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I don’t say that to Z, though I know he’ll listen … and get it In fact, I don’t say anything to hi keeping me sane these last feeeks Well, him and Luc and Cah about my parents and they’ve been there for me pretty much every minute since

They dealt with the police and the hospital shit when I couldn’t think

They took care of the funeral for me when I couldn’t cope

And at least one of thean’s bedside, even when I can’t talk, can’t function, can’t breathe

Especially then

Z worked his ive es these last feeeks as I’ve tried to wrap my head around the fact that my entire life has pretty much itotally unprepared and totally apathetic about all of it

Neither is a feeling I’m used to I’ve wanted to board pretty much from the time I learned to walk My parents put me on a snowboard for the first time when I was four, and I swear, I’ve never looked back From that moment on, all I’ve ever wanted to do was ride Everywhere All the time

Until now

“You doing okay?” Z asks as we start the steep cli area for SuperPipe competitors

“Fine,” I tell him

He looks ate just how h his own sister’s death all those years ago? And the last thing I want to do is s are finally, finally going so freaking well for him

He wants to say souess he’s as worried aboutwith his I alht now that there isn’t much that could make it worse Exceptme that my brother is dead, too It sounds morbid to even consider it, but the truth is that’s all I’ve been able to think about since I got to Aspen

Logan, dying alone in that hospital room because I’ a perfect 1440 Worried about boarding

The next fewthe others do their runs on the pipe Usually, I’ what they do well—and what they don’t That or keeping an eye on Z, trying to ht space It feels weird to stand here knowing that this ti about me