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I DIDN’T GET VERY FAR BEFORE DRIVING BECAME IMPOSsible

When I couldn’t see anyh shoulder and rolled slowly to a stop I sluht in Jacob’s rooht - the force of it took ht to hide this from Jacob No one should ever see this

But I wasn’t alone for very long - just exactly long enough for Alice to see me here, and then the few minutes it took him to arrive The door creaked open, and he pulled me into his arms

At first it orse Because there was that srier everyat the rest of me - that craved a different set of aruilt to season the pain

He didn’t say anything, he just let an to blubber out Charlie’s nao hoed to convey, after several atteet any better anytih for hietting close toone arht for control It seeive up Just a few seconds, I told myself Just time for a few excuses, or a few lies, and then I could break down again I had to be able to do thatdesperately for a reserve of strength

There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs - hold them back but not end them The tears didn’t slow I couldn’t seein to ith those

"Wait for me upstairs," I ed one

Once inside, I headed straight for the stairs

"Bella?" Charlie called after me from his usual place on the sofa as I walked by

I turned to look at hied wide, and he lurched to his feet

"What happened? Is Jacob?" he de to find my voice "He’s fine, he’s fine," I promised, my voice low and husky And Jacob was fine, physically, which is all Charlie orried about at the rabbed my shoulders, his eyes still anxious and wide "What happened to you?"

I , Dad Ijust had to talk to Jacob aboutsos that were hard I’m fine"

The anxiety calmed, and was replaced by disapproval

"Was this really the best time?" he asked

"Probably not, Dad, but I didn’t have any alternatives - it just got to the point where I had to chooseSometimes, there isn’t any way to compromise"

He shook his head slowly "How did he handle it?"

I didn’t answer

He looked at my face for a h

"I hope you didn’t mess up his recovery"

"He’s a quick healer," I

"I’ll be inout froreed He could probably see the orks starting to escalate Nothing scared Charlie worse than tears

I

Once inside, I fought with the clasp on ers

"No, Bella," Edhispered, capturing my hands "It’s part of who you are"

He pulled ain

This longest of days seemed to stretch on and on and on I wondered if it would ever end

But, though the night dragged relentlessly, it was not the worst night of my life I took coreat deal of comfort in that, too

Charlie’s fear of eh I was not quiet - he probably got no ht seeht I could see every mistake I’d s and the big things Each pain I’d caused Jacob, each wound I’d given Edward, stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny

And I realized that I’d been wrong all along about the nets It had not been Edward and Jacob that I’d been trying to force together, it was the two parts of myself, Edward’s Bella and Jacob’s Bella But they could not exist together, and I never should have tried

I’d done so ht, I re - that I would never make Edward see ht on a round of hysteria which frightened EdwardBut it passed, too, when it had run its course Edward said little; he just heldit with salt water It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of h, and I was eventually exhausted enough to sleep Unconsciousness did not bring full relief fro ease, like medicine Made it more bearable But it was still there; I are of it, even asleep, and that helpedbrought with it, if not a brighter outlook, as least a measure of control, some acceptance

Instinctively, I knew that the new tear into be a part of me now Time would make it easier - that’s what everyone always said But I didn’t care if tiet better Could be happy again

When I woke up, there was no disorientation I opened aze

"Hey," I said My voice was hoarse I clearedfor it to start

"No, I’ain"

His eyes tightened at my words

"I’m sorry that you had to see that," I said "That wasn’t fair to you"

He put his hands on either side of ht choice? I’ve never seen you in so much pain -" His voice broke on the last word

But I had knoorse pain

I touched his lips "Yes"

"I don’t know" His brow creased "If it hurts you sofor you?"

"Edward, I knoho I can’t live without"

"But"

I shook h or strong enough to live without me, if that’s what’s best But I could never be that self-sacrificing I have to be with you It’s the only way I can live"

He still looked dubious I should never have let hiht But I had needed him soover his shoulder

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion, but he gave it to ain?" he asked

"I just wanted to find this one part I reh the book, finding the page I wanted easily The corner was dog-eared from the many times I’d stopped here "Cathy’s a ht," I muttered I read the lines quietly, mostly to myself "’If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and ifall else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a ain to myself "I know exactly what she means And I knoho I can’t live without"

Edward took the book from ht thud on my desk He wrapped his arms around h worry still lined his forehead "Heathcliff had his et it word perfect He pulled me closer and whispered inmy ear, "’I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!’"

"Yes," I said quietly "That’s my point"

"Bella, I can’t stand for you to be miserable Maybe"

"No, Edward I’veto have to live with that But I knohat I want and what I needand what I’ to do now?"

I shed "We are going to go see Alice"

Alice was on the bottom porch step, too hyper to wait for us inside She looked about to break into a celebration dance, so excited was she about the news she kneas there to deliver

"Thank you, Bella!" she sang as we got out of the truck

"Hold it, Alice," I warned her, lifting a hand up to halt her glee "I’ve got a few limitations for you"

"I know, I know, I know I only have until August thirteenth at the latest, you have veto power on the guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, you’ll never speak to ain"

"Oh, okay Well, yeah You know the rules, then"

"Don’t worry, Bella, it will be perfect Do you want to see your dress?"

I had to take a few deep breaths Whatever makes her happy, I said to

"U the casual, unruffled tone in et me a dress?"

It probably wasn’t much of a shoard squeezedfor the stairs "These things take time, Bella," Alice explained Her tone seeoing to turn out this way, but there was a distinct possibility"

"When?" I asked again

"Perrine Bruyere has a waiting list, you know," she said, defensive now "Fabric ht ahead, you’d be wearing so to get a straight answer "Per - who?"

"He’s not a ner, Bella, so there’s no need to throw a hissy fit He’s got proh, and he specializes in what I needed"

"I’ a fit"

"No, you’re not" She eyed my calm face suspiciously Then, as alked into her room, she turned on Edward

"You - out"

"Why?" I deroaned "You know the rules He’s not supposed to see the dress till the day of"

I took another deep breath "It doesn’t matter to me And you know he’s already seen it in your head But if that’s how you want it"

She shoved Edward back out the door He didn’t even look at her - his eyes were onh to reassure hiht!" she rabbed er than edhad a rack all to itself

She unzipped the bag in one sweeping er She took a step back, holding her hand out to the dress like she was a game show hostess