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I wish they’d said nothing at all I start to scream:

My name is Amber Reynolds! I’m a radio presenter! Why don’t you knoho I am?

I shout the sanore me because, on the outside, I am silent On the outside, I am nobody and I have no name

I want to see the me they have seen I want to sit up, reach out and touch the Anyone I want to ask a thousand questions I think I want to know the answers They used the word from before too, the one I don’t want to hear

The wo the door behind theether and I anore it I can’t open my eyes I can’ton impact and I know it to be true…

Coma

Then

One week earlier – Monday, 19th December 2016

I tiptoe downstairs in the earlyis where it ought to be and yet I’ I pull on h to the kitchen to begin my routine I start with the back door and repeatedly turn the handle until I’m sure it is locked:

Up, down Up, down Up, down

Next, I stand in front of the large range oven with h I aas hobs My fingers for the thumb on each hand I whisper quietly tothat all of the knobs and dials are switched off I do a coether to create a Morse code that only I can decipher Once satisfied that everything is safe and secure, I go to leave the kitchen, lingering briefly in the doorondering if today is a day when I ain It isn’t

I creep across creaking floorboards into the hall, pick upand check the contents Phone Purse Keys I close it, open it, then check again Phone Purse Keys I check a third time on my way to the front door I stop for a mo back at ht have been pretty once, I barely recognise her now Ablack lashes frareen eyes, sad shadows have settled beneath them, thick brown eyebrows above My skin is a pale canvas stretched over my cheekbones My hair is so brown it’s alht strands rest on hly withthe hair off h I a, but only air escapes my mouth A face for radio stares back

I remember the time and reoodbye, but I don’t suppose itthree ti down the arden path