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'He was a human before he was an ape, Archchancellor Remember?'

'Oh Yes,' said Ridcully Tunny, really, the way you get used to things Apes and hu Ponder here' The other wizards looked blank Ponder screwed up his face 'He's been showing s,' said Ridcully Tascinatin' stuff' The other wizards scowled at Ponder Stibbons, as you would at ain a firework factory So now they kneho to blame As usual'Is that entirely wise, sir?' said the Dean 'Well, I do happen to be the Archchancellor in these parts, Dean,' said Ridcully calmly 'A blindly obvious fact, Archchancellor,' said the Dean You could have cut cheese with his tone 'Must take an interest Morale, you know,' said Ridcully 'My door is always open I see ain 'I don't think I'htfully 'I s and so on My parents would have said so like, “Don't worry about Uncle Charlie, he's supposed to smell like that,” wouldn't they? And there'd be portraits in—' The chair sneezed There was an unpleasant moment ofin his old shape again The wizards watched him carefully to see what'd happen next It was hard to re Certainly no one could remember what he'd looked like, or even what his naical explosion, always a possibility in soic are pressed dangerously together, had introduced him to unexpected apehood years before Since then he'd never looked back, and often hadn't looked down either His big hairy shape, swinging by one ared books

with his feet, had beco the whole University body; his devotion to duty had been an example to everyone Archchancellor Ridcully, into whose head that last sentence had treacherously arranged itself, realized that he was unconsciously drafting an obituary 'Anyone called in a doctor?' he said 'We got Doughnut Jimmy[4] here this afternoon,' said the Dean 'He tried to take his temperature but I'm afraid the Librarian bit him'

'He bit him? With a thermometer in his mouth?'

'Ah Not exactly There, in fact, you have rather discovered the reason for his biting' There was a ler picked up a liuely 'Does that book say if monkeys have pulses?' he said 'Is his nose supposed to be cold, or what?' There was a little sound, such asin their breath at once The other wizards began to edge away froler There was, for a few seconds, no other sound but the crackling of the fire and the howl of the wind outside The wizards shuffled back The Senior Wrangler, in the astonished tones of so all known li a wizard would normally do only in the most sombre of circumstances Well, that's it, then,' he said 'Poor chap's on his way ho desert in the sky'

'Er rainforest, possibly,' said Ponder Stibbons 'Maybe Mrs Whitlow couldsoup?' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes Archchancellor Ridcully thought about the housekeeper's hot nourishing soup 'Kill or cure, I suppose,' he murmured He patted the Librarian carefully 'Buck up, old chap,' he said 'Soon have you back on your feet and continuing to make a valued contribution'

'Knuckles,' said the Dean helpfully 'Say again?'

'Knuckles, rather than feet'

'Castors,' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes 'Bad taste, that man,' said the Archchancellor They wandered out of the roo voices: 'Looked very pale around the antiht'

orld is a world and a mirror of worlds This is not a book about Australia No, it's about somewhere entirley different which just happens to be, here and there, a bitAustralian Stillno worries, right? Against the stars a turtle passes, carrying four elephants on its shell Both turtle and elephants are bigger than people ht expect, but out between the stars the difference between huge and tiny is, co, very small But this turtle and these elephants are, by turtle and elephant standards, big They carry the Discworld, with its vast lands, cloudscapes, and oceans People don't live on the Disc any more than, in less hand-crafted parts of the multiverse, they live on balls Oh, planets may be the place where their body eats its tea, but they live elsewhere, in worlds of their ohich orbit very handily around the centre of their heads When gods get together they tell the story of one particular planet whose inhabitants watched, withslabs of ice slap into another world which was, in astrono about it because that sort of thing only happens in Outer Space An intelligent species would at least have found someone to complain to Anyway, no one seriously believes in that story, because a race quite that stupid would never even have discovered slood[1] People believe in all sorts of other things, though For exaend that the whole universe is carried in a leather bag by an old ht, too Other people say: hold on, if he's carrying the entire universe in a sack, right, thathimself and the sack inside the sack, because the universe contains everything Including him And the sack, of course Which contains him and the sack already As it were

To which the reply is: well? All tribal eneral test of the ood that they can see the fall of a tiny bird But only one god makes notes, and a few adjustments, so that next tiht find out why s the question 'Where else should we be?' It would be terrible to think that soht part the clouds and say, 'Daht you discovered slood ten thousand years ago! I've got ten trillion tons of ice arriving on Monday!' We may even find out why the duck-billed platypus[2] Snow, thick and wet, tumbled on to the lawns and roofs of Unseen University, the Discworld's preic It was sticky snohich made the place look like some sort of expensive yet tasteless ornament, and it caked around the boots of McAbre, the Head Bledlow, as he trudged through the cold, wild night Two other bledlows[3] stepped out of the lee of a buttress and fell in behind hiates It was an old custo around to watch it, but the Cereht in every season Mere ice, wind and snow had never stopped it Bledlows in tione past had clambered over tentacled h floodwater, flailed with their bowler hats at errant pigeons, harpies and dragons, and ignored mere faculty members who'd thrown open their bedroom s and screamed imprecations on the lines of 'Stop that damn racket, will you? What's the point!' They'd never stopped, or even thought of stopping You couldn't stop Tradition You could only add to it The three ate, al snow The bledlow on duty aiting for them 'Halt! Who Goes There?' he shouted McAbre saluted The Archchancellor's Keys!'

'Pass, The Archchancellor's Keys!'

The Head Bledlow took a step forward, extended both arms in front of him with his palms bent back towards hi buried had once had two breast pockets Pat, pat Then he extended his arms by his sides and stiffly patted the sides of his jacket Pat, pat 'Dao!' he bellowed, enunciating each ith a sort of bulldog carefulness The gatekeeper saluted McAbre saluted 'Have You Looked In All Your Pockets?' McAbre saluted The gatekeeper saluted A s up on his bowler hat 'I Think I Must Have Left Them On The Dresser It's Always The Same, Isn't It?'

'You Should Remember Where You Put Them Down!'

'Hang On, Perhaps They're In My Other Jacket!' The young bledloas this week's Keeper of the Other Jacket stepped forward Each est cleared his throat and ed to say: 'No, I Looked InThere ThisMorning!' McAbre gave hie a difficult job done well, and patted his pockets again 'Hold On, Stone The Crows, They Were In This Pocket After All! What A Muggins I Am!'