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Chapter Thirty-one

Being the Chronicles of Abby Normal:

Not Unlike the Toaster, I Control the Darkness

So I slept a little that day, and talked to my sweet love-ninja, Foo, a couple of times on the phone, then he came over and we left Jared with some blood for Lord Flood and the Countess when they awoke, and motored to the loft It took like an hour to clean up all the broken glass and ash and stuff fro theout and whatnot when the alarm went off on the Countess’s watch

And I was like, "Dude, I’m not ready"

And he was all, "Dude, you are more ready than anyone I’ve ever known"

And I was all, "OMG, I ah this"

And then he was all bashful and pretended to be doing so technical so ere ready

Then, like an hour after sundown, I heard the I was at the kitchen counter when the security door downstairs opened, and when I turned around they were just, like there Lord Flood called them the Animals, but now they were kind of the roadkill And I like touched the snap on my UV jacket, just to make sure it was there

So I was all, "Hey, varay one, as like their leader, was all up in rille, like, "We need the money, where is the money?"

And I was like, "Step off, undead-tard There’s no money"

And he was like, "Don’t fuck with us Flood and the redhead took like six hundred grand from my apartment"

And I was all, "Actually, its like five hundred and eighty-three thousand eight hundred and fifty-eight"

And he was all, "Give it!"

And all seven of theain one the Countess had thrashed - like they were going to do the ht button all the time, in case I needed to flash-fry the motherfuckers But I stayed chilly and I was like, "Are you high?"

And he was all, "No, I’ and whatnot, all, "We can’t even take a bong hit We can’t drink a beer Our syste sober sucks We are useless undead stoners"

So I was all, "Step back and behold, bi-atches"

And I’ in a glass with some of the blood from the pouches, just like the ones we left for the Countess and Lord Flood, and they’re all drooling when they see the blood, so I was thinking, Dont’ ray vamp, and he’s all, "Sweet"

And the others are like, "Me,Bloody Marys all around, and the greasy hippyish one is like, "Can we dunk pot cookies in this?"

And I’m like, "Of course, stoner vaoddess And we are not worthy And oh please, may we have some more?" Until they started to drop

So like twopile of passed-out vaot your shit ready"

And Foo coht like he’s going to savekiss and is like, "You rock"

And I’a-haired love toy"

And he was like, "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk - "

And I’m like, "Whateva, studmumn Handle it"

So it took like two hours for Foo to do all hisvariousit back in, but finally he was done and I called Jared to tell hiet Lord Flood and the Countess

So I likewas all in order and whatnot, and Foo was all, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

And I was all, "Foo, theirs is the greatest love of all ti to do"

And he was all, "Okay, as long as you’re sure Because we can do them the same as we did the others"

And I was all, "No, that won’t work They have to be together And you don’t have to live at home anymore We’ll have a completely sweet love lair"

So we did it

Blue watched from the alley across the street as the Animals came out the security door, empty-handed, and stuone herself, but that whole getting-burned-up thing had taught her that perhaps it was better to delegate That they didn’t have her h, but that they didn’t have heroff of theht," she said to herself "I’ain"

"I don’t think so," said a voice froernails in a swipe that would have taken off half a ht her hand He’d found another tracksuit, this one powder blue "It’s tio back in the bottle, I’et my money"

"No, my dear, you don’t want to do that The residents of that loft have recently developed a very unpleasant fashion sense"

"You’re fucking with my income, paleface"

"You don’t need to worry about that any what?"

"It ends here Come with me, my dear"

"You want me to come with you? I don’t even know you"

"Yes, but we share a special relationship"

"Special? You beat my face into the hood of a Mercedes"

"Well, yes Sorry To the innocent my behavior can sometimes be distasteful"

"Yeah? Innocent, I’ve fucked thousands of guys"

"Yes, well, I’ve killed enough to fill a city"

Blue shrugged "Okay, you win"

"Revenge is a dish best served cold anyway, don’t you think?"

"Or not at all," said a male voice behind Elijah

Elijah and Blue turned Three of the like sculptures, looking eternal, like they could wait forever

"Can just anyone sneak up on o, Elijah," said the African woman

"None of you would be here if it weren’t for me," Elijah said

"Yes, and ould have been hunted down and killed a long tio if we hadn’t adhered to your rules"

"Ah,do

"How many left to clean?"

Elijah looked across the street to the loft s, then at Blue She raised an eyebrow, smiled a little

"She’s the only one left" He lied