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23

A FUCKED-UP DAY

It was a fucked-up day in the City by the Bay At first light, flocks of vultures perched on the superstructures of the Golden Gate and Bay Bridges, and glared down at coall to still be alive and driving Traffic copters that were diverted to photograph the ranks of carrion birds ended up covering a spiral cloud of bats that circled the Transamerica pyramid for ten minutes, then seemed to evaporate into a black mist that floated out over the Bay Three swi in the San Francisco Triathlon drowned in the Bay, and a helicopter ca under the water, a dark shape approaching one of the swi him under Numerous replays of the tape revealed that rather than the sleek shape of a shark, the creature had a ingspan and a distinctly horned head, unlike any ray or skate that anyone had ever seen before The ducks in Golden Gate Park suddenly took to the wing and left the area, the hundreds of sea lions that norone as well, and even the pigeons seerunt reporter who had been covering the overnight police blotter noticed the coincidence of seven reports of violence orpersons at local-area secondhand stores, and by early evening the television stations were e of the Book ’e in the Mission And there were hundreds of singular events experienced by individuals: creatures rates, , and a thousand people woke up to find that they no longer cared for the taste of chocolate It was a fucked-up day

Charlie spent the rest of the night fretting and checking locks, then double-checking the on the Internet for clues about the Underworlders, just in case someone posted a brand-new ancient document since he’d last checked He wrote a will, and several letters, which he walked outside and put in themail on the counter of the store Then, around dawn, co at a thousand iven hih the fucked-up day, to be awakened in early evening by a call frohter

"Hello"

"Aunt Cassie is an anti-Se Can we discuss Aunt Cassie’s politics a little later?"

"It is not, it’s six at night It’s bath ti Alvin and Mohammed into the bathroom with me for my bath, because she’s an anti-Semite"

Charlie looked at his watch He was sort of glad that it was six in the evening and he was talking to his daughter Whatever happened while he was sleeping at least hadn’t affected that

"Cassie is not an anti-Semite" It was Jane on the other line

"Is too," said Sophie "Be careful, Daddy, Aunt Jane is an anti-Semite sympathizer"

"I ahter is," said Charlie "I didn’t knoords like anti-See, did you?"

"You can’t trust the goyim, Daddy," said Sophie She lowered her voice to a whisper "They hate baths, the goyioyim, too, baby"

"Oh my God, they’re everywhere, like pod people!" He heard his daughter drop the phone, scream, and then a door slammed

"Sophie, you unlock this door this instant," Cassie said in the background

Jane said, "Charlie, where does she get this stuff? Are you teaching her this?"

"It’s Mrs Korjev - she’s descended frouilt for what her ancestors did to the Jews"

"Oh," Jane said, not interested now that she couldn’t blas in the bathrooet in the tub, and then - "

"Let theo with her, Jane," Charlie interrupted "Theythat can protect her"

"Okay, but I’ them eat the cheap soaps No French-milled soaps"

"They’re fine with doht If so happens to me, I want you to raise Sophie It’s in there"

Jane didn’t answer He could hear her breathing on the other end

"Jane?"

"Sure, sure Of course What the hell is going on with you guys? What’s the big danger Sophie’s in? Why are you being spooky like this? And why didn’t you call earlier, you fucker?"

"I was up all night doing stuff Then I took two of those sleeping pills you gave one"

"You took two? Never take two"

"Yeah, thanks," Charlie said "Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be okay, but if for soet out of the City for a while I mean like up in the Sierras I also sent you a letter explaining everything, ashappens, okay?"

"Nothing better happen, you fuck I just lost Mo like this, Charlie? What kind of trouble are you in?"

"I can’t tell you, Jane You have to trust me that I didn’t have any choice in theexactly what you’re doing, taking care of Sophie, keeping her safe, and keeping the hellhounds with her at all ti better happen to you Cassie and I are going to get ive me away And I want to borrow your tux, too It’s Arive me away?"

"No, no, it’s not that, I’d pay her to take you, it’s not that"

"Then you don’t think that gay people should be allowed to getclean I knew it, after all - "

"I just don’t think that gay people should be allowed to getmy tux"

"Oh," Jane said

"You’ll wear my Armani tux and I’ll have to rent so new and cheap, and then I’ll go through eternity looking like a total dork in the wedding pictures I kno you guys like to shoedding pictures - it’s like a disease"

"By ’you guys,’ youveryattorney

"Yes, Ivery much like a hostile witness

"Oh, okay," Jane said "It is uess I can buy a tux"

"That would be nice," Charlie said

"I’ the pants cut a little looser in the seat these days anyway," Jane said

"Thatta girl"

"So you’ll be safe and give me away"

"I’ll sure try You think Cassandra will let hed "Call me every hour," she said

"I won’t do that"

"Okay, when you can"

"Yeah," Charlie said "Bye" He sht be the last time he would ever do that Smile

Charlie showered, ate a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, and put on a thousand-dollar suit for which he had paid forty bucks He limped around the bedrooood and he could do without the foa cast, so he left it on the floor by the bed He put on a pot of coffee and called Inspector Rivera

"It was a fucked-up day," Rivera said "Charlie, you need to take your daughter and get out of town"

"I can’t do that This is about ht?"

"Pro stupid or heroic?"

"Not in "

Charlie disconnected, having no idea what he was going to do, but feeling like he had to do soht to Sophie

"I just want you to know that I love you very much, honey"

"Me, too, Daddy Why did you call?"

