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September 26

Dear Diary,

I’, and I can’t really explain why I haven’t written-except that there are so htened to talk about, even to you

First, thehappened The day that Bonnie and Meredith and I were at the cemetery, an old man was attacked there, and almost killed The police still haven’t found the person who did it People think the oldabout "eyes in the dark" and oak trees and things But I reht, and I wonder It scares me

Everyone was scared for a while, and all the kids had to stay inside after dark or go out in groups But it’s been about three weeks now, and nodown Aunt Judith says it rant that did it Tyler Sht have done it to hih I would like to see somebody bite himself in the throat

But oes, it’s been going well I’ve gotten severalletters and a bouquet of red roses from "Jean-Claude" (Meredith’s uncle is a florist), and everybody seeotten that I was ever interested in Stefan So my social position’s secure Even Caroline hasn’t beenany trouble

In fact, I don’t knohat Caroline is doing these days, and I don’t care I never see her at lunch or after school anymore; she seems to have draay fro I docare about right now Stefan

Even Bonnie and Meredith don’t realize how important he is to me I’m afraid to tell them; I’m afraid they’ll think I’m crazy At school I wear a mask of calets worse

Aunt Judith has started to worry about h these days, and she’s right I can’t see fun like the Haunted House fund-raiser I can’t concentrate on anything but him And I don’t even understand why

He hasn’t spoken to me since that horrible afternoon But I’ll tell you solanced up and caught hi a few seats apart, and he was turned coFor a , and we just stared at each other -and then he looked away But since then it’s happened twice more, and each time I felt his eyes on me before I saw theination

He isn’t like any boy I’ve ever known

He seeh it’s his own choice He’saround with any of the guys, except maybe Matt Matt’s the only one he talks to He doesn’t hang around with any girls, either, thatIcan see, so ood But it’sother people than they’re avoiding him He disappears in between classes and after football practice, and I’ve never once seen him in the cafeteria He’s never invited anybody to his roo house He never visits the coffee shop after school

So how can I ever get him someplace where he can’t run from me? This is the real probleet stuck in a thunderstorether to conserve body warested thathouse But neither of those ideas is practical,and I’ better

Every day it’s getting worse for hter and tighter If I don’t find so to say "die"

The solution came to her quite suddenly and simply

She felt sorry about Matt; she knew he’d been hurt by the Jean-Claude rumor He’d hardly spoken to her since the story had broken, usually passing her with a quick nod And when she ran into hi, he wouldn’t an She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t true, that she would never have started seeing another boy without telling him first She wanted to tell him that she’d never meant to hurt him, and that she felt terrible now But she didn’t kno to begin Finally, she just blurted out, "I’o in to class

"Elena," he said, and she turned back He was looking at her now, at least, his eyes lingering on her lips, her hair Then he shook his head as if to say the joke was on hiuy for real?" he finally demanded

"No," said Elena immediately and without hesitation "I made him up," she added simply, "to show everybody I wasn’t upset about-" She broke off

"About Stefan I get it" Matt nodded, looking both gri "Look, Elena, thatwas pretty lousy of him But I don’t think he meant it personally He’s that ith everybody-"

"Except you"

"No He talks topersonal He never says anything about his family or what he does outside of school It’s like-like there’s a wall around hih I don’t think he’ll ever let anybody get through that wall Which is a damn shame, because I think that behind it he’s miserable"

Elena pondered this, fascinated by a view of Stefan she’d never considered before He always seemed so controlled, so calm and undisturbed But then, she knew she seemed that way herself to other people Was it possible that underneath he was as confused and unhappy as she was?

It was then that the idea came, and it was ridiculously simple No co down

"Matt," she said, slowly, "don’t you think it would be a good thing if so for Stefan, Ithat could happen to hi him to understand

He stared at her a moment, then shut his eyes briefly and shook his head in disbelief "Elena," he said, "you are incredible You twist people around your little finger, and I don’t think you even know you’re doing it And now you’re going to askto help you aree to do it"

"You’re not duentleman And Ido want to ask you a favor, but only if you think it’s right I don’t want to hurt Stefan, and I don’t want to hurt you"

"Don’t you?"

"No I kno that ain How could she explain what she wanted when she didn’t even understand it herself?

"You only want everybody and everything revolving around Elena Gilbert," he said bitterly "You only want everything you don’t have"

Shocked, she stepped back and looked at hiathered in her eyes

"Don’t," he said "Elena, don’t look like that I’ht, what is it I’-tie him and dump him on your doorstep?"

"No," said Elena, still trying to ed "I only wanted you to get hi Dance next week"

Mart’s expression was odd "You just want hiht I’m pretty sure he’ll be there And, Elena there really isn’t anybody but you I want to take"

"All right," said Elena after a moment "And, well, thank you"

Matt’s expression was still peculiar "Don’t thankover that when he turned away and walked down the hall

"Hold still," said Meredith, giving Elena’s hair a reproving twitch

"I still think," said Bonnie from theseat, "that they were both wonderful"

"Who?" Elena murmured absently

"As if you didn’t know," said Bonnie "Those two guys of yours who pulled off the last-ht that last pass, I thought I was going to faint Or throw up"

"Oh,please ," said Meredith

"And Matt-that boy is simply poetry in motion"

"And neither of them is ers, her hair was becoold And the dress was all right; the iced-violet color brought out the violet in her eyes But even to herself she looked pale and steely, not softly flushed with excite sent to the front lines

Standing on the football field yesterday when her na Queen, there had been only one thought in her mind Hecouldn’t refuse to dance with her If he ca Queen And standing in front of the ht anyone you ill be yours," Bonnie was saying soothingly "And, listen, when you get rid of Matt, can I take him off and comfort hi to think?"

"Oh,you can comforthimBut, really, Elena, I like Matt And once you hoet a little crowded So"

"Oh, do whatever you want Matt deserves so it froht She still couldn’t exactly believe what she was doing to hiuess herself; she needed all her strength and concentration

"There" Meredith put the last pin in Elena’s hair "Now look at us, the Ho Queen and her court-or part of it, anyway We’re beautiful"

"Is that the royal ’we’?" Elena said ly, but it was true They were beautiful Meredith’s dress was a pure sweep of burgundy satin, gathered tight at the waist and pouring into folds fro loose down her back And Bonnie, as she stood up and joined the others in front of theparty favor in pink taffeta and black sequins

As for herself Elena scanned her iain, The dress is all right The only other phrase that carandmother had kept a little jar of thear and frozen

They went downstairs together, as they had for every dance since the seventh grade-except that before, Caroline had always been with them Elena realized with faint surprise that she didn’t even knoho Caroline was going with tonight

Aunt Judith and Robert-soon to be Uncle Robert-were in the living rooirls all look lovely," said Aunt Judith, as fluttery and excited as if she were going to the dance herself She kissed Elena, and Margaret held up her ar

"You’re pretty," she said with four-year-old si at Elena, too He blinked, opened his ain