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Prologue

YOU NEVER MEANT to kill him

Your narew up in an upper-middle-class suburb in northern New Jersey, not far from Manhattan You live on the poorer side of town, but it’s a pretty wealthy town Your parents work hard and love you unconditionally You are a middle child You have an older brother whoer sister whom you tolerate

Like every kid in your town, you groorrying about your future and what college you will get into You work hard enough and get good, if not spectacular, grades Your average is an A minus You don’t make the top ten percent but you’re close You have decent extracurricular activities, including a stint as treasurer of the school You are a letterh to play Division III but not for a financial scholarship You are a bit of a wiseass and naturally charht below the top echelon When you take your SATs, your high scores surprise your guidance counselor

You shoot for the Ivy Leagues, but they are just a little out of your reach Harvard and Yale reject you outright Penn and Colu to Bowdoin, a se in Brunswick, Maine You love it there The class sizes are sirlfriend, but you probably don’t want one anyway In your sophomore year, you start on the varsity football teaht off the bat, and now that the senior point guard has graduated, you have a serious chance of getting valuable minutes

It is then, heading back to campus between the first and second semester of your junior year, that you kill someone

You have a wonderfully hectic holiday break with your family, but basketball practice beckons You kiss your ood-bye and drive back to campus with your best friend and roommate, Duff Duff is fros He plays right tackle on the football teaest drinker on ca contest

You drive

Duff wants to stop at UMass in Ah school buddy of his is a e party

You’re not enthusiastic, but you’re no party pooper You are s where you pretty much know everyone Bowdoin has about 1,600 students UMass has nearly 40,000 It is early January and freezing cold There is snow on the ground You see your breath as you walk into the frat house

You and Duff throw your coats on the pile You will think about that a lot over the years, that casual toss of the coats If you’d kept the coat on, if you’d left it in the car, if you’d put it anyplace else

But none of that happened

The party is okay It is wild, yes, but it feels to you like a forced wild Duff’s friend wants you both to spend the night in his rooe party, after all—though not nearly as o to get your coats Duff is holding his beer He picks up his coat and swings it over his shoulder

That is when some of his beer spills

Not a lot Just a splash But it’s enough

The beer lands on a red Windbreaker That’s one of the things you re cold outside, in the teens, and yet so you will never shake from your mind is that a Windbreaker is waterproof The spilled beer, little as it ould not harm the coat It would not stain It could so easily be rinsed away

But someone yells, “Hey!”