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Prologue

Amanda dreamed dreadful dreams Colin was there, his sweet, well-loved face crushed with sorrow Mandy, he said He never called her anything but Mandy His Mandy,Mandy But there'd been no sh in his eyes

Mandy, we can't stop it I e could Mandy, ht you'd have to coirl, it's so hard for her And it'll get harder You have to tell her, you know

He smiled then, but it was sad, so sad, and his body, his face, that had seemed so solid, so close that she'd reached out in sleep to touch hian to fade and shimmer away

You have to tell her, he repeated We always knew you would She needs to knohere she comes froet that I loved her I loved irl

Oh, don't go, Colin Shefor him Stay with me I love you, Colin My sweet Colin I love you for all you are

But she couldn't bring him back And couldn't stop the dream

Oh, how lovely to see Ireland again, she thought, drifting like o See the river gleaift without price

And there was To to smile at her, to welcome her

Why was there such grief here, when she was back and felt so young, so vibrant, so in love?

I thought I'd never see you again Her voice was breathless, with a laugh on the edges of it Tommy, I've come back to you

He seeet no closer than an arm span away from him But she could hear his voice, as clear and sweet as ever

I love you, Aht of you, and remembered e found here

He turned in her dreareen and soft and the water quiet

You named her for the river, for the memory of the days we had

She's so beautiful, To You'd be proud

I am proud And hoish But it couldn't be We knew it You knew it He sighed, turned back You did well for her, A her now The pain of that, and what you've held inside all these years, ht And let her know, somehow let her know that I loved her And would have shown her if I could

I can't do it alone, she thought, struggling out of sleep as his ie faded away Oh, dear God, don't make me do it alone

"Moh her hands shook, Shannon stroked her mother's sweaty face "Mom, wake up It's a dream A bad dream" She understood what it was to be tortured by drea now afraid her one There was desperation in her voice Not now, she prayed Not yet "You need to wake up"

"Shannon They're gone They're both of theone Taken from me"

"Ssh Don't cry Please, don't cry Open your eyes now, and look at me"

Arief "I'ht for you"

"I know Of course you did" She wondered frantically if the deliriuh that it had her reedy disease, and cursed God, but her voice was soothing when she spoke "It's all right now I'm here I'm with you"

With an effort A breath Visions swauished Shannon's eyes were-how shattered they had been when she'd first come back to Columbus

"It's all right now" Ahter's eyes "Of course you're here I', so sorry I have to leave you "I've frightened you I'htened you"

It was true-the fear was a metallic taste in the back of her throat, but Shannon shook her head to deny it She was almost used to fear now; it had ridden on her back since she'd picked up the phone in her office in New York and been told her"Are you in pain?"

"No, no, don't worry" Ah there was pain, hideous pain, she felt stronger Needed to, hat she was about to face In the few short weeks Shannon had been back with her, she'd kept the secret buried, as she had all of her daughter's life But she would have to open it now There wasn't ?"

"Of course" Shannon picked up the insulated pitcher near the bed, filled a plastic glass, then offered the straw to her mother

Carefully she adjusted the back of the hospital-style bed toroom in the lovely house in Columbus had been modified for hospice care It had been Amanda's wish, and Shannon's, that she come home for the end

There wason the stereo, softly The book Shannon had brought into the room with her to read aloud had fallen where she'd dropped it in panic She bent to retrieve it, fighting to hold on

When she was alone, she told herself there was improvement, that she could see it every day But she had only to look at her radual wasting, to know better

There was nothing to do now but make her mother comfortable, to depend, bitterly, on the morphine to dull the pain that was never completely vanquished

She needed a an to bubble in her throat Just ato get a nice cool cloth for your face"

"Thank you" And that, Ah tiht words

Chapter One

A it would coht to one of the men she loved was an injustice to the other, whichever way she chose

But it was neither of them she could concern herself with now Nor could she brood over her own shame

There was only Shannon to think of Shannon to hurt for

Her beautiful, brilliant daughter who had never been anything but a joy to her A pride to her The pain rippled through her like a poisoned strearitted her teeth There would be hurt now, for ould happen soon, from what had happened all those years

ago in Ireland With all her heart she wished she could find some way to dull it

She watched her daughter coy beneath Moves like her father, Aht Not Colin Dear, sweet Colin had lurown pup