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He took one in his hand and started kneading it “Want me to help you soften them?”
I grabbed the shoe back “No! Oh, God There’s no ti away a faceful of stiff, sequined tutu “Oh, please Helpto reach past the layers of tulle to the ribbons on my ankles “Help me take these off”
I was barking orders to a perfect stranger but he co to untie the pink ribbons and unwind them from my ankles while I picked out the pair of shoes that was least noisy I dug my toe pads out of the discarded pair, wrapped them around my toes, and jammed them into the new pair He held my tutu down and out of the hile I bent to adjust the elastics and tie the ribbons
“Hey,” he said over the frantic rasping ofto be okay”
“Everything’s not going to be okay,” I snapped “I’ Beauty with The Great Rubio And listen to this” I clopped the toes of my shoes on the floor and then kicked my old, soft ones across the room in frustration
“The Great Rubio?” he repeated, chuckling I was almost to the door when I realized how rude I’d been to him
“I only had sevenback “I’m so sorry I—”
He waved me off “Fly free, little ballerina Go”
I ran out the door, thinking I should have at least said thank you It was too late now The stage er was a deep shade of scarlet when I skidded up to him “Damn you,” he said “You’re on in thirty seconds”
Grunts attacked my scalp with hairpins as they affixed Princess Aurora’s aluminum and rhinestone crown to my head At least my black hair would hide the blood Ouch There had to be blood
“Shake your head,” the lead costue Sorabbed my face in one hand and used the other to apply a haphazard slash of the dark red lipstick Sleeping Beauty wore Out of the corner ofthis chaos His long, tousled hair contrasted with his sedate expression, his cultivated bearing He had a great body but he was too big to be a dancer I wondered why he was hanging out backstage
“Do your lips Do your lips!” the ether until Ioily crimson in what I hoped was an adequate outline
So the tutu The waist and bodice fit like a second skin Apparently Mariel and I were the saht, and in fact we looked very much alike, with pale complexions, black hair, and blue eyes Only difference was that she was a principal who’d danced this role for weeks now, and I was a faceless member of the corps Also, my shoes weren’t broken in and I was about to possibly have a heart attack
I looked around for et through it, Ashleigh,” said a low voice at my side The coreat director because he understood his dancers For instance, he understood that I danced best in a group, at the back of the stage out of the spotlight I appealed silently for hi the rest of the ballet or delaying it until another principal ballerina could be fetched
It wasn’t happening
Rubio stretched on the other side of the stage, oblivious to the drama, deep in perfor Such focus, such artistic brilliance—and the body of a Brazilian Adonis The twenty-six-year-old virtuoso had risen frolorious talent Me, I’d scratched my way into the London City Ballet corps and that was probably as far as I’d ever go
I scurried to ehands pushed me I heard the cue to enter and looked up at the same moment into Rubio’s dark, wide-set eyes My inspiration, htmare We moved toward each other, arms outstretched My smile said oh God, help me, while his wasto the audience with a blazing s Beauty and her prince
The orchestral cue straightenedtap of a teacher I could do this I’d been dancing for twenty of my twenty-four years I could do it—I just wasn’t ready to Rubio swept e and we struck another pose His whole body tensed, vibrating besideand it shookconfidence Don’tor your idol will hate you forever
The dance began with a sustained développé facing away fro to the front and then lean backward in a very slow, graceful, controlled htest falter, and I’d fall on my ass in front of four thousand eyes My balance depended solely on his skill as a partner My hands were so sweaty I was afraid htened like a vise He centered me, supported e with his stance, his grip, his balance
I got you This is yours to fuck up
Oh God, I was going to fuck it up I knew it A quick turn and I was in his ar so precariously on one toe Arabesque… Graceful…graceful, Ashleigh His hands were there when I needed theht where they were supposed to be He hadn’t beco a clod
He let go and ere free of one another, sweeping the length of the stage only to turn and make lovey eyes at each other My toe shoes sounded as loud as gunshots I clasped erated motion I’d seen Mariel do a hundred ti was off I strained to hear the beats in theof ed to look both impassioned with love and livid with me
“I’ether for an arabesque penchée
“Shut up,” he hissed through his teeth
On that note, we moved into another series of supported and unsupported attitudes He could have let me fall on my ass I’m sure he wanted to, but he was steady as a rock and I felt overwhelratitude
Fresh on the heels of that trauma—a lift Oh no, and another and another I tried to re class but I’d been in the corps so long that I wasn’t used to being lifted I wasn’t any heavier than Mariel but I probably felt like a ton of bricks to hihtlessness but I could feel the effort in his ar to do but sh with
the last turn
“Asshole,” he grunted as I arched into a fish dive My forh the next three series of supported pirouettes I was careful not to touch him, but that threw off my balance so his hands had to rescue me, extra effort for him
Another eye contact aze looked dee left Thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk One of the ball guests actually broke character to grih Pose, s arabesque More pirouettes, another lift, fish dive Somehow I survived it
“Thank you,” I said under my breath as he led me forward for the bow or reverence
His reply cae”
I waited in the wings while he did his solo, trying to process the eiddy to have been partnered by The Great Rubio, while another part of me was devastated by his scorn I took slow, deep breaths as I watched hi leaps and intricate steps—and he made it look effortless I was supposed to follow this? I felt a sense of panic, of being trapped It was like being strapped into a roller coaster car, heading straight up the tracks even though you’d decided on second thought you didn’t want to ride Click click click click
But I had to ride this one out, especially with Mr Thibault staring at h his bows to a rising din of applause As soon as he exited, I took a deep breath and made my entrance The applause died The audience surely realized by now that I wasn’t Mariel, the much-loved ballerina who’d danced the previous two acts
The orchestra launched into uide the te too slow or too fast I perfor white costuh the co each step and tuned out the clopping of my toes I nailed the technique out of sheer desperation, and halfway through I realized I was going to survive After the last racing slew of pirouettes I rose en pointe and halted in perfect concordance with theover, no weak ankles My spine was tempered steel I smiled joy out of every pore in my body and was rewarded with louder applause this tinized my effort