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I came awake instantly, as I had in the funeral home This was a definite departure for me; usually it took me an hour, a shower, and two cups of coffee to wake up Not anymore One minute I was dead (ha!) to the world, the next I ide awake and rising from my coffin Well,I saas Giselle, perched imperiously at the foot ofaroundthe day and had decided I would still do So the first thing I did was feed her Then I took a shower, changed into clean, comfortable clothes, and slipped into et used to itor however the chant for vaames It was time to adjust and deal How, I had no idea, but it was iure out the rest of the plan Step one: get my shoes back Time to visit the hoiven her forme as a rival rather than ahi the carcass My father wasn&039;t a saint-still isn&039;t-but Antonia did everything she could to help hiot the house and the hu your husband traded you in for a younger, thinner ot Ant and a proreat help to his career I got a step she ever said to me was, "Be careful of my suit" The second was, "Don&039;t touch that" &039;That&039; was one of my mother&039;s vases

Yep, she took prisoners and moved in As for et to know her I had zero interest in building a relationship with the woe Plus, it&039;s hard to be nice to someone when you instantly realize they don&039;t like you

About a week after sheto old ingot necklace into the blender Over the sound of my stepmother&039;s screams, I pressed &039;puree&039; This was followed by my first trip to a therapist&039;s office

My father, the poor dope, just tried to keep his head down To his credit, he never gave in to the Ant&039;s deranted shared custody, and by God I would be shared Instead he kept her quiet with trinkets, and bought me off with books, and went to a lot of out-of-town se To Antonia&039;s credit she never insulted Moain had to toss precious metals into our KitchenAid But I had little sympathy for either of them They had made their choices

I pulled up outside their stupidly large house-do two people really need thirty-five hundred square feet?-and hopped out of my car Apparentlyof my estate-pitiful as it was-had been settled Well, heck, I&039;d only been dead a few days My family-well, my mom and dad-were doubtless still in shock

I pushed open the front door in time to hear my stepmother&039;s dulcet tones: "Goda asses off! They lost your daughter&039;s body! Now the funeral&039;s been delayed who kno long, we&039;re going to have to postpone our vacation-Jesus fucking Christ!"

A &039;clink&039; as my father dropped an ice cube into his shot of Dewar&039;s "I&039;ive the funeral place a chance I know they&039;re doing everything they can If they haven&039;t found-" Here his voice broke a bit and I instantly forgave him for most of my adolescence "-haven&039;t found Betsy by tomorrow, I&039;llinto the living room The look onand co back "Here I am Ant, where the hell are my shoes?"

Dead (ha!) silence, broken by the crash of breaking glass as the steplass hit the floor The color drained from her face all at once, and for the first time I noticed she had a fine network of crow&039;s feet around each eye She was fifteen years older than ht now she looked everyto smile, but the corners of his mouth trembled and I kneas afraid It ful- to do so toward his wife

"You gave the mortuary a pink suit when you know daave thener shoes Then you snuck in ood shoes"

She&039;d backed up all the way to the mantel, and in another few seconds would probably crawl into the fireplace I stopped until ere nose-to-nose Her breath smelled like lobster Nice! A celebratory dinner on the day of the stepdaughter&039;s funeral "Now Where are they?"

"Toni, you really did that?" iant, insurrave) and focused on sohter&039;s footwear) "You kno long she saved up to buy-"

"She was dead, for Christ&039;s sake!" Even now, ed to sounds affronted and harassed

"Irrelevant!" I yelled back I heard so break behind me, but didn&039;t turn "Where are they?"

"Elizabeth-I-you-you aren&039;t-you aren&039;t yourself and that&039;s all there is to it!"

"Antonia, you old sot, you&039;ve never spoken truer words Better tell rinned at her She blanched and I heard her breathing stop "You should see what happened to the last two guys who pissed me off"

"They&039;re probably in her bedroom," a voice said softly from behindin the entryway Her eyes were red-rih skirt over black leggings, a black turtleneck, and her hair was skinned back in a bun so tight it forced her eyebrows up into a look of perpetual surprise She had forgoneI hadn&039;t seen Jessica without rade "Mrs Taylor would have wasted no ti them away, you know" Then she burst into tears "Oh, Liz, I thought you were dead! We all thought you were dead!"

"Don&039;t call me that, you know I hate that And I sort of am," I said as she rushed toward me Before she hit my embrace, I put a hand on ently-she flew sideways and her ass hit the Laz-E-Boy "It&039;s a long story Prepare to be regaled"

Then ainst lanced back and sawin stunned silence while my father fixed himself another drink