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“She ain’t in Kansas no more”

I treaded out of the induced co for lass Even the slightest movement ached Visitors—classmates, my best friend Karlie, and boyfriend Tucker—ca while my eyes were closed

Oblivious to

My old life—school plays, cheer practice, and stealing hasty kisses with Tucker under the bleachers—felt untouchable, unreal A sweetly cruel spell I’d been under that evaporated

I didn’t want to face reality, so I didn’t open my eyes, even when I could

Until the very last minute

Until Tucker walked into ers resting on the sheet

“Sorry,” he croaked It was the first time I’d heard him frazzled, insecure “I can’t do this anymore, and I don’t knohen you’ll wake up It’s not fair tofor …” He trailed off, and his chair scraped the floor as he shot up to his feet “I’m just sorry, okay?”

I wanted to tell him to stop

To confess I ake

Alive

Well

Sort of

That I was buying time, because I didn’t want to deal with the new me

In the end I kept my eyes closed and heard him leave

Minutes after the door clicked shut, I opened my eyes and let myself cry

The day after Tucker broke up with me in a letter, I decided to face the music

A nurse skulked into my room like a mouse, her movements hurried and efficient She eyed me with a mixture of wariness and curiosity, like I was a monster shackled to the bedrails By the pro for me to open my eyes

“Good mornin’, Grace We’ve been waitin’ for you Sleep well?”

I tried to nod, regretting the ambitious movement immediately My head swam It felt swollen and feverish My face was fully wrapped and bandaged, so I’d noticed the first ties for my nostrils, eyes, and mouth I probably looked like a mummy

“Why, I’ll take that little nod as a yes! Are you hungry by any chance? We’d love to take the tube out and feed you I can send soet you some real food I believe we’re servin’ beef patties with rice and banana cake Would you like that, hon?”

Determined to rise froth I possessed to answer, “That’d be real nice, ma’am”

“It’ll be here right quick And I’ve got ood news for ya Today is the day Doctor Sheffield is finally gonna take thees off!” She tried to inject false enthusiasm into her words

I flipped the ring on my thumb absentmindedly I wasn’t anywhere near ready to see the new me Nonetheless, it was time I was conscious, lucid, and had to face the music

The nurse filled out her chart and dashed out An hour later, Dr Sheffield and Grams came in Grams looked like hell Gaunt, wrinkled, and sleep-deprived, even in her Sunday dress I knew she’d been living in a hotel since the fire and was in a full-bloith our insurance coh this alone Noret things done