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I pause, her words—You don’t know his I could tell her That the man they know as the Scientist is the same man I have called Father; that I have lived with him, played with him, conversed with him, explored the metropolis with him, been told stories by him I know that when he slept, his hardened face fell away to expose the face of a little boy, and that he snored only softly, his huge barrel chest rising and falling, rising and falling, his hands lying lax at his sides That my years with him were more than theirs, and deeper That I have been loved by hireater than any other

Instead, I rub the sticks harder against one another

“You have the weight of the world on your shoulders, Gene,” she says quietly

I cross

“Secrets,” she whispers, “they will eat you up inside” She gets up and joins the others

Later in the day, the rain stops Sunshine breaks through a partial break in the clouds and the boys shout with jubilation Jacob declares all is now perfect: they now have sunshine and speed “Take that, you hunters!” he brazenly yells The other hepers, laughing, egg hihter soars into the bluing skies

But I do not share in their joy Because every gained inch away fro the chasm between Ashley June and me

She has coh the most random of objects: the shape of the clouds, the silhouette of the ever-nearing eastern mountains Every second that passes, every ripple of water left in our wake, and I feel the noose around her neck pulled tighter Guilt pricksherself forout for me, for a rescue I was unable to execute By now sheThat I have failed her

The boys are shouting, giddiness wrapped around their words, shiny and glossy They are yelling about the Scientist, about the Promised Land

The sound of footsteps running on the floorboards It’s Ben

“Coht smile on his face “It’s so much warmer in the sunshine than in the cabin”

I tell him I need to stay out of the sun

“C’ on my arms

But I snap the up as it is I’m not darkened like you hep—” And I’m only just able to stop myself

His face falls Then he slips away, into the bright glare of sunlight, leaving me alone in the cold shade of the damp cabin

Over the next hour, sun coluh the clouds The land opens itself up, its soaked colors bleeding into the terrain The verdant green of the meadows, the deep blue hue of the river All afternoon, I hear their voices slipping through cracks in the cabin walls Even in the close proximity of the boat, they feel a thousand miles from me

Sun pours down, its hazy texture like grains of salt falling into the open wounds of my conscience

Late afternoon Like dogs bathing in the sunshine, they’re sprawled around the deck, soaking in the rays, napping Their energies depleted, sto even as they sleep It’s ain at the stern I drink in the sound of water lapping under the wooden boards, a rhyth bob of the boat prods me into sleepiness

Epap is awake He’s hunched over, scribbling soets the better of me and I amble over, unnoticed

He’s sketching an i on a rock at the edge of a waterfall, one ar ahead, her ar The waterfall sparkles as if bejeweled by thousands of rubies and diaown, her chest bustier and waist narrower than in reality In the drawing, so behind her It takes a moment before I realize who it’s supposed to be Epap, in acords of bunched ht One hand is placed on Sissy’s waist, the other placed farther down, lighting on her right thigh with an overwrought tenderness Sissy is reaching back and grabbing the back of his head with a passion

ate fist, her fingers intertwined in the strands of his wavy hair

“Wow, that’s quite a feat of iination,” I say

“Wha—!” he exclai the sketchbook shut “You little snoop!”

“What’s going on?” Sissywith sleep

“Take it easy,” I say “When you’re done with your, u? The current’s gotten strong”

I head to the bow, angling the rudder pole until the boat slowly rights itself Fro After a few minutes, it’s David, not Epap, who comes out to lend a hand

Whoa, he rabs the other pole

Epap is speaking to Sissy at the stern, his arms spread wide for balance She shakes her head in response, pointing at the sun-colues closer to her, his hands waving excitedly They continue speaking, intensely, but I can’t hear a word over the roar of the river I walk over

“—river,” he’s saying to her

“What are you talking about?” I say as I approach them

Epap shoots ”

I face Sissy “What about the river?”

“The river is wet!” Epap sneers “Now startyour own business!”

“You’re thinking of docking, aren’t you?” I say to Sissy “To hunt for food”

Sissy doesn’t answer, only stares at the river, her jaw clenched

“Letmove That’s a mistake”

“Nobody asked for your opinion,” Epap says, positioning himself between me and Sissy

“Getting off this boat is a bigaround Epap His back bristles with annoyance “Didn’t we learn anything froht? There’s—”

“What part of ‘mind your own business’ do you not understand?” Epap snarls “In fact, just go get the rope lines ready We’ll need to anchor this boat down once we land”

“Are you out of your mind? They want to eat us—”