if not by ht"

"I should let it chill h" She leaned back against the satin-covered bolster,the roouest"

He watched as the log began to smoke as the low flames curled up around it "I do not wish to impose upon you, but I would not want you to becohter?"

"It is one possibility, and one I have seen before" He touched his fingertips together

"You hed a bit wildly "I would be with her and Fridhold then, wouldn&039;t I? And my father-in-laould not have to deal with h price to pay for very little satisfaction" He drew up a chair to the side of her bed, and sat down, facing Hero across the silk of her comforter "You may wish to make yourself free of the complications that haveis not the way You hope to be with your husband and daughter, but you forget your sons, ill need you as they grow older"

"They have their grandfather," she said

"Who is what? sixty years old? How er will he live? And ill happen to your boys then? They have already lost their father and their sister If they lose their mother as well, think of how abandoned they will be when their grandfather dies"

"He will provide for them"

"Money and lands, yes they are all very well, but that will not be what they seek aze with his own "Itto trust to the next world rather than this one, but-"

"How can you say that to me?" she demanded "I have wanted to have my children with me, but my father-in-law has prevented it"