Page 10 (2/2)
He looked down, and those long lashes glanced his cheeks He then gave a firm nod “I’m sure”
Thank God
I wasn’t sure I could deal with much more upset today “Okay, then no, sweetie You shouldn’t tell anybody”
“Not even you?” he queried sensibly
“Me?” I pinched his cheek lightly, playfully, and he broke out into a huge s” I winked at hiht?”
I didn’t understand it He looked visibly upset but whispered, “Right”
Uh oh
Not good
My heart stuttered as I helped hiot out of the car and pulled hi him to my side His arm went around my waist
What was going on with my boy? I was suddenly anxious
“You can tellat all And I won’t get upset I’ll just listen if you need me to, but—” I stopped, stood in his path, and knelt down, looking my son deep in the eye “—we don’t keep secrets from each other, buddy”
He nodded sloisely, as though he was caught in a predicament and wasn’t sure how to proceed
Shit
It worried me
Once inside, I letslide off lanced back to the little boy standing aardly in the doorway We continued to look at each other a while before I asked, “You got so to say to me, bud?”
A second later, he nodded “Yeah” He shuffled his feet
He had so iave him my undivided attention “What is it?”
AJ spoke, and I wasn’t prepared for what he said Not at all
“Well, soht”
Oh, this was not starting well My heart ian to race
“So and rubbed his shoe against it His voice lowered a few decibels “Sometimes, Daddy comes to see me”
The pressure in
Oh, Lord
Today was not the day
I felt like crying
“Baby” My eyes closed of their own accord and I let out a hu down the thickness in htly, rocking hi his temple
He hugged s to him
“I know it feels that way” I kissed hiain “Daddy comes to me too sometimes” I pulled back and watched him cautiously “In my mind In my dreams”
“No” AJ shook his head “Not in my dreams, Mummy It’s real”
Oh, sweetie no
My heart broke as I tried to explain to himechanism I should know At one point, Twitch would be in ht and I would talk to him He never responded to my anxious questions It took me a while and a whole lot of therapy formyself
“When I drea deeply, shakily, I spoke out on an exhale, “It feels so real that sometimes I don’t want to wake up from such a beautiful drea his forearain and snaked my arms around him “It’s not real”
AJ frowned “No, Muainst my chest “It’s real Really real”
No, it isn’t He’s gone
“Baby” My heart ached as one”
“He isn’t,” he said adamantly in only the way a five-year-old could
I bita pained cry Instead, I whispered, “Yes”
But AJ wasn’t having it He took a step back frolare hit me “No”
Goddammit
Didn’t he knome?
Twitch was gone
And he was never co back
But my son was so important, so precious to me, that I caved, and as I did, a tear trailed my cheek “Okay, baby”
A look of vindication crossed him, and when he threw himself into my arms, I held my baby and wept silently
Becausethe father he never had And whichever way he chose to cope with that was okay with me
Even if itme in the process
Chapter One
Twitch
In the shadow of night, I moved slowly, quietly, and when the house cahts were still on I stood by the gum tree on the street corner and waited
Looking down at ht and counted the seconds When the clock struck eleven, I peered up at the house and it was suddenly aith darkness It was like clockwork Every night at eleven p on AJ
A small smile pulled at my lips when the lamp in my son’s room illuminated the
And there it was
See?
Clockwork Sa, day in, day out
A moment passed and thedimmed, and that was my cue
With racefully, silently, and when I reached the , I put my hands to the top of the wooden frame and pushed It rattled as it opened I pulled out the fly screen and placed it on the ground before cli in The second my foot hit the f
loor of his bedroo
I clicked ue, and muttered, “Fuck” When the little man in the bed lifted his head and blinked at ht I told you to clean this shit up”
He rubbed at his eyes, then ot”
“You forgot” I chuckled under my breath “Sure you did”
The little sotten h Kind and honest and good
I glanced around the roo at the mess, and stepped silently towards the bookshelf “What’s your flavor, boy?”
“Green Eggs and Ham,” he said immediately
My lips puckered into a sain?”
“Again” He nodded, sitting up in bed
Another sigh was pulled froive a fuck what he wantedthe saot to spend soot with hi I cherished It was precious, and I’d ot of him, I would deal with
Book in hand, I went to hie of the bed, lying back against the timber headboard, and I put my arm around him and held the book up
Without hesitation, he leaned his sleepy head into my chest I blinked down at him as he let out a little yawn, and I died on the inside
I fucking died
Never had a child been so loved asI deserved, but I would take it because it was habit ofthem as my own
As I started to read in low tones, I recognized I didn’t even need the book any by heart But AJ seemed to like the pictures, so I held the book up and let hioofy-looking drawings, s with him
I never understood what people s
Peering down at ot it
Those shter, the way he scratched his butt without shame it orth all the time I spent away froain in a heartbeat I didn’t want to, but I would, which hy it was so ied frorave