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When I aer than me because their bossy aunt will not let them be on their own, I will definitely cook them din ner It is only fair But Mathilda did not cook us dinner It was getting really late and Wanda and I were hungry We asked Mathilda as for dinner She shrugged and said, "I don’t know

What is for dinner?" "But you should know, " said Wanda "You’re looking after us " Mathilda looked vague and said, "We could order a pizza " "What do youto order it to do?" Wanda laughed "Cook dinner, " she said And Mathilda laughed too I had a definite feeling I washere "What’s so funny?" I asked, really annoyed, as it is not nice when people laugh at what you say and you don’t knohy "A pizza is soet so it to you on a bike " Noas h "Don’t be stupid, " I said "Why would anyone want to cook us so it here on a bike?"

"I don’t know, " said Wanda, "but they do Mom and I used to order lots of pizzas before wea bit sad, then she perked up and said, "Pizzas are really yuh, about half an hour later the doorbell rang As Wanda and I rushed to get the door we heard a loud yell and some thuds When we opened the door there was no one there--except Ned and Jed, of course And three boxes scattered down the path And a bike racing away down Spookie Lane "Drat, " said Mathilda--at least that’s what I thought she said, although Wanda toldmuch athered up the boxes "Ned, Jed, " she yelled, "you idiots! That was our dinner " I don’t knohy Wanda said pizzas were yuh Wanda said that pizzas were not usually rit in the care of you they usually do all the cleaning up and stuff like that, although obviously you have to be polite and offer to help (and hope that they say, "That’s all right, you go off and play") But we never got as far as the offering-to-help part because Mathilda didn’t do any of the cleaning-up We had eaten our pizza/sludge in the big room at the front of the house because Mathilda and Wanda both said that is what you did--you ate pizza and watched TV

Well, there isn’t a TV at Spookie House because Aunt Tabby does not approve of theood old Nurse Watkins had laid in the grate Oops--did I just say "good old Nurse Watkins"? Wanda and I picked up all the elasses and all of Mathilda’s candy wrappers-- as she chewed a lot of licorice and dropped the wrappers anywhere While we struggled out of the door with our arh one of the ht with her She unwrapped another piece of candy "Want one?" she asked, holding the bag out dreaazine I don’t like licorice and neither does Wanda We shook our heads and staggered out with all the yucky stuff "Missed one, " Mathilda called out as ent "Missed what?" I asked "Candy wrapper Over there " "Pick it up yourself, " rown-up I will azines and stuffing y pizza box Okay, so I don’t like licorice anyway, but that is not the point I would not even behave like that with Swedish Fish

Although there are lots of kitchens in the base ment of Spookie House, the one ays use now is the third-kitchen-on-the-left-just past-the-boiler-roo different kitchens like we used to before she and Barry and Wanda ca walk along the baseet there, and by the ti I should have realized ere in for troubleNed and Jed leaning against the door The third-kitchen-on-the-left-just-past the-boiler-roo had exploded in it The kitchen was full of a huge cloud of flour and there was food everywhere "Duck!" yelled Wanda suddenly "Where?" I asked, wondering how a duck could possibly cause sohit me on the back of my head and ran down my neck and I dropped the pizza stuff

Another egg hit Wanda and she screae, too Not that you would have noticed, as the floor was already covered with food There was flour everywhere and tons of broken eggs and squashed tomatoes and jelly and milk and crushed cookies and all of Brenda’s packets of Choco-Drop Krackles tipped out every where It ful, but then I saw so that really upset me "My cheese and onion chips!" I yelled "Where?" asked Wanda, staring at the dis gusting gloopy mess that covered the entire kitchen "Everywhere!" I can spot a crushed cheese and onion chip at a hundred feet, and it was true, they were everywhere

They were stuck in the jelly,floating in the squashed to I was furious And Ned and Jed were still leaning against the doorja like it was really funny, so I told thehosts, " I yelled "Go away!" "Yes, go away and don’t come back, " Wanda shouted "Or else!" Ned and Jed disappeared down the corridor "That told the up the kitchen and it took forever Wanda was very gruet Mathilda to help--since it was her ghosts who had caused all the trouble--but Mathilda had gone up to her room and had locked herself in

Wanda said she banged on the door and rattled it like crazy but Mathilda did not answer So we had to do all the cleaning up ourselves It was not the fun ti to have with Mathilda and two ghosts We cleaned up the kitchen--all except for the ceiling, which we could not reach, even when Ia mop So we had to leave it covered with squirts of to, and s tr awb e r r y jelly I could not help but wonder what Aunt Tabby would say about it when she got houred In fact there was a whole list of stuff she was going to say quite a lot about It went like this: Things that Aunt Tabby Will Not Like When She Coate thrown on top of the hedge One dead spider plant One house full of bats One bedroom full of clothes thrown everywhere Five smashed picture frames At least two dozen moldy curtains strewn around the house Ditto books Ditto flowerpots One smashed-up chest Hundreds of old tennis balls One kitchen ceiling covered in food

It did not look good We felt really tired after we had cleaned up the kitchen but there was still o to bed I had to feed the boiler with the special coal ives it and empty all its ash into its boiler bucket That took forever Then I had to check that the bat poo hatch where Barry shovels out the bat poo was closed to prevent the bats froht It wasn’t--so I had to shovel out a whole sack of bat poo to get it to close properly

And then I realized it didn’t matter anyway, as all the bats had already escaped Duh All Wanda had to do was feed Pusskins and her kittens, and she promised to help when she had finished, but she didn’t co with the kittens so that she did not have to help with the bat poo Wanda said we had to wash all the egg out of our hair because it was icky--which is a baby word--but she was right, it was icky But then there weren’t any towels because Mathilda had left hundreds of wet towels all over the floor of three bathroos that Aunt Tabby Will Not Like When She Corouchy and tired because by then it was nearly one o’clock in the

What would Aunt Tabby have said? And ould Nurse Watkins have said? We just fell into bed and were too tired to even draw the curtains around our Tuesday bedroo to sleep Wanda suddenly sat up and yelled,"Araminta!" "Wharrrrrr?" I muot a Plan!" "Whaddyouto leave Ned and Jed behind " "Behind what?" I was so sleepy I didn’t knohat Wanda was talking about "Behind Here, " said Wanda i to leave the " I sat up and stared at Wanda I had a horri ble feeling that Wanda was right I added Ned and Jed to s that Aunt Tabby Will Not Like When She Comes Home