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I STAYED AT ho; I needed to go back to work But I kept thinking of things I just had to do, or so I told myself I cleaned out Gran’s room Arlene happened to drop by, and I asked her for help, because I just couldn’t be in there alone with s, all so familiar and imbued with her personal odor of Johnson’s baby powder and Ca up to take to the disaster relief agency There’d been tornadoes in northern Arkansas the past few days, and surely so could use all the clothes Gran had been smaller and thinner than I, and besides that her tastes were very different, so I wanted nothing of hers except the jewelry She’d never worn much, but what she as real and precious to ed to pack into her room I didn’t even want to think about what she’d stored in the attic: that would be dealt with later, in the fall, when the attic was bearably cool and I’d time to think

I probably threay more than I should have, but itthis, and I did a drastic job of it Arlene folded and packed, only putting aside papers and photographs, letters and bills and cancelled checks My grandht anything on ti-up much easier

Arlene asked about Gran’s car It was five years old and had very little e "Will you sell yours and keep hers?" she asked "Yours is newer, but it’s sht," I said And I found I couldn’t think of it, that cleaning out the bedroom was the extent of what I could do that day

At the end of the afternoon, the bedroom was empty of Gran Arlene and I turned the mattress and I remade the bed out of habit It was an old four-poster in the rice pattern I had always thought her bedroom set was beautiful, and it occurred to er bedroo the one in the hall

Suddenly, that was exactly what I wanted to do The furniture I’d been using in my bedroom had been moved over here from my parents’ house when they’d died, and it was kid’s furniture; overly feminine, sort of reminiscent of Barbies and sleepovers

Not that I’d ever had many sleepovers, or been toto fall into that old pit I hat I was, and I had a life, and I could enjoy things; the little treats that kept ht move in here," I told Arlene as she taped a box shut

"Isn’t that a little soon?" she asked She flushed red when she realized she’d sounded critical

"It would be easier to be in here than be across the hall thinking about the rooh, crouched beside the cardboard box with the roll of tape in her hand

"I can see that," she agreed, with a nod of her fla red head

We loaded the cardboard boxes into Arlene’s car She had kindly agreed to drop theratefully accepted the offer I didn’t want anyone to look at randowns

When Arlene left, I hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and she stared at me That was outside the bounds our friendship had had up till now She bent her head to irl," she said, affection in her voice "You coain"

"You tell her Aunt Sookie said hi to her, and to Coby, too"

"I will" And Arlene sauntered off to her car, her flaher waitress outfit look like one big proy drained away as Arlene’s car buh the trees I felt a oing to be frory, but the clock told me it was time to eat I went into the kitchen and pulled one of the erator It held turkey and grape salad, and I liked it, but I sat there at the table just picking at it with a fork I gave up, returning it to the icebox and going to the bathroom for a much-needed shower The corners of closets are always dusty, and even a housekeeper as good as randmother had been had not been able to defeat that dust

The shower felt wonderful The hot water seemed to steam out some of my misery, and I shas and armpits After I climbed out, I plucked my eyebrows and put on skin lotion and deodorant and a spray to untangleelse I could laydown htshirt, a white one with Tweety Bird on the front, and I got my co to watch while I got my hair combed out, always a tedious process

My little burst of purpose expired, and I felt al into the living room with my coh the peephole Bill aiting patiently on the porch

I let hilad or sorry to see hihtshirt, the wet hair, the bare feet No makeup

"Come in," I said

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

And he ca around hi the pile of things I’d put to one side because I thought friends of Gran’s et the fraether, for example

"I cleaned out the bedroom today," I said "I think I’llelse to say He turned to look at me carefully

"Let me comb out your hair," he said

I nodded indifferently Bill sat on the flowered couch and indicated the old ottoman positioned in front of it I sat down obediently, and he scooted forward a little, fra at the crown of les out of my hair

As always, histhe first foot into a cool pool of water when I’d been on a long, dusty hike on a hot day

As a bonus, Bill’s long fingers see with the thicktranquil I could feel the slight movements of his body behind me as he worked with the coht, and then realized how strange an idea that was His heart, after all, didn’t

"I used to do this for my sister, Sarah," he otten and was trying not to break er She’d never cut it When ere children, and my mother was busy, she’d have er than you, or older?" I asked in a slow, drugged voice

"She was younger She was three years younger"

"Did you have other brothers or sisters?"

