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Coldness drips down my spine before the words break apart like shards of ice My throat tightens as I realize how ht scares me My chest rises and falls swiftly as h the marshes
“Avery,” his voice is deep, calers push back into ain and I copy hi to calm down
His dark lashes are lowered, considering his words When he aze, he says softly, “This is your path and the pain you feel is because that path is diverging and you’ve not chosen which way to go I want you to do whatever you need to do to feel whole again If thattheht I just think there’s a part of you that’s screa to be heard and it won’t be silenced Until you confront the crux of the ht where you’re railing against it”
I pull away and wrap e curve now, so I tucklow, ice licks its way upI repress a shudder Speaking through a wall of curly brown hair, I breathe, “You’ll lose ”
His voice is close I feel his breath on my neck when he speaks “I’ll never lose you This is part of you The part that you’re denying A part that I’ve already seen Avery, I knohat you’ve done You’re not weak”
I shake my head, “I am”
“No, you’re not,” he grabs my shoulders and whirls me toward hi to deny half of your being You’re not all rainbows and glitter any res and darkens”
“And that’s horrible”
“Maybe, but it’s also inert The dark part of you has no power over you It’s like trying to repress laughter because being happy is wrong It’s part of you now The good and the bad Let yourself become whoever it is you’reyou”
The quivering in my lower lip returns ten-fold He hit the mark The sore spot He said orries me most I blink away the layer of tears that haven’t fallen froaze My voice is barely a breath, “You won’t?”
“Never” The word rings with absolute conviction Sean tips his head to the side, keeping his eyes locked on entle either He’s not lied to , he holds up a metaphorical mirror to make me face it
“There are tih, in utter darkness You can’t force it to stop You can’t take a bypass around it That’s just the way it is Be who you are now I think you’ll feel better once you—” he stops suddenly Those sapphire eyes still locked on mine
“Once I, what? Say it, Sean” My brows are pinched together This conversation is two parts anxiety and one part brutal honestly It’s hard to s
His lips part as he traces a finger alongback, not saying whatever he planned, but then I feel the change in him That he thinks it’s better said than left in silence
“Avery,” he takes my hands and dips his head as he speaks Dark hair falls into his eyes “Once you stop trying to be soer exists”
That does it The tears flow The ugly sobs start Before Sean can get his arms aroundave me the permission I needed to walk on to whatever’s next To feel however I want to feel To stop looking backward His strong arms wrap around me as he huddles my body close to his
“Avery, I love you Forever Always No matter what happens You’re mine”
CHAPTER 3
Days roll by, one after the next They no longer bleed together at the edges I do what I want I no longer want to wear the bright happy , so Sean takes me to a specialty boutique nestled into an alley on the other side of the city I glance around nervously when the car drops us off and pull hter around my body
Sean sees hs “I know the owner I proht place”
I nod and take his hand as alk up to a matte black door with a curve at the top It looks like it once belonged on a church There’s not a bit of luster on it, just thick planks of black ith the ancient grain exposed Iron nail heads form a line across the planks Gothic details are the only decoration A spindly dragon is perched on an old-fashioned peephole that swings open like a door for a , his form carved with exquisite detail
It’s not until Sean pulls it open that I realize the thickness and heft of the door He holds it forfor me to enter I duck under his arm and stop directly on the other side of the doorway “Uh, Sean?”
His deep chuckle is in my ear as he stands next to me and takes my hand His eyes shift to the black walls filled with leather straps and harnesses A red corset is on a black French forht by the wall It’sthe fors exposed, and it’s covered in silver rings The display has a chain attached to the ring between the breasts of the form that ties off on the wall
I grip Sean’s hand harder “What are we doing here? I can’t do this stuff now”
A devilish smile flashes across his face before he scoffs “Of course, you can Unless you’re spotting again?” He watches me carefully I shake my head Nerves fill h returns He stops and tips his head at nant wife to an S&M club?”
“Uh, you did” I lift my palm in the air to show off the weird stuff on the other wall and the half-naked couples doing things on that side of the room I didn’t see them until that moment
There was a half wall and tooour view My face burns with a fierce blush
“The owner canyou want,” Sean states simply “Dresses, pants, jackets—whatever”
“How do you know her?” Curiosity gets the better of me
Sean lifts a dark brow “Black had a place like this, years ago, before she switched to the operation you stumbled into The seamstress that worked there owns this place It’s a shop, not an Orgy Fest I don’t knohat’s up with them” He tips his head at the couples in the corner
“Wait, Black had a club? You went to it?” My questions go unanswered as he pulls me deeper into the dimly lit room “Sean—?”
“I’ll fill you in later” Sean walks in long strides up to the desk and rings the bell
The hum of a machine stops and the place is filled with silence A th black duster e the front of the shop fro of a smile “Sean Ferro”
“Bella Noir” Sean reaches out and shakes her hand as she leans in and kisses his cheek
I suppress a giggle There’s no way that’s her real na around who have been bestowed names odd and old, but she’s not one of the a character The woman is slender, taller than me with inky hair and cherry stained lips that have perfectly outline bows The paleness of her skin has caused her to age well, but there are laugh lines on her long face and slight creases by her brown eyes I suspect she’s in her mid-forties