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Fourteen
Molly
Pine Cove was a decorative town - built for show - only one degree more functional than a Disneyland attraction and decidedly lacking in businesses and services that catered to residents rather than tourists The business district included ten art galleries, five wine-tasting rooift and card shops, and one hardware store The position of hardware clerk in Pine Cove was highly coveted by the town’s retired male population, for nowhere else could a enerally indulge in the arrogant self-i a woman intercede to re the threshold of Pine Cove Hardware and breaking the bea off a testosterone alarm, and if they’d had their way, the clerks would have constructed a device to at-omize the corners with urine every time the bell tolled Or at least that’s the way it see
The clerks, three u to stare, snicker, and make snide comments under their breath about the woman who had entered their do on an aisle display of gopher poison to avoid eye contact Raucous laughter erupted fro supplies
The clerks, Frank, Bert, and Les - all seeable, except that Frank wore a belt to hold up his double knits, while the other two sported suspenders fashioned to look like yellowOh, they’d let her wander around for a while, let her try to coets binned and bubble-wrapped around the store Then she would have to come back to the counter and sub, and he would do his best to drop-kick her ego before finally leading the little lady to the appro-priate product, where he would continue to question her into full humili-ation "Well, is it a sheet hths or seven-sixteenths? Do you have a hex head screwdriver? Well, then, you’ll need one, won’t you? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just call someone to do this for you?" Tears and/or sniffles fronal victory and confirm superior status for the male race
Frank, Bert, and Les watched Molly on the security hed nervously after five minutes passed without her surrender, and tried to look busy when she eallon can of roof-patching tar, a roll of fiberglass fabric, and a long-handled squeegee
Molly stood at the counter, shifting her weight fro set on a rotating stand while concentrating on sucking in their guts Frankco it beep
Molly cleared her throat
Frank looked up as if he’d just noticed she was there "Find everything you need?"
"I think so," Molly said, taking both hands to lift the heavy can of tar onto the counter
"You need solass fabric?" Les said
"And some hardener?" Bert said Frank snickered
"Some what?" Molly said
"You can’t patch a trailer roof with that stuff, miss You live down at the Fly Rod, don’t you?" They all kneho she was and where she lived She was often the subject of hardware store gossip and speculation, even though she’d never set foot in there before today
"I’ to patch a roof"
"Well, you can’t use that on a driveway You need asphalt sealer, and it should be applied with a brush, not a squeegee"
"How much do I owe you?" Molly said
"You should wear a respirator when you ith fiberglass You have one at hoht next to the elves and the gnoht," Frank said "Those fibers get down in your lungs and they could do you a world of harhed at the joke
"I’ve got a respirator out in the truck," Les said "I could coive you a hand with your little project"
"That would be great," Molly said "What time?"
Les balked "Well, I, uuys should co too I could really use the help"
"Oh, I think Les can handle it, can’t you, Les?" Frank said as he hit the total key "That comes to thirty-seven sixty-five with tax"
Molly counted her ht?"
Les sed hard and forced a shtly Then she picked up her supplies and headed for the door
As she broke the doorbell beam, Frank whispered "Crazy slut" under his breath
Molly stopped, turned slowly, and winked
Once she was outside, the clerks h-fives while patting Les on the back It was a hardware store fantasy fulfilled - et to huet her naked as well For so a little randy lately, thinking about sex al to kill me," Les said
"What she don’t knoon’t hurt her," the other two said in unison
Theo
Theo actually felt his stoarden and clipped a handful of sticky buds from his pot plants They weren’t for himself this time, but the reminder of how much this little patch of plants ruled his life made him ill And hoas it that he hadn’t felt the need to fire up his Sneaky Pete for three days? A twenty-year drug habit suddenly ends? No withdrawal, no side effects, no cravings? The freedo It was as if the Weirdness Fairy had landed in his life with a thump, popped him on the head with a rubber chicken, bit him on the shin, then went off to inflict herself on the rest of Pine Cove
He stuffed the , tucked it into his jacket pocket, and climbed into the Volvo for the forty- to have to enter the bowels of the county justice building and face the Spider to find out what he wanted to know The pot was grease for the Spider He would stop by a convenience store on the way down and pick up a bag full of snacks to augant, and downright creepy, but he was a cheap date
Through the safety-glass , Theo could see the Spider sitting in theacross thelow The only other light in the roohts that shone through the darkness like crippled stars Without looking away from his screens, the Spider buzzed Theo in
"Crowe," the Spider said, not looking up
"Lieutenant," Theo said
"CallNailsworth and his official position in the San Juni-pero Sheriff’s Department was chief technical officer He was five-foot-five inches tall, weighed three hundred and thirty pounds, and had taken to wearing a black beret when he perched in his web Early on, Nailsworth had seen that nerds would rule the world, and he had staked out his own little infor happened without the Spider knowing about it He monitored and con-trolled all the infornized what sort of power that afforded, he had made himself indis-pensable to the system He had never arrested a suspect, touched a firearhest-ranking officer on the force
Besides a taste for raw data, the Spider had weaknesses for junk food, Internet porn, and high-quality marijuana The latter was Theo’s key to the Spider’s lair He put the plastic Baggie on the keyboard in front of Nails-worth Still without looking at Theo, the Spider opened the bag and sniffed, pinched a bud between his fingers, then folded the bag up and stuffed it into his shirt pocket
"Nice," he said "What do you need?" He peeled the marshmallow cap off a Hostess Sno Ball, shoved it into his mouth, then threw the cake into a wastebasket at his feet
Theo set the bag of snacks down next to the wastebasket "I need the autopsy report on Bess Leander"
The Nailgun nodded, no easy task for a man with no discernible neck "And?"
