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I was barely 13 at that ti He was friendly to us and very likable, but he didn't hang out with us rabbed a 2 liter bottle of soda and 6 slices of pizza,out past curfew and disappeared out the back door

I wasI'd ever seen At that point, I wasn't even all that interested in boys, they were kinda stupid and tended to smell bad But Erik

After pizza I watched maybe half the movie with Mom and Gerald and then I wandered out to the shop behind Gerald's house where I'd seen Erik go I found him inside, up to his elbows in a motorcycle that was mostly scattered around him in small parts

That night I fell in love for the first time in my life

I looked down at the postcards in rain of the paper, s at my memories Such sweet, innocent memories

The tears welled in ain but this time not for the loss of my parents For my own loss For how stupid I'd been For how badly I'd fucked everything up

It hadn't really occurred to ot married it would mean that Erik was off limits Somehow I ih I understood that made Erik my brother, it didn't count He wasn't really my brother

When h, they were disgusted, "E, your brother? Coe loud and clear

Erik was s down deep and tried to go on with being a norer

I had boyfriends through high school, but they never lasted very long No one could measure up to the standard my brother had set for them

My step brother I started insisting on uilt I felt overwith him

Erik went frorease monkey with the floppy hair in his eyes that I had ht in Gerald's shop to a tall, finelyman

Erik and I shared a bond deeper than s He shared all his thoughts with ht he felt the saht kiss et up and walk away before anything happened

He had moved out with a couple of friend

s my senior year He still had that sahthawk 450 I will always remember that because I helped him rebuild it fro in pieces around hiht to the beautifully restored bike that was his pride and joy till the day he left

I never learned eneral, but to this day, I know that Honda and almost every bolt in it

At 21 years old, my brother-- my stepbrother-- was the poster child for the iconic beautiful brooding bad boy that every girl wants and every girl's father wants to run out of town: boots, jeans, leather jacket, wearing his long curls tied back in a si secrets while his lips flashed deceptively innocent looking smiles

Even now, my heart picked up its pace as the picture came into focus in my mind's eye

If the wide eyed child I'd been at 13 had fallen in love with Erik when he was a gawky 15 year old, the sexually awakening 18 year old me wanted the just turned 21 year old bad boy biker Erik in the worst way

Sitting there with the postcards in my hand, I felt myself blush Part of me was aht the world was It would all be just one of those silly things I could laugh off now, if it hadn't gone so terribly wrong My heart fell again as I looked at the e on the postcard fro in July WTF? Tell everyone HI" No one ever toldthese postcards was the first time I'd learned that he had stayed in touch with Mom and Dad at all since he left