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We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us—Francois RabelaisHe wasn’t what destiny had in store forin a erous His eyes told me so The words he tempted me ere simply sweet little lies to lure me in And now, I’ around the rosie, a pocket full of posies…more, Mommy, more!”

I sit on the park bench, watching a hter bond over a stupid nursery rhyirl soak into hter Her eyes shine bright with joy as her mother spins her round and round in anticipation of therass

“Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!” she screaht up their skirts, and they playfully fall to the ground Their happiness is a sharp reminder of the life I never had

When the wolued to her lips Three little words fall off her tongue—I love you Another ping to my chest—a reminder of my mother and her cruelty

“Can you sing es one, mommy?”

“Grow up, child Don’t you know nursery rhymes are evil?”

“What does evil mean, mommy?”

“It means they aren’t meant to co to sing to you Three Blind Mice? It’s about ani children Oh, and your favorite, Jack and Jill? That one’s about murder-suicide God, Hazel Bea man ill deal with all your neediness Lord knows you’ll need a brave man to handle you”

That was my childhood No warm embraces No dates at the park No bullshit endearments Where other nor on empty

The lack of affection from my alcoholic mother Lack of attention from my workaholic father Rejection is a hard pill to s—especially when it’s frofrom was loneliness

Growing up, I didn’t set out to be a wild child I was just so desperate to be loved, I went and searched for it in all the wrong places Gaining Daddy’s attention by getting caught underage drinking Flauntingand anyone ould take notice Acting out was the only way I kne to get the it

Didabout

My dad has always shown , he would load me up with all the lis pink Get ponies and every princess alive at my birthday parties His material love was endless And still is

My mother’s love, on the other hand, was nonexistent I was the vacation disruption, the sobriety killer, the brat who took her youth, the child who ruined her body

Fafriends and the wrong boyfriends I found myself so desperate for affection that I allowed a instructor to fill inity at the young age of sixteen

I should alsoshe and I ever had in common

It wasn’t the worst news to get slapped with My dad caught wind and instantly kicked her ass out The funny thing is, she didn’t fight Just left without a goodbye or a sret

I can’t paint my entire life as a sob story I did have led to show me affection in ways I desperately needed After ot better I think it just took souess finding out your wife is cheating on you will do that

And things did get better Dad stepped up It was the two of us against the world The ahts were endless The only problem was he was on conference calls ninety percent of the time I couldn’t fault him for who he was He worked very hard to create a life where ould want for nothing It’s a sha I wanted was priceless

Congrats on the birth of my daddy issues It’s a boy