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Watching her mother blossom over the last months as she followed her artistic aspirations had been an eye-opener, and hadlook at herself It was scary Following through on her own drea Cole If that happened, thenman No She loved him so much, that wasn’t possible
Whatever the truth, all the hopes and plans and excitement of a fah no fault of her own, or Cole’s Miscarriages happened—often She just hadn’t figured she’d be a statistic Neither had she’d started her pregnancy thinking how it rieving for her baby
Where should she go fro like nothing had happened, stiff upper lip and all that It was a role she had played every ti days off would only add to her loneliness Her friends would be at work or, like Molly, busy with their little ones To head home to the family in Cairns where she’d be wrapped in love and comfort would make it even harder to return to Sydney and the empty apartment at the end of her break
Molly hadn’t finished playing the diploutted He was so excited about the pregnancy, and he loves you to bits’
‘Then why do I co?’ The ar one who had to be obeyed at all cost Right frooing to sign up after finishing his ht she’dwith his plans without question made him happy
Unfortunately, she hadn’t knohat living alone while married really entailed Hadn’t understood the relentless loneliness when he ay for months on end An isolation that encroached even when he was back in Sydney and they were sharing arether—when he wasn’t working—hat she craved when he wasn’t here and worked atwonderful when he was
Yet being a soldier wasn’t like any regular job Not even a istrar’s frantically busy position had taken him away from her so much Often lately, even when he was home with her, he wasn’t really with her
Regret for not getting on with the agency years ago hit hard She’d have been busy, focused, not trying to fill in the ee everything, bring Cole home to her permanently so he’d share their lives beside her, not froth to revisit her plans But her baby was gone Raw agony sla to smile about
‘You’re staying here with us tonight, no arguaze with hers, which was no doubt pathetically sad at the moment
‘You didn’t used to be so bossy,’ Vicki ratitude that she’d met this woman and they’d become firm friends
‘That’s a yes, then’
‘Didn’t think I had any choice’ She had nothing to hide froo back to the apart to absorb what’s happened’ Yes, happened, as in no going back No changing the outcoun so and was all but done now, though the occasional painful cramps still underscored what had occurred As if she needed reht on her chest, the emptiness in her heart, the incessant tears—all tells of her loss Our loss Just because she hadn’t spoken to Cole didn’t ed too
She straightened up, swung her legs over the side of the couch She needed to be doing so for the next hit fro to walk to the end of the lawn and back’ Stop and stare out over the Tasth to move forward
‘Wantthe baby monitor It works from as far as the fence’
Vicki shook her head ‘I’ll be fine You stay near those two cuties’ Her lip trembled
Molly wrapped her in a hug ‘I’lad you called me’
‘So aer day if I hadn’t’
She’d phoned in a panic when she’d realised as happening and, while it wasn’t essential she go to the eot checked over at the hospital where she and Nathan worked and let hih theperspective—
before Molly brought her back to their house
She was so grateful for Molly’s coh it was hard when the babies cried, or needed feeding or changing That was supposed to have been her future If Cole had been around she wouldn’t have needed anyone else to hold her, talk when she wanted a distraction, listen to her vent about how unfair life was He would have understood everything
Before heading outside, she picked up her phone to tap Cole’s nu to hear his voice ‘Cole, sweetheart, answer me’
‘Please leave a e’
She banged ‘off’, tossed the phone aside So e was not solely for her, it was generic It wasn’t special, or sexy She choked, the tears a waterfall soaking into her crumpled tee shirt ‘Where the hell are you?’ she yelled
Nathan appeared in the doorway ‘Vicki? It’s hard, that’s what it is’ He crossed the roo her ‘Cole will call as soon as he can’
‘I know that But it’ll be too late’ She sniffed, soaked up some of her friend’s warmth and leaned back to look directly at theas she’d known Cole ‘I need hi over, more destructive because her husband wasn’t here to share it, to console her, to let her coot through the days ahead a little easier ‘I really do’
‘You’ll get through this You’re tougher than you think’ Nathan squeezed tighter, then released her, a grim expression on his face
Tough? Yes, she could be But today she’d run out of tough She wanted to be selfish for a while Curling up in bed, pulling the covers over her head, and ignoring the world going on around her was a priority right now Which hy she’d go outside for a few h? Sniff I suppose But, no, she really had had enough