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Her ernails tapit ain The barest flicker of a smile follows

"You're a police officer," she says "You shot so A cadet?"

"Yes, but it wasn't a training accident" I settle on the chaise "How about I just tell you the story?"

An obvious solution, but therapists never suggest it Some, like this one, actually hesitate when I offer She fears I'uilty and doesn't want me to be Give her a few more clues and she'll find a way to absolve me

Except I don't want absolution I just want to tell my story Because this is what I do I play Russian roulette with Fate, knowing someday a therapist will break confidentiality and turn uilt over so the punish that if I was ical, childish thinking, but it's what I do

"Can I begin?" I ask

She nods with some reluctance and settles in

"I'd gone to a bar that nigh

t with my boyfriend," I say "It was supposed to be a date, but he spent the evening doing business in the back corner That's what he called it Doing business Which sounds like he was dealing coke in some dive bar We were actually in the university pub, hi vitah exam week"

TWO

Blaine and I sat at a back table, side by side, waiting for custoh "Alrinned over at me "Pizza? Your place?"

"Only if we get enough for Diana"

He ht, Casey Shouldn't your roo?"

"Mmm, no Sorry"

Actually, she was out with college friends I just wasn't telling Blaine that We hadn't had sex yet I held hiin That was a lie I was just picky

Blaine was irl Which was as la lord On a scale of bad boys, Blaine ranked about a two Oh sure, he clai some Montreal mobster whose name I couldn't even find with an Internet search More likely the old guy played bookie at his seniors' home Blaine's father certainly wasn't mobbed-up--he was a pharmacist, which is how Blaine stole his stuff Blaine himself was pre-ht, he nursed one beer for two hours Me? I drank Coke Diet Coke Yep, ere hard-core

A last custoh to be in university Blaine sold hiulped his beer, put his arm around my shoulders, and led er, but I found it oddly charht not have been ready to jump into bed with Blaine, I did like him He was a messed-up rich kid and I could relate to that

"Any chance of getting Diana out of your apartment?" he asked

"Even if there was, the answer is no"