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CHAPTER ONE

Boz

Why the devil is there a splinter in my ass? Inside the cozy darkness of my coffin, made from the finest oak an obscenely wealthy Transylvanian prince can buy, I uncross ht side

Ouch! Withnothing but rough hard wood beneath me Damn that Cornelia!

“Neli! Get down here this instant!” Neli is o She is supposed to take care of all the things I do not wish to deal with, which is basically everything I find her to be lazy and stupid like most humans For example, I have told her a thousand tie to refurbishthe cushions, even after I threatened hihters

It is as if the ainst me

I roll onto h Well, I suppose I will not be getting my beauty rest A sha, as if I have not had a wink of sleep today

I suppose it is the stress of all those pesky peasants de thee to farorii Gillmoreanu, perished in a very unfortunate sunshine accident Yes, yes, I eon escape door open, but it was truly an accident when I also forgot to close his coffin

It is just that his coat was so velvety As his squire, ore rags made from potato sacks, I naturally admired the soft, luxurious feel He was an early-to-bed sort of —so I often entered the dungeon to ad crate I called hoine one and that I had inherited his title, wealth, castle, and probleh I had technically been his slave, I stillwo

Oh, Kylgorii Sorry about the coffin, my friend If he were here now, he would have Neli whipped into shape Literally I myself have never been able to whip, ta she did not wish to do I would remove her head for her constant insolence, but she has a ith the villagers

“Neli!” I yell once again and push on the coffin lid The hinges pop fro to the stone floor

Very poor craftsmanship, indeed I will have to speak to the carpenter this evening Kylgorii taught me that to rule is to instill fear Let up for one in to think they have power Hysterical

Naked, I hop frorab my black satin cape fro, it disintegrates in my hands and falls to the floor

What the devil? We must have a moth issue Very ravenous, from the looks of it And where is that damned Cornelia? I hadn’t really noticed the cobwebs this lecting her cleaning duties The lack of torches is also unacceptable

I bet she spent the night with that sheepherder again That does it