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Prologue

Lila

Beauty Vanity Perfection Three words my mother adores They hters, and life Without these attributes, she thinks she’d be better off dead Withoutthese attributes, she would disownless than excel These are her rules and the vanity that makes up my life And ht be worse, because even with beauty, perfection, and flawlessness, I’h

The constant need to be perfect continuously overwhel to be crushed from the pressure Sometimes I swear my house can shrink and expand, that the walls can close in and then retreat When I’m alone in my house, the space feels overly immense with too many rooms, too many walls But when I’h space, almost as if I can’t breathe, even if we’re on opposite sides of the house

Maybe it’s because I’ h to appease theh There are always rules to follow Sit up straight Don’t slouch Don’t talk unless you’re spoken too Don’t screw up Be perfect Look pretty We have expectations and standards to live up to We must be perfect on the outside, despite what’s on the inside I get so exhausted by the rules I’m fourteen years old and all I want to do is have fun for once in ner dresses, not worry aboutand sleek, my skin flawless If I could, I would cut off my hair and dye it some wild color, like fiery red or streak it with black I would wear heavy eyeliner and dark red lipstick I would do anything as long is it was really h I only know the me my mother created

I’ tired of it I don’t want to worry about what everyone thinks of my family I don’t want to have to sit at a dinner table that is big enough to seat twenty when there are only three of us I don’t want to be forced to eat food that looks like it still needs to be cooked I don’t want to endure oneI want them to just let me be myself and maybe, perhaps tell me that they loveup I want to feel loved I really do

“Lila Suer at et bad posture and it will et a huine how hideous you’d look then”

Blowing out a breath, I straightenmy chest up, and continue to push the food around on my plate with my silverware “Yes, mother”

She shoots me a dirty look, displeased with ular Botox treat moves, wrinkles, or reveals any kind of eain, that’s howis to shoeakness, so with failure, underachieve I frequently cause

“But doesn’t it see on thin ice My father hates e question the rules, but sometimes I can’t keep my mouth shut, because I keep it shut too often “To not be able to slouch just a little since we’re the only ones here”

“Maybe we should start having her eat at her own table,” us “You kno I feel about distractions while I’” He’s always in a pissy mood, but he’s extra pissy today He had to joinatyesterday It wasn’t really a big deal I just ot called in and that in and of itself caused an embarrassment to my father, which he repeatedly reminded me of in the car ride home

“She never does anything right,” he’d said to my mother as we drove home “I’hten up or she needs to go”

He’d said it like I was a dog or so equally as easy to discard

Myme to keep —like he ever is She has blue eyes and blonde hair identical to ray so she dyes it once every couple of weeks so her roots won’t show She gets ners, and has a shoe closet that’s as big as a lot of people’s houses She likes her expensive wine and of course her row up to be her, but if my mom has her way, I’ll be married off to some well-known family’s son, despite the fact that on’t be in love Love is stupid Love won’t get you happiness, she always says It’s how my mother and father met, which is probably why they sit on opposite ends of the dining table and never make eye contact Sometimes I wonder hoas ever created, since I’ve never even seen them kiss

My father’s phone chi the screen He hesitates, and then silences it before returning it to his pocket

“Who was that?” h she already knows We all do Even the maids

“Business,” he us

Business is his twenty-four-year-old mistress, whototo her reed that it was a sacrifice of her luxurious life Mydeal, but I could hear the hurt in her tone then like I can spot agitation in her eyes now I think ither beauty and youth, since she’s getting older, grayer, and the wrinkles are starting to show