Page 5 (1/2)

CHAPTER ONE

Dea

Christmas was officially ruined

I was not generally known as a dra

It was ruined

"Mo not to whine, but alsolast minute was inconvenient at best At worst, it—as I said—ruined the entire holiday

"Deavienne," my mother scolded in that voice that was not her real voice, rather a made-up imitation of Katherine Hepburn's already made-up Transatlantic accent—not actually native to anywhere in particular, but just pretentious enough to make you sound more important than you really were "Don't you think you are perhaps being a little selfish? Of course, I would need to be with my husband on Christmas Of all days"

One would think a mother needed to be with their only child on Christmas Of all days

But this wasabout here She had about all the maternal instincts of a harp seal—very dedicated to the task for the span of twelve days before abandoning the baby that is not yet capable of caring for itself to go and find a new mate

Yep

That was my mother

The eternal mate-chaser

Five husbands down

And, to be perfectly candid, I didn't think this was the one that was going to stick, either

When your husband's original plan was to abandon you entirely and go spend the holiday with his buddies up in Aspen, yeah, you kinda knew exactly how (un)is