Page 23 (2/2)

Cold, numb despair seeped into my bones I felt suddenly very old and forsaken, drained and withered I slu chair and stared, de

solate, at the ceiling Tears spilled down ers and touched at uely surprised to feel that the skin there was not as brittle and dusty as old parchment

I closed rief swept me away to the only place that was safe… the darkness

Chapter 2

I came back from the hospital late I went upstairs toleather chair heavily On a side table was a bottle of whisky and a crystal glass I filled the tu the warh my body and unravel the knots, the tension and despair I lowered my chin onto my chest and closed my eyes The world was co

Tiny was dead, and the shock of it see waves of dislass and refilled it I screwed the lid tight onto the bottle and set it back on the side table This one I would drinkit last for maybe an hour But the alcohol was no co to defuse the creeping chill of cold loneliness that nuloomy room and I smelled the musty scent of death

I pushed lass of whisky, touching pieces of furniture as I moved listlessly about the rooht An icy wind began to hon through theclouds tu out the lass and the air beca debris

Tiht deepened as the storather and the wind beca flickered in the distance before dying into darkness The thunder ca boost the clouds I drew the heavy drapes across theand the last of the light vanished until I was alone and in complete darkness

I had spent a lot of ti in the dark, haunted by regrets, and sory with God for a life of opportunity that I was never going to live I thought about those times that I had wasted, those moments that I had hesitated, and those chances that had passed me by

And I thought about Tiny He had had his whole life ahead of him only to have it snatched away in the blink of an eye – in a single tragic e as y

And noas dead, and I was alive

I set the ee of the desk and closed ht I heard Tiny’s voice I listened hard, but the sound became just the fluted shriek of the wind

Far away in the eht

I was one day closer to dying

I reached across and flicked on the tableside lae of the desk and cast tall sharp shadows against the wall I swept scattered files and paperwork off the polished surface and stuffed them into a drawer I switched off the lamp, walked numbly to the darkened doorway, and stepped out into the brooding silence of the house

I could hear the echo of my steps, leaden and heavy, as Iroo echo The big house creaked and groaned around ht

I stood outside my bedroom and listened in the silence I could hear the distant sound of thunder sweeping across theaway to the north

I pushed the bedroo moment on the threshold The roohad been drawn tight, and although I knew this rooan to adjust and faint fae I felt old before y of misery, and drained of will I kicked off my shoes and padded towards the bed The coat I wore felt like a straightjacket, the pants rubbed like sandpaper againstthem away into a corner of the room

I drew back the drapes and uncertain grey light spilled in through the big bedroomCloud banks raced across the darkened sky, torn and shredded by the talons of the wind I stared out into the storh to the bathroom and splashed hot water over my face

My reflection peered back at me from within the vanity mirror as water poured from the tap into the basin, and a cloud of steanized the face: the saranite of my features so that they somehow seemed blurred and crumbled My bloodshot eyes were sunk deep into plum-colored hollows below my brow and a dark shadow of stubble covered aunt and hunted and fatigued – full of harsh angles beneath tightly drawn skin

There were new deep lines bracketing my mouth, and the corners of my eyes had cracked into a spider’s web of fine creases, chiseled there by tragedy I touched at the ashen flesh of ers

The phanto over– that it had becoht of Tiny’s loss hung around ard, hollow reflection I questioned the point of even going on

Chapter 3

It see

The sky was a brilliant cloudless blue, and a warh the leafy treetops The flowerbeds were a riot of reds and vibrant yellows, and the songs of birds filled theair

The day we gathered for Tiny’s funeral was a perfect day to be alive

But he wasn’t

The ceht iron fences and gates The cars lined the side of the road and es of rave The soft brown rass around the site

The priest who had presided over the burial service was frouidance counselor he could easily have become a pharmacist or maybe a school teacher He had a lean trim frame, and a thick crop of wiry dark hair His face was broad, and although his eyes were set into soft pouches of dark skin, they were kindly and coes from the open Bible in his hand and then slowly closed the book and lowered his head in a an to sob softly, clinging to each other for support and strength

I stood alone with my hands behindand wavering

I felt the sharp ache in ed and shaky

The priest looked up froentle hand on : holding hands, coing the loss of ato die – a man ould be missed by so many who had loved him

I closedface that had come to me in the darkness of my office returned I wrapped my mind around it to protect it, like the vision was a sht, until it finally faded, and I sensed the rave and return slowly to their cars

When I openedwith unshed tears

“You were my one true friend, Tiny,” I led choke in my voice “I wish I had told you that… ”

I felt someone nearby They peeled away from the shadows of the trees and came quietly toward

s me, their steps tentative and hesitant, as if they were fearful of intruding I turned slowly

It was Leticia Fall

Her face was pale and stricken with anguish I could see the despair in her expression She wore no makeup Her eyes were red, her cheeks sleek and da a black dress She had her hands clasped tightly in front of her

She said nothing We stared at each other Leticia was shaking her head slowly froan to slowly fill until they were huge and sparkling, tears clinging to her long dark lashes like drops of an to shake

Perhaps she saw the sarief reflected in my own eyes, for she came to me with a sudden impulsive rush of need, and I opened my arms for her to fall into my embrace

Leticia’s back heaved She wrapped her arms around ainst me I felt her tears soak my shirt She sobbed as she lifted her chin and whispered,

“Jonah, I’m so sorry for your loss”

I said nothing I pulled Leticia close to uish rise to the surface, so that we clung to each other crying pitifully as a sea of great crashing waves swept over us, leaving us weak and hurting – drowning in our sadness as the world somehow continued to turn

Chapter 4

I lost all sense of tiht and I retreated into the sanctuary of my office and into the darkness and its co the world go by as though I were a spectator – as though none of it mattered anymore

I was cold, but I knew the roolowed in the dark I closed ertips but I knew the ache would never go away

Somehow I slept fitfully until the weather woke me