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I can’t do this I can’t

My head falls back into the cool brick wall and I pinch htly I will not cry

I blow out a frustrated breath and scroll throughsend before I can change my mind

“What the hell are you doing?” Chase asks ih the BS

“I can’t do it,” I mutter

“Shut up with the Debbie Downer crap You can go to an appointment—you just don’t want to There’s a difference You’re already…five minutes late”

I watch a car pull into a parking space and a young guy gets out of the passenger side IHe can’t be more than thirteen or fourteen He looks up as he approaches the door that I’ passes silently between us and he nods Without a word, he reaches aroundin—he’s holding it open for me

Panic rises in my chest and my heart pumps furiously

“Hope, you can do this,” Chase states firo”

I nod I don’t know if I’esture, or if I’ the kid Either way, I end the call and tuck h the threshold into what I expect is the entrance to Hell

~~~~

I get the first text nearly an hour later, at exactly five o’clock on the dot I know Mason is worried and he wants to kno the session went But I haven’t even stepped out of the office, and I’m just not ready to talk about it yet

I need to take a hts and sort my emotions

I need to breathe

This is only the first day and I already had to unearth so much Veronica Kohl is probably a nice person outside the office, but behind those doors, she’s pure evil She pissed me off She made me cry And she made me say it out loud

“Own it, Hope” Those were her words

So I did After glaring at her for close to ten minutes while she sat there patiently, I said it I told her that my mom’s boyfriend molested me when I elve I told her that my mom was a worthless addict I told her my mom died and left me behind

And then I told her that I cut myself That I’ve come up with many unique ways to hurt myself in order to control the emotional pain

When I was done spilling ress

But as I sit inthe rainwater blur

I feel shaky andloud and I just want it to stop

My fingers grip the steering wheel, squeezing until my knuckles are strained and white I kno to silence it I can ht now One swipe of a razor That’s all it would take

I press ainst the space betweenwheel iood

My phone beeps again, alerting me to another text

My jaw clenches as I fight against the stinging in my eyes No more tears today Just—no more

I start the car and get so That will help I put on my seat belt, adjust the heat, and check my es on my phone

The first one’s short and simple

Him: HOW’D IT GO?

The second one—not so much

Him: ARE YOU OKAY? DON’T SHUT ME OUT I’M HERE PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOU’RE ALL RIGHT

I shiver and it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m wet and cold It’s this boy This man This incredible person that is mine

I don’t want him to worry about

Me: I’M NOT ALL RIGHT, BUT I WILL BE JUST NEED A MINUTE LUV U

I don’t wait for a reply I throwlot It’s the first time since I met him that I don’t think I’ll find what I need in Mason

Right nohat I need is a mom

It’s just too damn bad I don’t have one

3

Mason

I can’t sleep Storht The thunder reflects the turmoil inside of me too well

I pick up my phone and check for ht When she said she needed a minute, it wasn’t like I took that literally, but it’s been seven and a half hours I can’t believe she hasn’t called

I call Guy again If anyone would know anything it would be her best friend and foster brother

“She’s still not here,” he says, his voice tired

“Daain?”

“Not since the text I told you about an hour ago She had a hard time today She needs some time Dad said they already talked about this He told her as long as she went, she could handle it however worked for her”

“I still think one of us should have gone with her”

“I know I tried You kno she is”