"My mother lost two in childbirth," he said slowly, as if he could barely remember "I lost my brother, Robert, when he elve and I was eleven He caught a fever, and it killed him Now they would puht But they couldn’t then Sarah survived the war, she and ; he had what I’ve learned since was a stroke My as living with my family then, and my children"

"Oh, Bill," I said sadly, almost in a whisper, for he had lost so ained its cold clarity

He worked on in silence for a while, until I could tell the coh my hair He picked up the white towel I’d tossed on the aran to pat h it to give it body

"Mer the sound of so the hair away from my neck and then I felt his mouth just at the nape I couldn’t speak ornot to ht the lobe of it between his teeth Then his tongue darted in His arainst hi, not those niggling things fromso very simple

He lifted me as easily as I’d rotate an infant He turned s on either side of his I put my arms around him and bent a little to kiss him It went on and on, but after a while Bill settled into a rhythue, a rhythhtshirt slid up to the tops of ely, I thought of a pan of cararandht of the oldenness of them

He stood up with me still wrapped around hirands locked around him, my head on his shoulder, and he lay ht co in the unshaded s, I saw hireat pleasure fro him, I knew I had to do the sahtshirt and tossed it onto the floor

I stared at hi so beautiful or so scary in my life

"Oh, Bill," I said anxiously, when he was beside me in the bed, "I don’t want to disappoint you"

"That’s not possible," he whispered His eyes looked at my body as if it were a drink of water on a desert dune

"I don’t know much," I confessed, my voice barely audible

"Don’t worry I know a lot" His hands began drifting overme in places I’d never been touched I jerked with surprise, then openedit with a regular guy?" I asked

"Oh, yes"

I looked up at hily

"It’ll be better," he said in e of pure excitement

A little shyly, I reached down to touch him, and he made a very human sound After a moed and shaking

"Oh, yes," he said, and then he was on top of me

A moment later he found out the true extent of my inexperience

"You should have told ently He held himself still with an aled, thinking that the top would fly off o on with it

"I have no intention of stopping," he prorimly "Sookiethis will hurt"

In answer, I raised myself He made an incoherent noise and pushed into ," Bill said No one had ever calledwith the effort of holding back

"Okay," I said inadequately I was over the sting, and I’d lose e if we didn’t proceed "Now," I said, and I bit hian an to catch on and keep up He foundwas just around the corner, so to speak - soood I said, "Oh, please, Bill, please!" and dug my nails in his hips, alnainst , flying, seeing white with gold streaks I felt Bill’s teeth against s penetrate, but it was a s pain, and as he came inside me I felt hi ti with little aftershocks I would never forget his taste and set the feel of him inside et the pleasure

Finally Bill moved to lie beside me, propped on one elbow, and he put his hand over my stomach

"I am the first"

"Yes"

"Oh, Sookie" He bent to kissthe line of my throat

"You could tell I don’t know ht for you? I et better"

"You can get et any better" He kissed me on the cheek "You’re wonderful"

"Will I be sore?"

"I know you’ll think this is odd, but I don’t rein I was ever as oyes, I recall, you will be very sore We won’t be able to ain, for a day or two"

"Your blood heals," I observed after a little pause, feeling ht, I could see him shift, to look at me more directly "So it does," he said "Would you like that?"

"Sure Wouldn’t you?"

"Yes," he breathed, and bit his own arm

It was so sudden that I cried out, but he casually rubbed a finger in his own blood, and then before I could tense up he slid that finger up inside ently, and in a one

"Thanks," I said "I’er

"Oh," I said "Would you like to do it again so soon? Can you do that?" And as his finger kept up its an to hope so

"Look and see," he offered, a hint of anizing myself, "Tell me what you want me to do"

And he did

I WENT BACK to work the next day Nopoere, I was a little uncomfortable, but boy, did I feel powerful It was a totally new feeling forword -is closer

Of course, there were the same old proble of them, the persistence But somehow I seemed better able to tone theuard up, and I felt consequently more relaxed Or maybe since I was uard? I don’t know But I felt better, and I was able to accept the condolences of the patrons with calm instead of tears

Jason caer, which wasn’t his nor the work day I knew he’d getdirectly, so I just asked hiain today," he said in a low voice He looked around to , but the bar was sparsely filled that day since the Rotary Club wasyou?" My voice was equally low

"How often I’d seen Maudette, did I always get as at the place she workedOver and over and over, like I hadn’t answered those questions seventy-five times My boss is at the end of his patience, Sookie, and I don’t blaone from work at least two days,down to the police station"

"Maybe you better get a lawyer," I said uneasily

"That’s what Rene said"

Then Rene Lenier and I saw eye to eye

"What about Sid Matt Lancaster?" Sidney Matthew Lancaster, native son and a whiskey sour drinker, had the reputation of being the ressive trial lawyer in the parish I liked him because he always treated ht be rilance We both knew Gran’s laas too old to handle the case if Jason was ever, God forbid, arrested

Jason was far too self-absorbed to notice anything different about olf shirt (instead of my usual round-necked T-shirt) for the protection of its collar Arlene was not as unaware as , and by the time the three o’clock lull hit, she was pretty sure she’d gotfun?"

I turned red as a beet "Having fun" hter than it was, but it was accurate as far as it went I didn’t knohether to take the high road and say, "No,love," or keep my mouth shut, or tell Arlene it was none of her business, or just shout, "Yes!"

"Oh, Sookie, who is the man?"