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ONE

"I killed a man," I say to my new therapist

I've barely settled onto the couchwhich isn't a couch at all, but a chaise longue that looked inviting and proved horribly uncomfortable Like therapy itself

I've caught her off guard with that opening line, but I've been through this before with other therapists Five, to be exact Each tiap between "Hello" and "I'lad I'e by the hour

"You" she says, "killed a man?"

The apprehensive look I knoell--that moment where they're certain they've misheard Or that I mean it in a metaphorical way I broke a man's heart Which is technically true A bullet does break a heart Irrevocably, it seems

When I only nod, she asks, "When did this happen?"

"Twelve years ago"

Expression number two Relief At least I haven't just killed a man That would be so much more troublesome

Then co realization

"You er?"

"Eighteen"

"Ah" She settles back in her chair, the relief stronger now,with satisfaction that she's solved the puzzle "An accident of some kind?"

She's blunt Others have led me in circles around the conclusion they've drawn You didn't really murder a man It was a car accident or other youthful uilt

"No, I did it on purpose That is, pulling the trigger was intentional I didn't go there planning to kill hiue for iet the sentence down to about twelve years"

She pulls back "You've researched this The crime The sentence"

"It's my job"

"Because you feel guilty"

"No, it's my job I'm a cop"