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Arterant you But look here”

Po’s gaze followed the youth’s finger

“Those furniture tacks See the crisscross pattern on the head? Machine tooled Nineteen twenty at the earliest Your grandfather was duped But what matter? A chair is a chair A possession of no importance, eh, Doctor?”

Po scribbled furiously, burying his dismay “Yes, Arte your little gaet back to you?”

Artehtened the crease in his trousers “There is a problem here, Doctor”

“Really? And what ht that be?”

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask”

Dr Po jotted in his pad for a full minute “We do have a problem, Artemis But that’s not it,” he said eventually

Artemis almost smiled No doubt the doctor would treat him to another predictable theory Which disorder would he have today? Multiple personality perhaps, or ical liar?

“The probleh to treat them as an equal”

Artemis was thrown by the statement This doctor was smarter than the rest

“That’s ridiculous I hold several people in the highest esteem”

Po did not glance up from his notebook

“Really? Who, for example?”

Arteht for a moment “Albert Einstein His theories were usually correct And Archimedes, the Greek mathematician”

“What about someone whom you actually know?”

Arteht hard No one came to mind

“What? No examples?”

Arteed “You seem to have all the answers, Dr Po, why don’t you tell me?”

Po opened aon his laptop “Extraordinary Every time I read this—”

“My biography, I presume?”

“Yes, it explains a lot”

“Such as?” asked Artemis, interested in spite of himself

Dr Po printed off a page

“Firstly, there’s your associate, Butler A bodyguard, I understand Hardly a suitable companion for an impressionable boy Then there’s your mother A wonderful woman in my opinion, but with absolutely no control over your behavior Finally, there’s your father According to this, he wasn’t much of a role model, even when he was alive”

The re, but Artemis wasn’t about to let the doctor realize how much

“Your file isperhaps, but alive”

Po checked the sheet “Really? I was under the i for alally dead”

Arteh his heart was pounding “I don’t care what the courts say, or the Red Cross He is alive, and I will find him”

Po scratched another note

“But even if your father were to return, what then?” he asked “Will you follow in his footsteps? Will you be a criminal like him? Perhaps you already are?”

“My father was no cri all our assets into legitimate enterprises The Murmansk venture was completely aboveboard”

“You’re avoiding the question, Artemis,” said Po

But Arte Tiame

“Why, Doctor?” said Artemis, shocked “This is a sensitive area For all you know, I could be suffering from depress

ion”

“I suppose you could,” said Po, sensing a breakthrough “Is that the case?”

Artemis dropped his face into his hands “It’s my mother, Doctor”

“Yourto keep the excitement from his voice Artemis had caused half a dozen counselors to retire from Saint Bartleby’s already this year Truth be told, Po was on the point of packing his own bags But now

“My mother, she”

Po leaned forward on his fake Victorian chair “Your mother, yes?”

“She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than rees”

Po sighed “Very well, Arte to find peace if you continue to run away from your problems”

Artemis was spared further analysis by the vibration of his cell phone He had a coded secure line Only one person had the nu open the tiny communicator “Yes?”

Butler’s voice cah the speaker “Artemis It’s me”

“Obviously I’ here”

“We’ve had a e”

“Yes From where?”

“I don’t know exactly But it concerns the Fowl Star”

A jolt raced up Artemis’s spine

“Where are you?”

“The ate”

“Good man I’m on my way”

Dr Po whipped off his glasses “This session is not over, young ress today, even if you won’t admit it Leave now, and I will be forced to inform the dean”

The warning was lost on Artemis He was already so over his skin This was the beginning of so He could feel it

CHAPTER 2

CRUISIN’ FOR CHIX

The Lower Elements, Haven City, West Bank

The traditional ireen-suited ie Fairies have their own stereotypes The People generally iine officers of the Lower Elenoe crunchball squads