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Gillian felt triu deeper An emotion she couldn’t describe because

there weren’t any ordinary words for it David was looking at her, and it was alh his dark eyes As if she could see inside his looked to him

What she felt was a little like discovery and a little like deja vu and a little like waking up and suddenly

realizing it’s Christe place, cold and bewildered, and then

suddenly hearing your mother’s voice But it really wasn’t like any of those things; it was nition the shock of belonging

She couldn’t quite put it all together, because

there was nothing like it in her experience She’d never heard of anything like this But she had the feeling

that when David kissed her, she’d figure it all out and it would be the revelation of her life

It was going to happen-now He wasclser to her, not fast, but as if slowly co he couldn’t control Gillian had to look down, but she didn’t h now that she could hear his breath and feel him Her eyes shut of their own accord

She waited to feel the touch of war in her mind stirred A tiny whisper, so far back that she could barely hear it, and she

couldn’t tell where it cah Gillian like ice on bare skin Part of her tried to ignore it, but she was already

pulling away, putting a hand up, turning to stare at the

Not out theIt was too stea outside They were in their own

cocoon of whiteness

Gillian said, "I can’t I mean, not like this I mean-it isn’t fair, because you already-and you haven’tI

mean Tanya"

"I know" David sounded as if he’d been hit with ice on bare skin, or as if he’d co around dazedly "I ht I don’t knohat I was

It just-it was like I forgot Look, I’m sure that sounds stupid You don’t believe me"

"I do believe you" At least he sounded as incoherent as she did He wouldn’t think she was a total fool;

her facade wasn’t broken

"I’ht here, it looks exactly like I am But I’m not I

mean I never-I’m not like Bruce Faber I don’t do that I ht And then a sort of inward screa when you’d remember me)

(He made her a proether a while)

(But that’s terrible!)

(No, it’s adet to school)

(I can’t I can’t think How are we going to-)

(School first)

Dully, Gillian said, "I guess we’d better get "

"Yeah" There was a pause, and then David put the car in gear

They drove in silence, and Gillian sank deeper and deeper into depression She’d thought it would be so

easy-just show David her new self and everything would fall into place But it wasn’t like that He couldn’t

just du plan)

(But what?)

(I’ll tell you when it’s tiot about you?)

(Of course not I’et ot about Tanya for a while? I don’t want to do anything that’s wrong)

(I’m not mad! Heads up You’re there)

Gillian couldn’t push away the feeling that he was

unexpected had happened

But she didn’t have tiather herself and face the

high school

"I guess-I’ll see you later," David said as she reached for the door handle His voice made it a question

"Yeah Later," Gillian said She didn’t have the energy for anythingat the steering wheel

She could see people staring at her as she walked to the school building It was a new sensation and it

gave her a spas at her? Did she look silly, was she walking wrong soel’s voice sounded

aot through halls and up stairs to her US history class withoutjust as the bell rang, she realized she had a proble with all

her notes, was floating soht Amy’s eye and headed toward the back of the classroom

"Can I share your book? My whole backpack went in the creek" She was a little afraid Aht be

miffed or jealous at the way she’d run off with David, but Amy didn’t seem to be either She seemed

more-awed-as if Gillian were soht fear, but that you couldn’t get mad

at

"Sure" Amy waited until Gillian had scooted her desk closer, then whispered, "How coet to school? What were you and David doing?"

Gillian ru up Tanya?"

"Because Tanya was here at school looking for David"

Gillian’s heart flip-flopped She pretended to be very interested in history

But she gradually noticed that so at her Especially the boys It was

the sort of look she’d never i from a boy

But these were all juniors, and none of thee in

Gillian’s next class, biology Half a dozen of the most popular kids would be there David would be

there-and Tanya

Gillian felt, with a sudden chill, that she ht not really care anyht of her if she couldn’t have David? But she had a fundas had to work out-if she just stayed cal, she hurried away fro eyes and into the bathroo to your lipstick It seeel sounded as puzzled as

any huh her hair She was soht of

herself in the irl there wasn’t Gillian at all, but a slender, insubstantial feirl’s hair was silky, the palest of all possible golds Her violet eyes were

subtly shadowed so they lookedHer mouth was soft, red, and full: perfect, like the

ainst the stark black of her clothing, her skin had the slightly

translucent look of apple blossoel: (I mean, I am But I needa Look, don’t you think?

An expression for when people are

staring at htly Amused or Aloof or Cohtful? As if you’ve got your own inner world to pay attention to It’s true, you know

You do)

Gillian was pleased Thoughtful, absorbed in herself, listening to the el’s voice She could do that She settled the canvas bag on her shoulder and started toward her

locker

(Uh, where are you going?) (To get y book I still have that) (No, you don’t)

Gillianthat heads turned as she walked down the hall

(Yes, I do)

(No, you don’t Due to circuy book and all

your notes You need to sit with somebody else and share his)

Gillian blinked (I-oh Oh, yeah, you’re right I lost y lab loo Thoughtful

pinned to her face But she h it and into the quiet buzz that was a class before a

bell was about to ring

(Okay, kid Go up front and tell Mr Wizard you need a new book He’ll take care of the rest)

Gillian did as Angel said As she stood beside Mr Leveret and told her story she sensed a new

quietness in the classroom behind her She didn’t look back and she didn’t raise her voice By the tily face had gone from a startled "Who are you?"

expression (he had to look in the class register to make sure of her naot an extra textbook," he said "And some outlines of my lectures on transparencies But as for

notes-"

He turned to the class at large "Okay, people Jill-uh, Gillian-needs a little help She needs so to share their notes, maybe xerox them-"

Before he could finish his sentence, hands went up all over the roo into focus for Gillian She was standing in front of a classroo at her-that in itself would have been enough to terrify her in the old days And sitting