Theo wasn’t sure what questions to ask Nailsworth seldoht question It was like talking to a rotund Sphinx "I ondering if you could coht help me find Mikey Plotznik" Theo knew he didn’t have to explain The Spider would know all about theat his feet and pulled out a Twinkie "Let ers flew over the keyboard "You need a printout?"
"That would be nice"
"It doesn’t show you as the investigating officer"
"That’s why I came to you The ME’s office wouldn’t let me see the report"
"Says here cause of death was cardiac arrest due to asphyxiation Suicide"
"Yes, she hung herself"
"I don’t think so"
"I saw the body"
"I know Hanging in the dining rooatureto this Neck wasn’t broken, so she didn’t drop suddenly"
Theo squinted at the screen, trying to make sense of the data "There were heelherself She was depressed, taking Zoloft for it"
"Not according to the toxicology"
"What?"
"They ran the toxicology for antidepressants because you put it on the report, but there was nothing"
"It says suicide right there"
"Yes, it does, but the date doesn’t corroborate the ti herself afterward"
"So she was murdered?"
"You wanted to see the report It says cardiac arrest But ultimately, cardiac arrest is what kills everyone Catch a bullet in the head, get hit by a car, eat some poison The heart tends to stop"
"Eat some poison?"
"Just an example, Crowe It’s not my field If I were you, I’d check and see if she had a history of heart problems"
"You said it wasn’t your field"
"It’s not" The Spider hit a key and a laser printer whirred in the darkness soive you the subscription list for his paper route"
Theo realized that he had gotten all he was going to get on Bess Leander "I have that How about giving me any known baby-rapers in the area?"
"That’s easy" The Spider’s fingers danced over the keyboard "You think the kid was snatched?"
"I don’t know shit," Theo said
The Spider said, "No known pedophiles in Pine Cove You want the whole county?"
"Why not?"
The laser printer whirred and the Spider pointed through the dark at the noise "Everything you want is back there That’s all I can do for you"
"Thanks, Nailgun, I appreciate it" Theo felt a chronic case of the creeps going up his spine He took a step into the dark and found the papers sitting in the tray of the laser printer Then he stepped to the door "You wanna buzz me out?"
The Spider swiveled in his chair and looked at Theo for the first ti out of deep craters
"You still live in that cabin by the Beer Bar Ranch?"
"Yep," Theo said "Eight years now"
"Never been on the ranch, though, have you?"
"No" Theo cringed Could the Spider know about Sheriff Burton’s hold over him?
"Good," the Spider said "Stay out of there And Theo?"
"Yeah?"
"Sheriff Burton has been checking withthat comes out of Pine Cove After the Leander death and the truck blowing up, he got very ju, stay low-key"
Theo was amazed The Spider had actually volunteered information "Why?" was all he could say
"I like the herb you bring me" The Spider patted his shirt pocket
Theo save me the autopsy report?"
"Why would I?" said the Spider
"Take care," Theo said The Spider turned back to his screens and buzzed the door
Molly
Molly wasn’t so sure that life as Pine Cove’s Crazy Lady wasn’t harder than being a Warrior Babe of the Outland Things were pretty clear for a Warrior Babe: you ran around half-naked looking for food and fuel and occasionally kicked the snot out of soe or ruuess whether or not the Sand Pirates ap-proved of your behavior If they approved, they staked you out and tortured you If they didn’t they called you a bitch, then they staked you out and tortured you Theyradioactive cockroaches on you or burn you with hot pokers, they n-release directors’cuts only), but you always knehere you stood with Sand Pirates And they never tittered Molly had had all the tittering she could handle for the day At the pharmacy, they had tittered
Four elderly wo and Gift, while above thelass , Winston Krauss, the dolphin- pharmacist, lorded over them like a rooster over a barnyard full of hens It didn’t seem to e or answer the simplest question, nor that they would retreat to the back rooer than thirty entered the phar like condoms What e and treated hi didn’t bother hi when Molly hit the door and broke titter only when she came to the counter with an entire case of economy-sized Neosporin oint to take Molly’s money "Perhaps we should ask Winston This see the shelves of faux-antidepressants when Molly entered the store He wondered if he should have ordered some faux-antipsychotics as well Val Riordan hadn’t said
"Look," Molly finally said, "I’m nuts You know it, I know it, Winston knows it But in Aet a check froivesnuts, and right now I need this case of ointo be nuts somewhere else Okay?"
The hens huddled and tittered
"Or do I need to buy a case of those huge fluorescent orange prelubricated condoms with the deely-bobbers on the tip and blow theh with Sand Pirates, Molly thought
The hens broke their huddle and looked up in terror
"I hear they’re like thousands of tiny fingers, urging you to let go," Molly added
Between the four of the up Molly’s order and figure her change within the nearest dollar
As Molly was leaving, she turned and said, "In the Outland, you would have all beenblown up had put the Sea Beast in a deep blue funk Soe of a coral reef and lie there in the sand while neon cleaner fish nipped at the parasites and algae on his scales His flanks flashed a truce of color to let the little fish know that they were safe as they darted in and out of his ienists In turn, they ehly to: "I won’t be a minute, sorry to bother you, please don’t eat e fro to his burns, and he flashed the truce of color along his sides to confirm that he understood He couldn’t pick up the intentions of all warmbloods, but this one ired differently He could sense that shehim food He understood that when sheto hi those colors Do you want the neighbors to see? It’s broad daylight"