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I am a coward
Oh, did you expect more of a foreword than that? You expected , or at the very least infor a coward, I suppose I will cave in to your expectations
This is noretting what has happened so far But I’ Instead, accept this quick recap:
I am a Smedry, and my ancestors trapped a dark power inside our bloodline, preventing it froranted to all Se liability at first, they can be es used to work Unfortunately, I released this power—known as the Dark Talent, which so that brokethe world Oops
My father, Attica S every person on earth a Smedry Talent, which the rest of us think would cause ave him the tools he needed to pursue his crazy quest, and undoubtedly doomed the world Oops
The Librarians are a force bent on controlling infor everyone in the Hushlands (Librarian-controlled areas like Europe, Asia, and the Aic and cheese puffs that don’t stain your fingers orange They attacked the Free Kingdo (Don’t ask) As part of my reckless plan to drive the Librarians away, ot shot and is now in a cohbrary, a center of Librarian power inside the Hushlands—and the only way to do that is to rely upon my mother, Shasta S to betray us somehow, then find a way to (yes) doom the world Oops
I’ve now figured out how to use footnotes
The sad thing is, it just gets worse fro for years to read this, the final volu if the Librarians have somehow suppressed its publication I wish that were true I wish I could tell you so this story
That’s not what happened
This last volu because I am a coward I really, really didn’t want to write it The finale of this story covers the est failures—both to e
This is where the story stops being funny
You’ve been warned
Chapter
Doug
So there I was, standing in reatest adversary to date
The royal wardrobe coordinator
Janie was a perky Nalhallan wo Technically you could describe her outfit as a tunic—but it was only sih-end sports car is similar to a broken-down pickup It was e bow on one side with stylish embroidery up the sleeves
It looked nice,it a complete contrast to the monstrosity she held up for me to wear
“That,” I said, “is a clown costume”
“What?” Janie said “Of course it isn’t”
“It’s a white jumpsuit,” I said, “with fluffy pink bobs over the buttons!”
“White for the purity of the throne, Your Fornanimous decision to step down peacefully”
“It has oversized floppy shoes”
“A representation of your hness”
“And the fake flower to squirt water?”
“So that you may shower all who approach you with symbolic waters of life”
I raised a skeptical eyebrow at her and walked over to the bed, picking up the poofy rainboig she’d brought for me to wear
“Obviously,” Janie said, “that is a representation of the varieties of cultures and peoples you served during your kingship” She smiled
“Letonto the bed “The Librarians took this ‘regal’ costuave it to clowns That turned it into so ridiculous in the Hushlands, like how they nadomers”
“Uh, yeah,” Janie said “Sure … Uh, that’s … exactly what happened”
I frowned at her evasiveness At the reen jacket, T-shirt, jeans—was gone My jacket had been cut up, and the rest ofhad been vaporized in a rather unfortunate incident containing far too much Alcatraz nudity
Outside my room, Tuki Tuki—capital city of Mokia—was utterly silent The drus of joy Their day of celebration past, the Mokians nowthem that had been quieted
If I was right, that silence was about to get a lot worse I refer you to the footnote for proof
“What else do you have?” I asked Janie
“Well, let’s see,” she said, obviously disappointed I wouldn’t wear the clown outfit I h I’d only served for one day—but if that was the traditional costuo without
She reached into her large trunk and pulled out what appeared to be a dog costume, with furred feet, a tail, and a headpiece with floppy ears
“No,” I said immediately
“But it’s the official outfit for a retired prince of—”
“No”
Janie sighed, setting it on the bed and digging farther into her trunk
“What is it with these ‘traditional’ outfits?” I said, poking the dog costume “I mean, even without Librarian interference, you have to admit they’re kind of…”
“Regal?”
“Ridiculous,” I said “It’s als to look silly”
Janie shifted “Uh … ould ant to do that? It’s not like ant people to see former monarchs as foolish, so a ruler who has stepped down can never change his doh
“You’re a terrible liar”
“Thank you! How about this nice cat costuracefully maneuvered the politics of the thr
one!”
“No animal costumes at all, please”
She sighed, then continued digging in her trunk A hts at the sides of the trunk had stopped working
Curious, I walked over Why did she even need lights? I soon saw that the inside of the trunk was er than the outside would indicate The trunk was a neat trick, but nothing I hadn’t seen before—in the Free Kingdolass to accos
The lights at the sides were lass to provide illulass was powered by a special type of sand called brightsand It worked solass (In the same way that shipwrecked people act like batteries for sharks)
Her brightsand for the lights appeared to have lost its charge Fortunately, I knew so else that worked as a battery for both sand and sharks: me
I reached out and touched the glass of her lights I ht have—somehow—broken the Smedry Talents, but I was still an Oculator That lass
I dredged up so insideto throhen not nauseous The glass lights shining into Janie’s trunk burst aglow, brilliant as the sun I yelped, startled by the sudden explosion of power Usually there was a sense of resistance when trying to do this, but today the energy caht out
I stulass plates actually melted