"What, you have aice creao do sos, so I want you to stay with Aunt Jane for a few days, okay?"

"Okay Do you need some help? I’m free"

"No, honey, but thank you"

"Okay, Daddy Alvin is looking at o"

"Love you, honey"

"Love you, Daddy"

"Apologize to Aunt Cassie for calling her an anti-Se up on hiht of his life, his pride and joy, hung up on hihed, but felt better Heartbreak is the natural habitat of the Beta Male

Charlie took a few e of the sword-cane on the back of the electric can opener he and Rachel had received as a wedding present, then he headed out to check on the store

As soon as he opened the door to the back staircase Charlie heard strange ani fro froh he could see plenty of light filtering in from the store Was this it? Sort of solved the proble to do

He drew the sword fro the edge of each step to e Halfway down he saw the source of the ani nearly halfway back up the staircase

"For the love of God!"

"It needed to be done," Lily said She was astraddle Ray Macy, her plaid pleated skirt ( the parts that would have caused Charlie to have to tear his eyes out, which he was thinking about doing anyway

"It did," Ray agreed breathlessly

Charlie peeked down into the back roo Ray like he was aout of the lapel of her chef ’s coat

"He was despondent," she said "I found hireater good, Asher"

"Well, stop it," Charlie said

"No, no, no, no, no," said Ray

"It’s a charity thing," Lily said

"You know, Lily," Charlie said, covering his eyes, "you could exercise your charity in other ways, like Salvation Aruys Most of the alcoholics, and they stink At least Ray is clean"

"I don’tthe bell with the little red kettle Jeez"

"I am clean," said Ray

"You shut up," Charlie said "She’s young enough to be your daughter"

"He was suicidal," Lily said "Ihis life"

"She is," Ray said

"Shut up, Ray," Charlie said "This is pathetic, desperate pity sex, that’s all it is"

"He knows that," Lily said

"I don’tthis for the cause, too," Lily said "Ray was holding out on you"

"I was?" said Ray

"How?" Charlie said

"He found a wo all the soul vessels She ith the clients youto tell you about her"

"I don’t knohat you’re talking about," Ray said Then added, "Faster, please"

"Tell him the address," Lily said

"Lily," Charlie said, "this isn’t really necessary"

"No," Ray said

There was a loud s it, but Ray’s right cheek was bright red and Lily inding up to slap hiain

"Tell hihteenth and Nineteenth, I don’t know the nureen Victorian, you can’t miss it Three Jewels Buddhist Center"

SMACK!

"Ouch, I told hi the address, BITCH!" Lily said Then to Charlie: "There you go, Asher I want a prime position when you take over the Underworld!"

Charlie thought that one of the first things he was going to change when he took over was expanding The Great Big Book of Death to include how to handle situations like this But instead he said, "You got it, Lily You’ll be in charge of dress code and torture"

"Sweet," Lily said "’Scuse me, Asher, I have to finish this" Then to Ray: "Hear that? No runts co from Ray increased in frequency and intensity

"Sure," Charlie said "I’ll just go out the other door"

"See ya," Ray said

"I’ain, okay?"

"Sounds good, Asher," Lily said "Be careful"

Charlie crept back up the steps, went out the front door of his apart his gag reflex the whole way On the street he flagged down a cab and rode into the Mission, trying to wipe the ian had followed the gift souls that had escaped through the drains to a deserted street in the Mission Now they waited, watching the green Victorian building frorates at either end of the street They werebeen daht before

They called theht the souls right to thean’s weakest mohthee at a pipe junction, along ht just what they needed to heal their wounds and replenish their strength: human souls And thus renewed, they were able to scare away that obnoxious little dog The Morrigan were back - not to the strength they’d achieved before the explosion, h to venture Above once again, especially with so ht except the junkies, the hookers, and the homeless After the fucked-up day in the City, most everyone had decided that it was just a better idea to stay in, safer To the Morrigan (for all they cared), they were safer in their homes the same way a tuna fish is safer in a can, but no one knew that yet No one knehat they were hiding froht in front of them as they watched

"It’s New Meat," said Macha

"We should give him a new name," said Babd "I mean, he’s really not that new anymore"

"Hush," hushed Macha

"Hey, lover," Babd called out of her drain "Did you miss me?"

Charlie paid the cabbie and stood in the reen Queen Anne There were lights on in the turret upstairs and in one nstairs He could just n that read THREE JEWELS BUDDHIST CENTER He started to step toward the house and sawA catand he flipped it open

"Charlie, it’s Rivera I have so, the woman from the pawnshop, and she’s still alive She was tied up and thrown in a Dureat," Charlie said But he wasn’t feeling great The things that had beenup the stairs, standing on the porch, lining up and facing him Twenty or thirty of them, a little more than a foot tall, dressed in ornate period costumes Each had the skeletal face of a dead aniers - animals Charlie couldn’t identify, but just the skulls - the eye sockets empty, black Yet they stared

"You won’t believe what she said put her there, Charlie Little creatures, little monsters, she said"

"About fourteen inches tall," Charlie said

"Yeah, how’d you know?"

"Lots of teeth and claws, like ani to a grand costu ," Charlie said He unclipped the latch on his sword-cane

"Hey, lover," came a female voice from behind hi out of the drain almost directly behind him