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“That’s because I’, and that’s to hide the fact thatand I’m horrifically close to tears

I love ine what I’d do or who I’d be without the show

“You are good You’re very good Which is why I don’t want to see you go”

“When would she join the show?”

“If she joins the show, it’d be after the holidays”

Silently I digest this It’s hard to take in, and I don’t knohat to say I don’t knohat to feel, either, as I bounce between anger and denial

“I know it’s a lot to think about,” he adds, “and we’ll talk more about this later I just wanted you to be aware of the discussions we’re having here right now and soes for the New Year” He stands, returns to his desk “Now, if you’re going tojust a week away, traffic could be a bitch”

I drive in a state of shock

They’ve discussed replacingShelby from weekend host to weekday co-host My God I had no idea that for the past six months my future with HBC has been the subject of discussion I know market studies are done all the tiht in to revaes, try a new direction But until now, no one had had a problem with me

Hands shaking, I call ent Max Orth is the reason I’m on a national syndicated TV show My first job out of Stanford was in Boulder, Colorado, and I would stand onsnowstorms and report on road closures and freeway pileups I’d wait at the Boulder airport to interview fa after years of separation I’d race to the outskirts of tohen a body was found And as much as I wanted to be a serious journalist, hard news stories and I never really clicked Maybe I asked the wrong questions Maybe I was too sympathetic Inevitably my pieces came out soft, cozy, human interest Pieces editors and producers derisively termed fluff

It didn’t help that I looked fluffy, too Beauty queen, they called eant hair

Three months into my job with KKPQ, I cut eboy, and that hen big hair was fashionable After six ht blue blouses or greens No red coats or pink scarves Brown and black with gray But even then the caold in soh cheekbones, the dimples at the corner of my mouth

Even though s went up at the station We were just a little station, too, but KKPQ was a Fox affiliate and some of my pieces were picked up by other Fox affiliates And before I knehy, I was sitting at the news desk as a weekend anchor, and then within a year I was hired away to co-host thenews in Tucson

It was in Tucson I met the two most influential men of my life: Keith, my future husband, who only ever saw the best in ent Keith, ten yearsreporter working for CNN Wefreeway accident—I still can’t stand to remember that one, as a mom and her two children died

that day

And Max? Like everyone else, he saw the photo of me pressed to Keith’s casket after he was killed, and unlike everyone else, he didn’t call or send flowers He flew in to Tucson to e future

I expect to get Max’s voicewhen I’d hear from you”

“Did you know Glenn was going to talk toShelby to the show?”

“I knew there’s been talk about es to the show”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because there was nothing to tell you, and I didn’t want to upset you without cause”

The lights on Santa Monica blur Cars stream past I feel unbearably sad “You should have warned me I should have been prepared”

“What did he say?”

“That my numbers are really down and it’s hoped that Shelby will help bring theht turns yellow and then red “I don’t want to share the shoith Shelby It’s my show, and why Shelby of all people?”

“She’s twenty-eight, ten years younger than you, and she’s proactive She’s already had her eyes done to look even fresher on camera”

The horrible sick, sinking feeling is back “Is that what this is about? My age?”

“For the record, I told you a year ago that a little ouldn’t hurt you”

He did, too

I rest ers to nore his advice last year I consulted a derht treaten in rowing too thin, and then I did a cheet rid of some of the finer lines

“You should have listened to me then, babe”

“I’, Max That’s not me”

“Then kiss away your career”

“No one can make me do it”

“No one can, no, but no one will renew your contract, either” He sighs “Coet real, you and I both know this industry If you don’t renew your contract, you’ll be reduced to a celebrity correspondent for some cable show for a year or two until you’re too old for even that”