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PROLOGUE

Bodhi Preston Armbruster III

“Happy Holidaze”

Christo

Malibu, California

“Smoked salmon mousse canapé for you, sir?”

As I look down at the antique pink tray a server holds out for ust I’m not quite sure if it’s because of the neat little piles of pink baby shit that are being offered to uy who looks like he’s around the sa forced to wear a designer pink sweatsuit onesie all night long, serving food to rich and overprivileged assholes, instead of being at home with his family to celebrate the holiday

“What’s a guy gotta do to get so and Christed asshole

“I don’t know,” the server replies in a bored voice “Maybe try the fla zoo out on the east lawn, or the ballroo ready to perform”

Seriously, who throws a party on Christ from the floor to the walls, and the staff unifor but Pepto Bisht? Every inch of the walls is covered in real pink roses Thousands of strands of pink roses attached to fishing line are hanging down fro of every room There are pink tablecloths, pink dinnerware, pink food, and pink bubbles fro mansion

It’s bad enough I’ forced to attend functions like this because my daddy told me to There isn’t one Santa in a red suit, one strand of , or one red-and-green-wrapped package Not that I have any personal knowledge of what a real Christmas Eve should look like, but I’ve seen it plenty of times in movies and on TV, and this is not it They sit around a table eating roast beast, followed by everyone putting onup in front of the tree, with snow falling gently outside their rustic cabin in the woods And I’h no one really knohat a yule log is, but I want one They do not eat tiny piles of baby shit, followed by flas about kissing a girl, in a mansion on the beach in Malibu

Is this really whatto be like? Forever?

“Yo, Bodhi! There’s so much tail at this party all I’ll have to do is trip andfe Christmas to me!”

A hand is clapped againstone of rabs a pile of baby shit fro away froive the server in front of y forof what’s going to come out of his mouth

“Hey, didn’t I ask you to get o, slacker?” Brandon asks the server right on cue, grabbing another pink hors d’oeuvre fro it into hisfor better help You’re a lazy fuck”

“Jesus, Brandon, shut up,” I uy in the ridiculous onesie a quick verbal apology for Brandon, before he just rolls his eyes and walks away to offer some other offensive asshole a pile of pink baby shit

I don’t know if otten worse lately with their atrocious behavior, or if I’ve just beco it off all the tis they say and all of the things they do I’m ashamed of myself that I’ve acted like the to fit in and appeaselike any of this makes me happy